I was asking an ex for some advice on a topic she knows a lot about. She offered to help me last week, and I ended up cancelling on her. I don’t like to cancel, especially when she was trying to help. I offered to take her for a drink for the time she spent trying to help me out… that’s how we ended up out on a date last night.
I was looking forward to spending some time with this girl. I was looking fwd to the drinks. I wasn’t really on the make… I’m friends with almost all my former lovers, but wasn’t try to sex her. Taking an ex out for a drink/two is no big deal to me. I do this all the time. I had a different ex over for dinner last week, she cooked for me and another friend, it was delicious.
This one and I met 5 years ago. She was 25. She and I locked eyes in a restaurant. I approached her and her friend, and I took her FB. We dated for a while, then stopped. Then dated again, more long term the 2nd time. In the end, she lived with me… for a couple of months. That was over 3 years ago.
Last night I took her to a dive bar. I said, “it’s a dirty bar, so I know you’ll like it,” and she gave me that slightly devilish laugh — she does appreciate a bit of “dirty,” this one.
We were both a little early. I sat still and watched her stroll across the bar. I stood up to give her a hug, and I noticed how tall she seemed, in her 4″ wedges. The bar was empty, which was perfect. We sat at the corner of the bar itself, at 90 degrees to each other, chairs close.
As the date started, my inner analyst noticed that I was leaning on the bar, toward her. She was sitting back, looking straight ahead. That was a little check-in for me.
We drank a bunch… more than I’ve had in a while. She’s a drinker. That’s fun, for nights like this, but wasn’t fun as we dated. A little too much booze for me, even though I drink every day, we weren’t compatible there.
As the drinks flowed, conversation was easy and friendly. It was good to be with her.
She has a boyfriend now. I’m not sure how serious, but they have talked about living together. At one point I asked how she felt about polyamory. I asked if, if… if she was going to “go outside of her relationship,” would she do that explicitly, or on the covert. She said, “when I have done that…” She and I agreed that doing that “undercover” is the more honorable way to go. It’s your “mess,” keep it to yourself, I said. I believe that.
At one point, she wants me to check out her boobs, asking me if I noticed that she “had them done” since she/I were together. She knows I’m an ass man, and told me so. I told her I didn’t notice, which I didn’t. It’s an interesting moment as a man, when you’re randomly immune to some feminine trait, and they have to point it out to you, as they’re not getting the usual reaction. Some girl I dated years ago had fake boobs… I didn’t notice or care. As we got naked the first time, that girl brought it up… I didn’t care then either.
My date made some interesting comments about the type of men she attracts now — “boob guys.” She says they’re super weird, and she likes ass men better. Ironic to me that she spent all the money, had her body changed, ending up attracting men she’s not into. This is very human, this is very “girl.”
She found several occasions to say how much her family likes me. I know they did, I liked them too.
I found a few occasions to talk about how she has a big heart. She said it, actually, and she’s right, she does have a big heart. She’s an imperfect girl, but she is a warm, nurturing person. I told her several times… felt good.
And she’s a smoker – another thing I wasn’t into when we dated. This might have been the thing I liked least about her. I wouldn’t date a smoker now, in fact, I don’t approach girls that smoke. In this context, I didn’t care. I’d go outside with her and she’d smoke, and we’d come back in and drink.
Despite the smoking, I started to notice that I wanted to kiss her. It was a fun date, I was drunk, I wanted to kiss this girl.
I noticed our body language had changed too. I was now learning back. I could feel her knees squeezed in between mine. I know I was starting to grab her wrists… that’s a bit of dominance and physical escalation I’m very comfortable with. It was a sign I knew where things were going.
So then, we’re outside on a smoke break, and I kissed her. I don’t remember it being a big deal, I just went for it. I was drunk, so was she. It was easy. And it was hot.
And then she wanted feedback on her boobs. She made me touch them, to test the “squishiness.” Girls with fake boobs always want you to touch them. I was more interested in her nipples. I’m thinking how we must of have looked, outside, me tracing her nipples thru her dress as I had her pushed up against the wall. Making out and chatting as she pulled on a Marlboro Light. Drunk stuff, right there.
And it was getting late… 4 hours into this date, maybe? And we decided to leave, and she asked me to come back to her place… “to meet her dog.” See? Girls do that “plausibility” thing so well. We can learn from that. I said yes, remembering I’m a bachelor and bachelors are supposed to do “unwise” things.
Her place. Her upstairs neighbors. And the dogs. The dogs loved me, including the one that bit her current boyfriend in the face and doesn’t like him. Left a big scar, I hear, on the boyfriend, but the nasty little beast liked me just fine. Why not? I passed the “dog test.” I always do. I speak dog, fluently. Dogs can tell.
We rolled around on her bed. She wanted me to see her boobs, so she broke them out. They were… boobs. As I said, I don’t really care. I played w/ them. We made out. I don’t think she was wearing anything under that thin, stretchy dress. That dress, 1/2 way down so I could see her boobs, I gathered it up and squeezed it into my fist at her hips, with nothing but skin above and below. She used to give me hickies when we dated, and we joked about that, and she gave me a nice bruise near my hip as a souvenir. Grape colored in the mirror this morning… I laughed.
I wasn’t feeling particularly sexy. Maybe this is just me, but I was just drunk, fucking around. I haven’t had sex in FOREVER… but I wasn’t feeling like it was going to happen with her. I kept my clothes on. This was a drunk “teenage makeout,” which was fine with me. It was never my intention to end up in bed with her.
I noticed some light stubble on her legs as we tossed around. I haven’t been in bed w/ a white girl for so long, years, I had forgotten about stubble. If I date another white girl, I’ll be back to stubble. Hairless Asian girls… love them.
And then… I was looking into her eyes, staring a bit… and she started to cry. And said this was too much for her, that I’m her “special relationship” and it hurt to do this together. Some of that was definitely the alcohol. I smiled and said it was a great night. That I had a good time, it was great to kiss her and fool around. And I slid back into my new Vans, and left, taking a very drunk Uber home that night.
When she/I were together, it was a complicated time. But one thing that was clear, back then, was every time I gave her an inch, she took a mile. She was doing very little, at the time, to be charming, and was increasing her demands every day. And then picking fights with me. Eventually, it was obvious to me that neither of us were happy, so I broke it off.
Seeing her last night reminded me of the relationship she and I had, and how so many relationships follow that pattern. My last relationship w/ the Tokyo Queen was very similar.
“She finds a “good catch” – that rare man who meets her almost impossibly high standards.”
“Rather than do whatever it takes to help him live the life of his dreams, she does whatever it takes to have him submit to her.”
That “encroachment” from women. Once a girl is on the inside, instead of supporting you, she wants to change you and demands more and more, gives less and less. I don’t date bitches. I’ve never been more masculine… but I am “nice” to girls that are on the inside with me… and that, will throw fire on a woman’s instinct to encroach, fix, and dominate a man. I think a man can craft a different experience than that, but it takes some ruthless leadership on his part, and a lot of effort.
She reminded me of all this. This is why I’ll rent for now, but won’t buy. The occasional lease, but won’t buy.
I have a lot to learn about women. I think game will give me ample time to practice, to see women in action.
I’m warmed up a bit by how passionate she was about me, and about what I meant to her. It felt good, for what it was worth. I know she/I shouldn’t date… last night was a rare thing, I’m not trying to make it regular. It was great for me to get some love/affection, I needed that. She’s a great kisser.
I saw my ex the Tokyo Queen twice last month. This one yesterday. I need to get some leads in my life… revisiting ex girlfriends isn’t going to do it. But it was an interesting night.
Bring on the daygame.