I want to talk about “leads.” And working your leads, as part of your job as a man. And what that “grind” feels like.
A “lead,” in case this isn’t obvious, is a term borrowed from sales. So much of game is a close parallel to the process of being a salesman… which I am not, but it’s a process I understand. I know some guys get all nervy at the association of “love/sex” and “business/sales.” Instead of leads, call them “numbers,” if that makes you feel better. Or “Facebook” contacts. Whatever. A man works his leads as part of this process of attempting to milk the abundance of life. I want abundance. I am willing to do the work.
The abundance is out there, and I’m really beginning to feel it, but you gotta milk it, squeeze the juice out of those grapes, grind your leads. Choose your metaphor… but get to it.
I’m in the stage of my game where “working my leads” is a part of my routine around women. If you’re a beginner, don’t pretend you know what I’m talking about… I didn’t, when I was a beginner. Most single guys are still hung-up on “that one girl.” Not only is she not interested in you, but you have no leads (including her). As you get deeper into success with game, you get “a lead” here/there. And you’re not so much working your leads, as you’re leaning on the only active number in your phone, trying to get a response, that in many case is never going to come. Leads are like that. You have your foot in the door-of-life, but you’re still needy. That’s not fun, but it’s normal.
However, as you get your volume of approaches up, as you start to “live this lifestyle full time,” you start to get a lot of leads. That’s where I’m at. I’m not satisfied, but I have a new problem… lots of leads, that need work, and not enough nights to set up dates. Sort of.
And it’s more complicated than that… or at least for a guy in my position. As it’s not just a lack of nights, it’s the anticipation of girls going quiet on you, or cancelling dates, and how you have to “place your bet” for a given girl on a given night, or start double-booking, which I have yet to do. It’s like air traffic control… at least it was this week… even as girl after girl ignored air control direction and flew right on past my airport.
“The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
I love this ^ quote. It goes well with “desire makes the world go round.” First you desire, so you move fwd, then you get defeated. If you’re a dedicated daygamer, you start to win some battles. You progress to the next stage… and get defeated there. Desire pushes you fwd. Such is the way.
My evolution from no leads, to some leads, to many leads, to “air traffic control” of leads and dates, is an example of that progression, and the defeats along the way.
Last AUGUST I was a on a roll. I had just started really daygaming, was loving it. I was dating the Tokyo Queen on the regular, I had picked up and was dating a younger Japanese girl, and I had my first dates from daygame. Multiple dates per week. That was probably my first real “wave” of abundance in my life (in terms of a plurality of women).
In OCTOBER, I hit another big wave. I had a week where I dated 4 women – the Queen, two girls I picked up from daygame (one, is to this day, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever been out with), and a 4th that I met at a party. An old flame of mine was in the picture and I sexed her too. I was working my leads, they were panning out, I was dating and sexing multiple girls. It was a real hint at the beginning of “functional mastery.”
After a number of challenges in the Fall, I hit Japan in JANUARY, built a new “local rolodex” of leads, and was working them hard. I was meeting, making out, closing, dating and sexing some there. There were days when I would make 10+ date offers in a row, working thru LINE and Facebook, grinding away. Totally new for me. That was actually the gnariest “grind” I’d ever done in terms of lead volume and attempts at dates. As I said, I was able to get some girls out, thru the grind. All those new girls (LINE, Facebook, and email), pls trying to keep some leads alive back home, including 3 girls I’d met right before I left.
So I got back mid-February, and that brings us to MARCH and this week. I’m going to Mexico tomorrow, so I didn’t do any daygame this week, but I did push hard on my existing leads. Seemed like a good week for some heaving dating. Starting out the week, I had more girls that I wanted to date than I had days in the week… Baby Jesus is still testing and cursing me, but this is how it went:
— New Girl. I picked her up last week, and it was hot pickup… very great moment on the street. Number close, good texting. Tried to get her out last Sunday, but she told me she was out of town. I was pushing for one of the days this week before I go on my trip. She said, “Maybe Thursday…” Hmmm. I don’t like “maybes” from girl. “Maybe” is a soft “no.” I penciled her in, and kept going…
— Korean Art Girl. Picked her up two weeks ago. She’s been pretty responsive via text. Tried to get her out for a Sunday night date. She sent me a msg Sunday AM saying that she had just gotten into a relationship with a new guy, but that she loved how I picked her up. I’ll ping her again in a month or two. #grindingleads
— Client. I have been up/down with this girl, but at this point I like her. I booked her for a Tuesday dinner at my house (this was to be the first sex date). Tuesday AM, she texts to say she has to cancel… had previously made St Patricks Day plans that she forgot about, invited me to come with, I declined. Good back/forth via text, so I didn’t feel dissed, but… suddenly I had an open night. Double-ugg. A.) I was really looking fwd to seeing her… and taking her clothes off. And B.), I could have tried to book other girls for that night, but thought it was taken. Okay. Onward and upward.
— Princess Japanese Girl. I had picked her up locally, and dated her, right after I got back from Japan. Very cute, but a Princess-type. She went back to Japan for a visit, so I haven’t seen her in 2 weeks. I pinged her for Tuesday, she had plans, but was responsive, she said maybe Thursday. Thursday, I had “penciled in” plans with New Girl, so I told her maybe…
— Dead Leads. The Korean from last Fall goes on/off with me, but I’m still working her… tried to get her out Tuesday as a “replacement” date. Also pinged the Chinese Art Girl from last Dec, she’s been cold for the last few pings. Nothing from either of them. Oh well. I think they’re basically dead… but, this is what “grinding on some leads” looks like.
— Pinged New Girl… I wasn’t happy about the “maybe” from the previous week, but I pinged her, looking to confirm that date. No response (it’s Thu as I write this, so maybe she’ll turn up later today, but I doubt it). I can still work this lead, but I won’t ping her again until I’m back from Mexico. So now, I think Thursday is open… trying to book that night.
— Club on Tuesday. As my Client had flaked, and I couldn’t hustle a fresh date, I went out. Turned out to be a great night. My game is better and better, but not in clubs. I like to dance, and when I go out, I non-verbally posture w/ girls, but I don’t hustle, I don’t work, I just drink, dance, fuck around… because I run my own version of “hot girl game” I get chased a bit, but nothing ever happens outside of a few makeouts. I know it’s a hole in my game. That night, great fucking time, I approached the best dancer in the club (other than myself!)… she was pushing all my buttons. I think I was too non-verbal, didn’t try enough, lost sight of her. She was on the invite for the club that night, so I FB’d her. We’ll see if she responds. Very cute (for a white girl), great fucking dancer… I’d like to see her again. Trying to turn her into a lead.
— Tokyo Queen. She is what hippies would call my “primary” girl, or what a pimp might colorfully call my “bottom bitch.” I really like this girl, she is great, I have been seeing her for a long time at this point. If I wasn’t so into game and my new “red pill” identity, she’d be my “girlfriend.” As it is, I give her consistent quality time (as I feel she does the same for me). Booked her for Wed, definitely wanted to see her before my trip. She came through, of course. I saw her last night. Great date. Left her in my bed this AM as I split for a morning full of meetings before I leave.
— Back to Princess. Last night, as I was waiting for the Queen to show up, I pinged Princess to see if she was still available for Thu. New Girl was quiet, so I figured I open up Thursday for the Princess. I make that offer (dinner/drinks), she says, “Yes!” Nice enthusiastic response. After I sexed the delicious Queen last night, I lay in bed wondering if I’d have the Princess in my bed tonight? I didn’t know it, but the Princess had already pinged me around mid-night, saying she too, had forgotten previous plans and couldn’t make it out afterall, but that I should look her up after I got back from Mexico. What-thee-fuck. Two cancelled dates in 3 days. This is why I know it’s the Baby Jesus and not just chance. Baby Jesus is a mean-spirited son-of-God sometimes, and is clearly testing me. Oh, you little 8 lb, 9 ounce bastard. (Baby Jesus likes it when I kid.) Throw a humble sinner a bone, would you please! More back/forth with her this AM… I told her she owes me chocolate. She agreed. I think she’s genuinely interested in me, and will see me when I’m back. I’ll try to keep that one warm w/ some good pics while I’m away. In general, I’m into the theory now of “no assumptions, crush your leads, see what happens.” We shall see.
— Taiwanese MILF. I picked her up in December, in the mall. It came out when I picked her up that she has a son (turns out she has 2 sons), not married. Very cute. Say what you want, but I’m loving me some Asian women in their 30s right now. She and I have traded maybe 30 msgs since then, from Happy New Year, to msgs from me when I was in Japan, to msgs from her when she was in China, up to this week when she is on/off about actually dating me. We were supposed to be on for last week… she went cold, but hit me yesterday AM at 6:30. I am curious about her, would like to at least date her, if not find a way to become the sex she needs in her adult/mature life as a busy mom. We’ll see. Working, those, fucking, leads.
— Best Kisser Ever. Old friend/lover of mine. She was trying to set up a double date with me, the Queen, and her current BF, but I’m not having that. This girl is the best-kisser-ever, I don’t want a platonic relationship with her. So I basically told her, if she’s around, I’m kissing her, and she freaked out and told me maybe we shouldn’t be friends. She does this all the time, so I didn’t respond. She pinged me yesterday asking if I was mad. I didn’t respond. She’ll be around when I get back, and I don’t really want to see her while she’s sexing the other guy. I don’t know why… I just don’t. I’m a cold lead for her… maybe she did something to piss off Baby Jesus also??!
— Client… is pinging me this AM, on her own, wishing me well on my trip. Okay, cool. Right on the back of the Princess saying the same thing. Hmm, I like that. She’s interested, and we’ll get back to her when I get home. Nice validation for my fragile ego on a week when most of my date plans were busted.
So when I get back from my trip, I’ll have 3 girls that actively expect dates (Queen, Princess, Client), the New Girl (I hope she comes back to life), and the MILF (which I think I’m wearing down). That’s *before* I run a single set of fresh daygame… which would lead to more leads, of course. And I’ll be back to juggling girls vs days of the week.
This is more evidence for how crucial volume is to this whole “game.” No volume = no leads = no backups = no abundance = neediness. I had way more girls than days this week, and still only ended up on 1 date. Amazing. I think this was a “bad week” (statistically), and the same scenario repeated on another week would have lead to more dates and sex. Volume… makes any of this possible.
The only good thing about having 2 dates cancel on me this week… was I didn’t have to change my sheets 10 times, or sweep the collection of multi-colored girl-hair off my floor everyday.
File this entire post under “player problems.”
To be honest, working the leads feels good. I recognize this kind of hustling (the post-approach hustle) is a new challenge for me, one most men will never face. This will be a big year for me and game. I will graduate to the “next level,” and find more defeat there as well. Such is life.
Viva Game. Viva the struggle. Good men get tested.