Boundaries and Sex with the Assistant | +1 Daygame

I have taken a break from this blog, but I want to get rolling again. This is a long overdue lay report, from back in May. This lay has its own interesting aspects for me – every story of taking a new notch is a kind of “victory lap.” Of course I like that. And yet, the story of the visit with this girl, has greater interest for me than the sex itself. This was another chapter in my understanding of women. And my capacity to wrangle the wilds of their nature.

I wrote about this girl already… she is The Assistant. We had an afternoon date in May, a time when my game was flowing strong.

With this one, within the first hour of our first date, she and I were making out in the cultured-darkness of the art museum. She wasn’t the cutest girl I’d ever dated, but the chemistry was full-on, and the more of her I had, the more I wanted. We ended the date around the corner from her hotel. She wouldn’t come back to my place (oh, had I tried). And while she was more than eager to have our mouths pressed together (extending the date as long as she could), she wouldn’t let me come up to her room either (I tried that, over and over, as well).

I left that day knowing I had done my job as a man of seduction. I hadn’t gotten laid, but I’d taken my shot. I’d added richness to another tourist girl’s trip to my city. And I’d had yet another visceral experience of leading a girl through the experience of fast seduction.

She left my city, and traveled south, to Los Angeles. As she arrived in LA, she was sending me pictures of her and cute little notes… she liked me, and she was showing me who she was and more of her life.

HER: Here are three photos of me in Canada
HER: Love to share with you : )

Charming ^.

She is a conservative girl. The shots are tame, but attractive. The middle of the three (as they arrived via the app WeChat) was her in a pink, sleeveless shirt, and a small, tight denim skirt. The hem of her skirt was cut above mid-thigh, and her long smooth legs made me hungry. She is an imperfect girl, but that shot turns me on… and at at the time, reminded me of the ready-made chemistry we’d discovered on our date.

I am amazed at what really turns me on. Several times this week, I talked about this topic with friends. About how my “eyes” crave one thing (and I think this is the part that is most subject to cultural influence), while my body often responds to something else (and I think that is always “real” attraction). There are parts of her that I am reluctant to brag about…and also parts that makes my cock hard, even now. That photo is a great example… but the best parts of her are below the surface, in her character.

HER: I feel good with LA, the city full of color and energy, so nice.
HER: But, whole day and all the way I have been thinking of someone and the wonderful time yesterday…

It’s becoming clear to me that I am angling deeper into the romantic side of seduction. And these kinds of comments fuel that perspective in me. The Spring Season this year… was a series of romantic episodes. I like sex, and dirty sex, and I’ll do that, any chance I get. But it’s in me to have this romantic side too, and I hooked several girls that respond well to that flavor this year. She was one of them.

NASH: I want to rewind and do yesterday over…
NASH: With a different ending…
NASH: Where you spend the night with me.

This is cheesy, but true. And I was enjoying pointing the romance back in toward the bedroom.

HER: I know, I understand you.
HER: But, when you know you really like someone, I don’t hope things come fast go fast.

This is a nice Chinese girl saying she doesn’t want a round of “pump-and-dump.” And even as I translate her sentiment into something more locker-room and crass… I love the phrasing she used. I am reading all these messages from back in May, and I remember thinking that was a charming way to say something so many girls have said, so many times.

She couldn’t fuck me that first night… it wouldn’t have felt right (to her). And I have seen this many times before (so many of us have). But a couple of days into her trip to LA, the situation took an interesting turn:

HER: I will come back to China on May 22 from your city.
HER: So, I will come back to your city on May 21…

This ^ is classic “indirect-direct” from a girl. It’s not signed-and-sealed at this stage, but she is saying she wants to come back for “more.”

And I am tempted to say, “she wanted to come back and fuck me.” I think she did want that. And that would be normal for a post like this… the way we talk, telling stories between men. But this moment reminds me of this line from Krauser:

“The big difference was Natalia knew she wanted to fuck me from the beginning…”
— From my Daygame Infinite review

The story I am telling here isn’t the same as where Krauser was going with that quote above, but I am interested in moments when we tell ourselves, “she is coming to fuck.”

I think she was… but I think wise men that know women can see more of it than that. That’s not how these girls would say it, and that’s not how they feel. They want sex, specifically. Yes. But I think, in their own minds… they call it “more.” Something like that.

To say she was thinking of coming back to fuck me… would be to miss a lot of the nuance of it. It would be to miss “the dinner,” the meal, but also the conversation, the drinks afterwards… and only see “the roast.”

At this point, she and I had a lot of logistics to sort through (psychological, as much as geographic), but yeah, I assumed I’d fuck her. And claiming the notch wouldn’t be the hard part… it would be “the rest of it.”

This post is about the rest of it.

Over the next several days, the plan sat, and marinaded in the “indirect” assumption that we would see each other again. She sent me regular updates from LA. The places she’d visited, stories of Hollywood, Rodeo Drive, and Santa Monica. She would wish me “good night” each night. She would tell me she wished she was with me. But I never pressed for the close.

I would stoke the romance, and then “spike it” with overt sexual talk. Giving her some food-for-fantasy about what it would be like if we were “on the beach together,” how afterward I would take her back to “the hotel,” how we’d shower together, and then…

I didn’t explicit invite her to stay with me. I feel like I’ve been needy in this area before, and have chased girls off. But in this case I encouraged the vibe. A few days of this and she got less indirect:

HER: I want to change my travel plan.
HER: I want to come back to your city earlier, to spend more time with you, okay?

Ahh, now it was official. And I was honored (at some level), that I had given her the kind of experience that made her crave “more.” And I was a little turned on at the idea of fucking her. And I’m always amazed when a girl will voluntarily enter a strange man’s world… with all the attendant danger and insecurities of that kind of decision.

And I paused to think of it… this wouldn’t be “super casual” hookup. I don’t mean that it would require any commitment, but I assumed she meant a “long date,” more than a night.

If you haven’t been laid in a while (or even if you have), the idea of new girl on tap for a weekend can sound great. It sounds great to me, right now, actually. And it might be. But “more than overnight” can be a loooooong date.

I have seen men fuck this up before… stuck with girls that they were not that into, where the thrill of sex was not enough to overcome the lack of interest beyond the bedroom. And while I like the romantic side of our opportunity as seducers… I also know that sometimes as soon as your balls are empty, you’re ready to change the taste in your mouth. Sometimes… I like it when they leave.

So this is the guts of this story for me: How do I LEAD myself in a situation like this… in such a way that I have a good time? How do I LEAD her in a such a way, that she has a good time? How do I put together a solid plan, and predict “how much is enough” in advance? How do I communicate all this to her?

This is about boundaries. It’s about some “wisdom” in the ways of women and the fate of flings. While I had been effusive and fueling her fantasies for the last few days, it was time to switch gears… it was time to be practical. It was time to “create a container” where she and I would have a good experience. Where she would feel safe and could explore her fantasy… and where I wouldn’t be trapped with her, if I didn’t enjoy the time.

I barely knew her. We’d had one, quick afternoon date. And now… it was up to me (always, and only me) to set up a plan for another drink of her. An episode that would last at least a couple of days.

NASH: Yes.
NASH: : ]
NASH: Maybe spend the last two nights with me

There, I’d set it up. I have had at least one two-day date with a brand new girl before. I figured I could handle that much, no matter what. I wasn’t sure what she meant by “more time,” but I figured I could put in the effort to make sure we were both happy for 48 hours. Much beyond that, I didn’t know.

But… that was less time than she was thinking:

HER: Why
HER: You don’t want to spend more time with me?

Here we see the “emotional” mind of woman running into the “logical” mind of a men.

I had stoked her fantasy, not really expecting anything would come of it. And while I was excited about the idea of seeing more of her, I know boundaries are often the key to happiness. I had offered a “container,” and it had disappointed her. And that is okay. This was the opening round of negotiation. If she’s going to get wound up, if this isn’t going to go well, I want to do that now, explicitly… not while she was spread all over my apartment (with nowhere else to go).

NASH: I don’t know how much you mean?? : ]
NASH: In general…
NASH: If I am a smart man, I will want you to be very comfortable
NASH: Two nights with me… I know we can have a very good time

Here I am being literal, and direct, and explicit. This is a down-shift of romantic energy, but it’s attractive (as I see it), in it’s own way. Most of all… it’s “attractive” to me. I was being smart here, and I was glad to be doing it. I felt strong. I had an idea in mind, I had my boundaries, they were there for a reason… and I was sticking to them.

I could stop here with this post… this ^ is the most important part.

This was exactly what I had done with the Korean Princess in Tokyo. She had also invited herself and wanted to spend the better part of week with me. I did the same thing with her, cut her suggestions down to a bite-sized plan, and she took it well, and I was happy with my decision. The Korean left me very happy (and well fucked). I did good work there. I wanted to do something similar here.

(As a side note… framing myself as a “smart man” (in those comments above ) is decent elementary work with frames. And that sentence, “If I am a smart man, I will want you to be very comfortable” is very good work. She can’t argue with the latter half of that, and if she even finishes the sentence in her mind… she tacitly accepts that I am a smart man. And putting it all together… a smart man is making her comfortable. That’s a great frame that explains the boundaries and sets up expectations in her head.)

HER: okay
HER: As you know, I will come back to China on May 22
HER: I will head to the airport on May 21’s afternoon.
HER: So, I will stay with you on May 19&20?

She is demonstrating some decent logistical skills here herself. She is helping me nail down the plan. Good girl.

NASH: I think that sounds very good
NASH: It is a “long date”
NASH: But I think you and I can create something beautiful together
NASH: We will spend some time together, explore some of California… And
NASH: You will get kissed a LOT!
HER: Okay : ) [lip emoji] [lip emoji] [lip emoji]

Ahh… there we go. I added that bit of “kissing her a lot” to bring back some of the romance… and also to stress that this will be a sexual date. She hasn’t said she expects to be fucked… and I’m okay with being a little indirect, but I want her to know that I’ll be all over her in my place.

We seemed like we were on track. I had some vague concerns that two days might still be too much, but again… I have enough experience with women to show control over 48 hours. I don’t attract drama, nor do I create it… we could get bored, but I didn’t think we’d get messy. Good enough.

NASH: Come to me… I’ll take care of us

So, that is how we left it. We had several days between the agreement and when she would arrive back in my city. I filled the space with more sexual prompting… the logistics were cleared, now I could turn back on the emotional/sexual potential.

Just before she arrived:

NASH: I am a little happy today
NASH: Do you know why?
HER: Why?
NASH: Because a very lovely girl will visit my city this weekend
NASH: And…
NASH: I think she likes me
NASH: [super cocky pic]
HER: : ) yes, and she changed her travel plans for you…

Some flirting here ^. This is also an example of what I sometimes call “Octopus Game,” where I am “pulling” pretty hard with those comments, and then “push” with accusing her of “liking me” and then the cocky pic to rub it in her face a bit. Good tension there.

HER: : ) : ) : ) You should be very happy, not a little happy
NASH: [pic of a little kid jumping around smiling]
HER: : ) : ) : )
HER: [lips][lips]

She gets the joke of the push here, and tries to rub back. The vibe feels good heading into the weekend.

And the day had arrived. I woke up… a mix of feeling the responsibility of the task of making sure I enjoyed the table I had set for myself, and the excitement of doing exactly that. And, of course, there was a very good chance… I would get laid.

HER: What time shall we meet today? 3 PM?
NASH: That’s great…
NASH: When you’re ready, let me know and I’ll send a car for you…

This ^ was a reasonable plan. She had luggage with her from her trip. We’d want to get her out of her hotel, and into my place. I can send a car to pick her up, bring her to my door. Good plan, but…

HER: You don’t come to see me at the hotel and help me with luggage?

Ahh… and for a moment, I felt a nagging sense that she would now begin fucking with the plan. She had been near perfect so far, letting me lead, doing her part very well. But now, pushing back.

NASH: Hey, that sounds great.
NASH: We can take a car together
NASH: And you can hold my hand
NASH: And tell me how happy you are to see me!
HER: : ) : )

I didn’t want to have any tension for the onset of our weekend, so I agreed. I put in some more future-projection stuff (“you can hold my hand”), where I narrate the future to her. And some more “ego” material (“tell me how happy you are to see me!”) as a bit of “push” to balance out my compliance. And with that, I took a train downtown and went to her hotel to pick her up.

When I saw her… she looked good. She wore the same black leather jacket she had on for our date two weeks before. And a long, black dress. In fact, outside of the bedroom, I have never seen this girl in anything other than a dress. And her lips were a bright red. She looked a little serious. And a little sexy.

I called that car after all, but now, with me by her side. We put the bags in the car, and a very inexperienced driver took the longest route possible to my place. We offloaded her bags onto the sidewalk… I remember it was sunny and nice in the city that day as I walked her up the stairs into my place for the first time.

We put her bags in the spare room. I gave her a very quick tour. It was around 4 PM. Peak daylight in the front room, facing West, in a room that is attached to my bedroom. I hadn’t kissed her yet.

My plan was to get her out of the house. Tour around the city a little. Then dinner. Then fuck her after dinner. I would have been happy to get her naked before that, but I had a long weekend ahead of me, and I was ready to pace out the sex a little… that was the plan.

But there, in the sunlight of mid-day, I kissed her. And she jumped into it. She pushed her hips against mine. And in those next few moments, I knew that the time for sex was “now.”

I walked her the few feet into my bedroom and she did something I’ve never seen before with a new girl… she immediately started taking her own clothes off. That is great, of course. Nothing wrong with it. But in all the girls I’ve gotten naked in recent years… they all look into my eyes and (often after some LMR) let me “take them.” This girl was stripping down and jumping into things. She wasn’t bold. She’s a deeply feminine girl… but she was ready.

I intervened and pealed her clothes off… it is my job, after all. Her body was long, and lean. And with the fantasy fully metastasized in her mind, she was “all in.” It has been weeks since this episode transpired, I don’t remember all the details… but I know I did the kind of things I like to do to women when they are in my bed. And I walked over to the cabinet near my bed where I keep the world’s greatest condoms, and then…

+1 daygame.

As for the sex… she makes great noises, but her particular passionate utterances sound like, “ou!!! ou!!!” As in “ouch!!” And several times I would pull back some, assuming I had hurt her. I don’t have a huge cock, but I know I’ve made girls uncomfortable before as I stabbed into them. In this case, I took in the look in her eyes, and realized that if she was in pain… it was certainly mixed with ample pleasure. I kept going.

She told me later, that no, it wasn’t pain. That was all pleasure… that’s just the noise she makes. And that I “give her great climax.” Cool.

As it turned out, I fucked her several times over the next few days. She was eager for it each time. And she would say “ou! ou!” each time I was in inside her.

She was eager for the sex, to be touched, to be kissed. She is very affectionate. Eager, but never pushy.

In fact, she is one of the most feminine and accommodating girls I’ve ever dated. She gave me lots of space. I got some work done, took care of some business. In those moments, she would run around my house, in the background… doing girly stuff. Her luggage was stuffed with a series of bags within bags, as if everything was individually wrapped. (The Korean girl that stayed with me in Japan was like this too.) She spent some time practicing English (which is important to her), and at one point, she surprised me with several pages of handwritten notes to help me study Mandarin. And she had brought little gifts for me… some face lotion, and a rose-flavored cake she wanted me to try (it’s her favorite).

She had a series of makeup and self-care rituals that took up a lot of her time. It was curious and interesting to have all this going on in my house. She took long baths, put on lotion, applied and removed makeup. The routines of a woman that was mostly unfamiliar to me, going on, for several days, all around me.

There was a “separation of space” in those times… the “men” (me) in one part of the house, doing man stuff. The “women” (her) engaged elsewhere. I have had several live-in girlfriends. And while this was only a weekend, it was different than any experience I’ve had with a woman before. This strong traditional flavor. The clear male/female respect for space.

And so the weekend progressed. Sex the first afternoon… then some tourist stuff. She took a lot of pictures. Home that night… hours of her personal rituals… and then, I fucked her on the couch. Fucked her again in the morning, her, attentive, and happy to suck my cock at any time. We drove down the coast to the beach on the 2nd afternoon… pulling over for a makeout in the fog, and blow job behind tinted windows in the back of my truck. Dinner. More sex. Intimacy as we slept.

She had mentioned that her flight was very early on Tue AM… so, she said, Monday, she would go to the airport. I thought that meant “early” as in 1 AM, but it was to be 10 AM Tuesday morning before she left. She was planning on staying in the airport her last night, and working. She never even hinted at staying we me an extra night. Not even vaguely.

I knew I could offer to keep her that third night. But – and for the same reason I originally only offered her two nights with me – I let her assume we would stick to our plan. If I wanted her another night (even as a friendly gesture between lovers), I could always offer it later.

And I did offer to keep her another night, turning two nights into three. It was toward the end of the second night that I told her she would stay with me on Monday, and I’d send her off to the airport early Tuesday AM. She argued that she knew I needed my space. And that I had work, and my work was important. (I don’t play up the importance of my work, but I love it when girls do.) And I told her I knew what I was doing, and I would take good care of her one last night, that she would stay with me. She loved it. She was graceful and something like elegant through this last round of negotiations.

No drama. Win-win again. This is how it should be.

It was a flawless weekend. I’ll take credit for being prepared, for knowing what I wanted, for having good boundaries. And I’ll give her credit for being an absolutely charmingly-feminine, compliant, and generous woman. Thank you, sweet girl.

Last year, I kept Miss Lips for two days after our first time in bed. She pushed for a third night (after she missed her plane), and I waved it off… that would have crossed my boundaries. Not the amount of time, but her vibe, the way she handled herself… not nearly as easy and wonderful to be around as The Assistant.

And a few weeks ago, I went down to Southern California, where I booked a nice hotel room, and hosted Miss Slow for two nights. It, too, was a “risky venture” (I was very unsure about how that weekend would go), but it was also very successful. And Miss Slow is cuter than The Assistant, but not as fun to be with… and despite me being more attracted to Miss Slow at a “surface level,” the sex with the Assistant was also better, richer, more passionate (for certain).

I am surprised to say this ^… again, I have a conflict between my eyes and my cock. But, in these times, my cock is always right.

I call her The Assistant for a reason — that’s her job — and I think her career says something about her. She is an executive assistant to a powerful man in a corporation in China. If you don’t know much about this job title… these girls often have real responsibility and make very good money. Often six figures. And they work for (as far as I can tell)… mostly abusive people.

I have dated several Executive Assistants now (they make excellent dates). And a good friend of mine has been an executive assistant at several super–well-known corporations here in California. The stories about the Executives they work for are almost always the same… abusive, impatient, demanding.

So what kind of girl can work for an abusive boss, year after year, in an ongoing way? Well, I can tell you: These girls are “conservative” to some degree, mostly in that they are orderly, and are great with details (“conscientious,” as Jordan Peterson would say). They’re attentive (they have to be). They can predict the needs of powerful men (which is part of why they are great to date). They are not always “low self esteem” (the Assistant wasn’t, neither is my friend), but you can see how a girl that was very competent, but had a low opinion of herself, could endure abuse better than a girl with high self esteem.

In Japan this last year, I dated a gorgeous girl, super-super beautiful, refined girl… but I couldn’t connect to her, as she is clearly LSE. It came out in our one-and-only date. I made out with her a couple of different times as I walked her to the train that night (her mouth was lush, wet and delicious), but I never saw her again. Over dinner that night, we talked about how her boss went through several assistants… they would all quit… but not her. She could take it. Why? Because her mom has been abusing her (verbally) her whole life, training this particular girl to be highly competent, attentive, successful… and to always put herself last. To get the job done, despite the abuse.

If you know my relationship to women, the classic “treat her mean to keep her keen” philosophy is not for me. I have boundaries, and am increasingly good sticking to them, at being selfish when I need to be… but grinding on girls is no fun for me… and it’s not necessary for the kinds of girls I have in my life. I like to “do dirty things with nice girls,” but I treat them very well. If the girls in my life needed “dark triad” bullshit… I’d find different girls.

So the two-day date that turned into a three-day date with this particular Assistant went perfectly. She is high self esteem. And I am a strong man, centered, romantic, but with boundaries (probably not all that different than the men she is used to working for). And this turned out to be a perfect combination. She is a pleaser. In my romantic life, so am I. And as I can dominate her (and I did), the vibe between us had an edge, was never saccharine.

For my last day with the Assistant (a Monday), I brought her with me for a version of my regular routine. We had a great lunch. Then I took her to my gym, got her a guest pass, and we both swam. And I did a bit of work downstairs while she did another lap of feminine primping after the pool. I took her to a cafe. We sat side by side, for several hours, working silently. She’d kiss my cheek every so often. I’d squeeze her hand. Or run my fingers up under her skirt into her inner thigh, under the table, where no one could see, and she’d give me a look… part fake-mad, part ready to get fucked again. That night, once more… dinner, sex, we slept close.

Easy. Comfortable. Very good.

I sent her off to the airport in a car early that last morning. There was no sense of “relief” because there was never any pressure. We had a very solid frame of masculine and feminine, good boundaries, I kept our plans reasonable but fun… she had a great time, I never over-reached.

I felt proud as she’d left. She was a very happy girl.

I don’t recommend long dates. 24 hours (or less) is usually plenty. But I have had these opportunities (particularly when the girl is traveling) to have intense, concentrated, short-term flings. This was another. And it went well.

It went so well… I get massive Wall of Text messages from her every couple of weeks. Ego-stoking tributes to me, to romance, to the time we had together.

Here is a recent shorter one:

She is lovely girl.

If she were local, she would want too much from me (I bet). But as she is half way around the world, our romance was exactly the right proportions. I gave her a fantasy of a love affair with a strong man from California. She gave me another chapter of rich experience handling a lovely and feminine women… and all the sex I could handle for three days.

Well done.

Here’s to great experiences… so many of which start with chatting up a girl on the street. It doesn’t always work (it mostly doesn’t, actually), but when it does… amazing.

Viva Daygame.