I have never gotten a girl pregnant. I have never been involved in an abortion. I have never even had a real scare with a girl.
And while I am 100% pro-family, and I like kids, I’m not trying to make any babies right now. Starting a family is the right path for most men, I have deep respect for proper patriarchs, but that is not what I want for myself. Not today.
Since January I have been seeing Miss Happy. The odd events of 2020 have put me in a state of “accidental monogamy” with her. I like her and it has been good to “go deep” with one girl… and deeper into the practice skills beyond the pickup and deeper investigations of the female psyche.
But now, in mid-May, the frenzied passion from the beginning has settled into a more everyday kind of love affair. And by every day, I mean… “The Players Rhythm” of an intense date, once a week. I like her, but it’s not “new and sparkly” any more.
And I really miss Game. When 2020 settles down, I am certain I will bounce back into the crowds (when they finally appear) and spread my love around to so many yet unnamed nubiles. Even the idea is inspiring.
Where does this leave Miss Happy and I? Well, I am not the kind of man that gives girls that version of “the talk” where you tell her you’re going to see other girls. I think that is so anti-romantic as to be insulting (too direct, even for me). And I don’t offer any thing like commitment (never). I always tell stories about how “maybe someday,” but for now, “I’m a lover, not a boyfriend or a husband.” Miss Happy heard those disclaimers early and explicitly. I love hard, but I am clear about what I have to offer these girls.
I care about her. But…
I can’t wait to game.
Two weeks ago we had something like a fight. It wasn’t based in anger, but we had some drama. Skipping over the details, I would say she was feeling a little put off. A little neglected. And I could feel some “games” in how she was communicating with me. The wounded girl, retaliating, adding extra feminine chaos to the mix as I tried to set up our next date.
But I got it set up. And I had her come over early. We took a walk. I talked to her, I wanted to understand her, I wanted her to air any resentments. I used the time to lead her thoughts about “what we are” and “where we’re going.” It was a successful talk. She told me she felt something like “hurt” when I set the boundary that led to our fight. And even as I set that boundary yet again in our talk, she got to see me show some care for her. She got to see I could hold two stances at once: I could be strong in what I want and still want the best for her. We went home after our walk. I fucked her. Nothing extravagant, but it was deep, emotional sex. I cooked for her and we slept.
Going back to that walk…
I didn’t think I would fuck her that night. I assumed… she would be on period. Actually, I was wondering if the “games” she had been playing with me that week were related to her being “more emotional.” I asked her and she said “no.” And it wasn’t a big deal to her.
I don’t take notes or anything, but when I am dating a girl regularly, I have some sense for where she is at in her cycle. I like to know when sex will be blocked out from the mess (I’m not into period sex). And also…
I like to know that I’m not an accidental father.
But she brushed past it quickly that night. “No,” she hadn’t had her period yet. And that meant her period was maybe a little late. She isn’t completely regular, but…
Over text this week, I asked about her period again. “No.” She said. No “alarm” in her tone. It was as if she genuinely felt like it wasn’t a big deal (though: some girls want to get pregnant, so it’s hard, sometimes, to read them in that way).
This all leads up to our date last night:
She came over, and brought me a present, as usual (some food she had cooked). She wasn’t in my place for even five minutes when I saw her glance toward the bed. I could tell she “wanted it.” I walked her over, pushed her down…
As I began to strip off her clothes, I asked, yet again. I hadn’t seen any evidence of her period in what “felt” like 5 weeks. Maybe six? “No,” she said. And I said, you seem comfortable about it, this is all normal for you? And she very easily dismissed it. I read her then, and she felt real. She wasn’t worried. In the moment, it was enough for me.
I went to work on her. I hadn’t tied her up in a while, so I did that – elbows up past her ears and framing her face, her wrists knotted together behind her head, the bite of the rope running tight down her spine and then, wrapped three times just under her tits and tied off behind her, holding her in on display in that forced-vulnerable position, helpless… and ready to be ravished.
I fucked her in a half a dozen positions, ate her pussy, and made her squirt three or four times. More, really excellent sex – she and I are great like that. Then I took her to dinner.
Later that night we fell asleep watching this movie Dangerous Beauty. It is about a courtesan. And it has some very Secret Society notions of sex and love and marriage. And we talked about those themes. She passed out, her head on my chest, as we talked… but I think the conversation was unsettling.
This morning, as the sun rose through overcast skies, a faint grey buzz of light filled my place. My cats (little hunter-killer machines that they are) began to roam the room, making some noise, not-so-subtlety signaling they wanted breakfast. I got up and gave them a half a scoop and crawled back into the sheets and next to a naked Miss Happy.
But I couldn’t slip back into my dreams. I was anxious. I was thinking about being pregnant.
I am on record as being a staunch advocate of condoms. When I was younger, all my relationships were set up to include having her on “the pill” so I could bust in carefree abandon, with my “kids” dripping down between her thighs each time. But these days…
There is no way I would leave birth control up to a woman. No way. Being childless is a kind of freedom for me, a freedom I respect. And I would never let a woman manage that freedom for me. I don’t care at all if a girl is using an IUD or is on the pill… I always use condoms.
But, I will sometimes “dip into” a girl. Early in the session, before I have a bunch of come “pre-loaded” in my cock, when I am hard but we haven’t been at it too long… I’ll sometimes plunge in raw. I give her the surprise of being roughly penetrated. It’s hot. It’s not smart (not at all), but in those brief periods, it has been an acceptable level of risk for me.
I am not talking about “the pull out method” – when you pound away unprotected, but then “pull out” just before you come and toss it on her tits or into her pretty face. My “raw moments” are very brief, very early in the sexual scene. I wouldn’t fuck a girl raw if I was too excited, or if I have been anywhere near coming.
But Miss Happy and I have had so much sex. Two/three rounds a night, at least once a week. And I have done the trick of tapping her for brief raw-dog moments several times recently.
And this is how I “fucked myself,” in this case. I had taken some chances. Small risks, but it’s possible I got some seed in her. Very possible. So when her period was late…
Could it be?
All this was on my mind this morning as the sun rose. Had my streak of mostly carefree freedom and carousing come to conclusion? Would I be a dad, now, accidentally? As I laid in bed this morning, I tried to accept it… were it true. I tried to face it, were it the fact of the day. If I was to be a dad… I know I could do it.
And then the cats were attacking each other, in some game where they faux-kill each other in their ritual of what life outside might be like, if they could ever escape their 9th floor apartment. This morning, in combat, they tore a lap across the room and knocked over some picture frames with a violent crash.
Miss Happy jumped and clutched at me. And she actually shuddered… not only startled, she was genuinely scared. And she held onto me. Almost childishly.
So as I lay in that grey morning light, I pushed my anxious brooding about accidental parenthood aside, and tried to calm her down. I could “feel the energy” of her, as her soft but tense body was pressed against mine. She tossed back and forth some, every few minutes, making sure neither of us could slip back into sleep. And then she said:
She said it was a combination of a bad dream and the noise as the cats woke us up. That may be true. But I will go out on a limb and say that as I lay next to her, bad-tripping on thoughts about pregnancy and that she and I might be tied together by a child, as I turned all that into a mild, mental boil… she picked up on that “energy” too.
I felt her fear this morning after the cats crashed open the day. Could she also feel mine? My dread of being cast in a role that I don’t really want for myself? I’m sure she felt, even as it was all unspoken.
I tried to center myself. To get grounded. I tried, to lead a vulnerable girl into safety. I rubbed at the tension in her limbs. I whispered instructions to her, to relax the many muscles from her toes to the tension in her temples. She was better. I could “feel it,” but she still tossed. It was maybe 4:30 AM. We both needed to sleep…
I decided to fuck her again – for “medicinal” purposes. I got up, grabbed a condom, and put it on the bed next to me… and then I teased her. Pulling her nipples and tonguing her ear. Pressing my cock against the fullness of her ass. She was purring, the sex pushing aside the scare. I strapped on that condom, flipped her onto her stomach, and pushed my cock into her from behind. I pressed her face into the down pillows, and fucked her, hard. And it was (as always) very good.
Words escaped that narrow space between her lips and the pillows. She was saying “so deep” and some of her usual sex chatter. But that wasn’t all she said. She said something I have never heard in bed with a women before. She said…
“Don’t leave me.”
I swear that is what she said. Mixed in with the moans, and telling me to go deeper, she said, maybe 10 times… “don’t leave me.”
It wasn’t emotional, not particularly. It was in the same tone as “sooo deeeeep.” It wasn’t a plea or desperate or begging. She was clearly enjoying the sex, but it was there. Stark and unmissable words turning us into an awkward threesome of her, and I, and her inopportune confession.
This is real. It’s another remarkable moment in my time as a player and a lover of women.
I wasn’t ignoring her, but I didn’t respond. I just took it in like a note in a notebook. And continued to fuck her. Not avoiding it, but I kept after my goal of fucking the tension out of both of us. I thought all this would help us sleep.
After a while, I wanted to flip her over her onto her back, and to finish, face to face. And as I did…
My cock was smeared with blood. Really?! Was this her period? Yes. It was. Unbelievable timing.
I told her that her period had come. With surprise in her voice she said, “it did?” It wasn’t much, just a bit of blood. And I had really worked her pussy hard the night before as I made her squirt. Maybe there was some blood from all that? But, I didn’t think so…
I got a towel and put it beneath her. And I finished. It wasn’t a big, beautiful fuck, but it had done it’s job. I didn’t even take the condom off… I just rolled her over to her side, put her in “little spoon,” held her to me, and…
We both fell asleep. I figured a good fuck would do it – spend the nervous energy of the morning. Her’s of being left. Mine of being captured by a responsibility of family that I don’t want for myself.
I keep an unofficial eye on the sky, and when it felt like time to start the day I stood up. I still had the condom wrapped around my cock. And yes, there was some blood on it. And I felt…
I stroked Miss Happy’s milky skin to rouse her into the day. I cheerfully warmed her up, and she rose, tired, but also happy again.
And she was really bloody now. Last night… not a sign of it. As I fucked her this morning, a hint. By the time the sun was up, completely so. I don’t mean to overplay the scene… but a full YES to that girl having her period this morning. Yes. I can’t believe how it all happened, but it did.
She nervously got up and made her way into the shower. She was sheepish about the mess, but of course, I didn’t care.
I felt such relief, but… the morning would be incomplete until I asked her about saying “don’t leave me” during sex. Those words were more than unusual for a couple, in mid-thrust, and I wanted to face that part too.
I told her I had fucked her to get her to relax. She playfully accused me of being a cad, that the sex was just a chance to selfishly get off. Oh yeah?? Did it work, I asked? Hadn’t we both fallen asleep immediately afterwards? “Yes,” she said, surprised to realize it.
And then I broached the topic, asked her about saying, “don’t leave me.” And she said, “I did?” And I said, yeah, you did. And I told her I wasn’t concerned, but I wanted her to know that (of course) I noticed. What did that mean to her, I asked?
She said, “it’s just that I need you.”
And I think there are a lot of guys that run around thinking that making girls “need you” is cool. But I am not that kind of guy. I respect responsibility, but I don’t think dependency is sexy. And it’s dangerous for a relationship to stoke that kind of fire… even a “casual” one.
So I coached her about it… I helped her reframe it as “want.” She is a very smart, capable girl, and she knows it. She doesn’t “need” me, and I don’t need her to need me either. I helped her reframe the need as “want” or just appreciation for what it’s like when we’re together. We don’t have to “need” or “try” or even “want” each other… we just “are” good lovers. We are (most of the time) “1 + 1 = 3.” And I told her that, and she smiled.
She was fine. She looked great. I have some work to do yet between she and I, but as she left for work she was “Miss Happy” once again.
Beyond the approach, beyond getting her out or getting her naked, deeper into the relationship elements… this is what wrangling girls looks like. And this is what wrangling myself looks like. It is always both.
And she was gone and it felt like “Christmas” that I was not pregnant. Thank the Daygame Gods for that. I love kids. I respect families. Maybe I’ll do all that someday… maybe… when I am stronger. But it wouldn’t start today.
And maybe “dipping it in” is low risk. But as you may be able to tell by this essay… it is too risky for me. If my freedom is that important, I can skip that thrill. It wasn’t worth it this morning. I’m done with it.
After she left I made the bed. Even though I put the towel under us this morning, before that, we’d gotten some blood on the sheets. And there it was… evidence that I was still free. That I could be free to choose what I would do next. Continue on with Miss Happy. Date other girls. Maybe do both. Maybe choose to be a father one day… or maybe not. All options were open, once again. For now.
In my sheets… those streaks of dried blood…
What an incredible morning.
May we have good experiences. May we give the girls good experiences. Viva daygame.
Thinking about Miss Happy. The “don’t leave me” thing is still on my mind.
I have felt sad for girls before. I have felt the pathos of the way they feel in general, or about me, or their situation, or their search for love and security. I am interested in all that.
In this case, I can say that Miss Happy said, “I love you” on our second or third date – also during sex. And she said “I need you” (kind of in an achy way) one night as we were falling asleep. And now the “don’t leave me” during sex.
I am not trying to minimize those feelings or be callous, but I think something else could be going on too…
It’s a type of “testing.” Not “shit testing” (but maybe). Just “trying it out,” seeing what happens. She’s not being fake, she’s just “trying it out.” Like pushing a button to find out what it will do.
I think she is being a little bit “experimental.” Not in a completely cold way, but all the same. Experimenting even with herself, in that situation.
And how I react DOES matter. It tells her about me. But it also tells her about her experiment. It tells her about the situation. Was what she said powerful? Maybe, but not as much as it might have been. What effect did it have? Some, but nothing very dramatic. She is learning something from all this… about the potential and about the specifics.
She was “feeling” out the situation, my reaction, and her own feelings in each case.
It is shit test, unconscious, but shit test.
If you give her emotional validation, she will expect more and more commitment. It does not matter what you answer verbally, but your non-verbal communication is saying “I would consider baby, if you would somehow get pregnant”.
This I agree with. Mostly. But I don’t imply much with the term “shittest,” but it was definitely a “test” of something… even an accidental test…
And I think I am on-to something when I say it was a “test of herself,” her own position on the vibe between us.
Oh, no. Definitely not.
You heard that, because this blog is dead-honest, and I literally transcribed my thoughts for you. She has never heard anything like that. And I wouldn’t “consider a baby.” I just wouldn’t abandon one if I happen to knock a girl up… and that bit of conversation is just between us here, I’ve never said anything like that to her either.
There are something going on this post, but me showing that I’m somehow ready to passively accept a baby isn’t part of this story.
If anything… I asked about her period a lot. It was a theme. And she never “flexed” in anyway when I asked about. But if she was to pick up something from me, it would be there… my fixation on that… that’s my guess.
As she finally gave me some “RED GOLD,” I didn’t express any relief with her at all. The whole affair for me was “washed away.” So there was no emphasis there either… even as I was tremendously relieved.
[QUOTE]…”shit testing” (but maybe). Just “trying it out,”…[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]. It is shit test, unconscious, but shit test.[/QUOTE]
I’ve had this situation with women who did not want [more] children or marriage, and women who did maybe, or maybe not with me because they couldn’t feel secure with someone they could not ruffle or control through sex or drama.
My opinion: whatever a woman says, however you restrict dates to once a week, not seeing friends or family, I don’t think it changes something fundamental for a woman. Her body doesn’t know about condoms, iuds… Her body knows that she has surrendered to a man on days that she is fertile and let him inside her. That works powerfully on her psyche no matter how hardened she might pretend to be. And if she treasures her time with you she won’t want to lose you.*
Guys look around and see ‘hot women’ all over the place and think that good romance, good sex, good companionship is everywhere. And in a sense it is, if you are open to it on women’s terms.
Women read romance books or watch movies and think ‘I want THAT in my life.’ And then they date the little boys that populate their world and wind up cruelly disappointed. So if she finds a guy who measures up she is certainly going to either 1) cling to him like a drowning sailer to a splinter of mast or a barrel, or 2) dynamite the relationship with crazy drama because she knows she doesn’t have smv or sanity or ‘deserves’ enough to make it last and she can’t stand the idea of you dumping her so lets just get it over now because I can’t maintain sanity in the face of everything I want but know I can’t have. So she pulls the ripcord by amping up the crazy until the guy disappears. Of course if he sticks to her through crazy then that becomes a failed shit test. If he disappears then it isn’t really a shit test, just a defense mechanism of sorts. Might as well get it done and proceed to find another whom she can lock down.
Also, good sex is addicting.
*Note 1. I remember clearly the time I figured out… If you meet a girl and keep seeing her, at some point you notice the red gold… And you can do the math. And I did it for several woman whom I dated. I thought I was such a great seducer. In reality I was there, right place right time, on the evening when she was ovulating and she needed ‘it.’ And I didn’t do anything to screw it up.
Corollary: I wonder if women with the sort of husbands and boyfriends whom they ‘allow’ to have sex after the lawn gets mowed etc…. I am thinking that these guys only get sex during the non-fertile parts of the cycle, because during the three or so fertile days of the cycle the woman feels such disgust that nothing can happen with them and all the guy gets is drama.
Hey Alchemist. Lots of great comments here, as usual.
I agree with you on that whole section, but I would add that I think you have to look to see if she has actually surrendered.
I don’t think a woman’s body knows about condoms/IUDs either, but her conscious mind sure does. And I think condoms/IUDs/pill can make it easier for her to have sex with men where she hasn’t really surrendered… low consequences, so the potential of the sex means less.
When she HAS really surrendered, this is when I think her UNCONSCIOUS mind wants the birth control to fail – that is to say, she wants to get pregnant. What ever made her surrender would also make her want to carry your baby. I think we are wise to pay extra attention when we can see she is “all in.”
Here I am just curious about the whole cycle.
I don’t know that she feels “disgust” for the “beta” when she is most fertile. I think she is most horny there (for biological reasons). And I believe she works out ways to see high SMV men on those days (even if it’s unconscious) to get pregos and have “sexy sons.” I believe that.
I have also had so many girls come back to my place and fool around on early dates – even as they were on their period. It happens so often I wonder if I am “nice”/”sensitive” enough to be the guy they feel close to on those days… doesn’t mean I don’t get “ovulation days” too, but I see a bit of Red Gold… lots of players do… even on first dates… at the sex location, even though she is on her period.
I also know girls that are super horny just before/after their period… Miss Happy was in this story, epic sex, she really wanted it… and she was hours away from starting her period.
I think all of that is harder to understand (or to make patterns about) than we might assume.
1 in 6 chance she is on her period on any given day (~4-5 days out of a ~28-30 day cycle). That is a ~17% chance you’ll find Red Gold on any given day…
I really don’t know. I have had a ton of experience, and consistent patterns in horniness/period days are not obvious to me at all.
Girls are not always regular. I think you have to wait at least a month before you start to worry.
I suspect this is going to be a repeating pattern.
In my experience good sex leads to pair bonding at some level. Conscious or not. The better and more frequent the more so. In my experience it makes little difference what you say, what you explain, what ideas you lead her into. Sex is intimate, and it’s as if we were evolved to have deep emotional and biological responses when a mate seems fit and appropriate. To lock that person down, it helps to truly have real feelings for them, not just fake it.
So the better you get being close to girls, the more they will want to remain close with you.
Then after a while it will become near inevitable that breaking hearts is an unavoidable near routine consequence. That can get old.
This is a lot of where I am at right now.
Not all girls like me. Not all girls that date me (or even fuck me) want to again. But I do hook girls.
Two different Chinese girls last year, were really heart broken. And kept sending messages, long after I said goodbye and went quiet. I felt terrible, in both cases. Especially the second one (Miss Bangs). I really liked her. She is a fantastic girl. But I was never aiming for anything serious, never suggested we’d even see each other again, and I just didn’t have anything to offer her anymore.
I will make it clear I am a “lover only” (not a BF, not a husband), only because I am not intentionally trying to such them in. They won’t necessarily get too into me, but if they do, I know there is no “speech” that will make a difference. Maybe in their behavior, but not in how they feel.
I am going to write about this. I feel it coming with Miss Happy.
Risk of pregnancy and STDs isn’t discussed much in the community. Seems like a huge risk to me. Xants had chlamydia for seven months!
I am surprised there aren’t more STDs, but I have nothing to report and most guys I know escape unharmed.
I do avoid the super-sluts, though. I (with rare exception), always where a condom.
But chlamydia… I hear about that one again and again.
I know this guy that was doing a lot of online dating. Fucking 7 different girls in a period of a month. He got chlamydia from one of them. Then had to call all of them, to say he might have spread it along. And then… it all happened to him AGAIN, he got it again, and had to call another batch of girls. That guy has a lot of issues and generally bad judgement, but… be warned.
Nice post Nash. Even I’m super paranoid about pregnancies and I hate the feeling of uncertainty while waiting for a girl’s period. To help ease my mind and to avoid asking a girl if she’s had it (I never like asking her about it in this context) I test each condom after use. I fill it up with water, pat dry the outside surface and then apply pressure by squeezing it. If there are no leaks, the condom should balloon but the surface would still be dry.
I have also been seeing a regular over the last 10 months and I’ve tried to be careful about the signals I’m giving her. For instance, I only meet her once or twice a week, we always have sex when we meet, I show no PDA, I never let her sleep over and when she asked for a more serious relationship, I made it clear I wasn’t interested in it. We do go out for a meal after sex, but I do sometimes feel like I’m being cruel because she’s a sweet girl and always pleasant company. However, I think I’m doing the right thing in the long term.
Just like how game tells us to prioritize a girl’s actions over her words, do you feel like your words and actions are incongruent?
Hey man, thanks for the comment.
I think that is very strange, but… I actually appreciate that we have a place to talk about this kind of thing. Sex is so “private,” we never hear these details except for places like this blog… interesting.
I wouldn’t bother if I were you. At that point, it’s too late and condoms are VERY reliable.
FWIW, I will hide the (used) condoms to keep “the seed” away from her, if I am at all worried. Maybe that is weird of me, but… I have done it.
Do you mean no affection? Or no “public” affection? I am very into affection, for the record. I also do some PDA (particularly at dinner itself), but walking around, I like to keep it chill… mostly for “Secret Society” reasons and because I don’t think it’s a great look for a “high level” man. She can hold onto me, but I don’t push it physically until we’re alone or indoors (maybe in an alley/doorway, or at a bar/restaurant).
The “feeling cruel” part is interesting. I get it. My buddy The Natural and I talk about what it’s like to break up with girls. How “even the torturer is tortured.” It’s true.
Yeah. I think I am VERY congruent… for my specific ROLE. I am a “seducer.” So I do seduction, which includes romance and affection and sex and very intense time together. For sure. That can be “bonding,” but I”m not avoiding that sensation… it’s part of the package.
I think men send strong signals when they 1. Don’t make any promises (not ever), and 2. They control THE TIME/DISTANCE between them and the girl.
I don’t text everyday. I only see her about 1X per week. I don’t let her keep stuff at my place. If you control the time, the bonding is limited – it dissipates between meetings. That is one means to protect her heart… and to communicate with her. It’s very mature, as I see it.
So she (and I) will have feelings… but they cool out. I’m not always available. I never make promises. I carry myself like a man with some “experience.” I don’t talk about the future, much.
And I think the girl understands that. They almost always have more experience than we do (read my Lolita piece for more on that).
I break hearts sometimes. And that is an acceptable outcome for lovers/seducers. My heart has been broken as well. No risk, no reward.
There is always a TENSION between giving the girl a VERY GOOD EXPERIENCE and also wanting to spare her from heartbreak. It’s basically one or the other. Use TIME/DISTANCE to keep attachment at reasonable levels, and then… love full out when you’re together. Lance Mason has some talks on this topic… I learned a lot from him.
There are no solutions, only compromises (credit: T.Sowell), and these are positions I can live with.
I know exactly what you mean about “itching to get back out and get laid with other girls”. Being in total lockdown has certainly given me an appreciation for the sexual freedom/abundance we had before, that’s for sure.
Yeah, I think I can official say I am back at it. I did 7 approaches today. That is still a little low, but approaching “normal.”
I am “forcing it” a little bit. I am approaching because I know I need to if I want to begin another set of affairs. I am leaning in because I want to get it going.
It is not going particularly well, but my experience…
“If you approach them, they will come.”
How’s that ^? I like it.