SH: Sex in Two Dates, a Lay Report | Miss Soft, +1 Shanghai

She was my third notch on this trip. First, I had my “surprise” nightgame lay with HK Business Girl. And a fantastic weekend where I closed a long lead, Miss Bangs. That was a daygame lay, but as I picked her up months ago (back in my city), she wasn’t “sourced” from this trip. My third lay in Shanghai, was a girl I met, dated, and fucked in China. We’ll call her Miss Soft, and she was a proper Shanghai daygame lay.

“It’s been a great trip. Two more dates today, one tomorrow. I may not get a proper, new daygame lay… But I have had a great time. Learned a bunch.”

I sent this ^ to my wing Sundance the morning before I closed Miss Soft.

I wasn’t disappointed in my trip as I sent that message. Not at all. At that point in the trip, I already had a sense of pride about what I had accomplished on my first expedition to China.

But as I get into the details of this girl… a significant side-story for me is the theme of how I “judge” myself as a man… and a Man of Game. The random lines I draw in the sand. How much I care about what other men think. How much of my life is ruled by what we in the community might call “external reference points”… and the self-induced pressure to to hit those external standards.

When I wrote that message to Sundance, my state of mind was such that the trip would be “more successful” if I could produce a new notch in Shanghai that was “farm to table” – taking a brand new girl, from the street, to the messaging, and then a date, and then… to bed. And in the end I did exactly that. And I’m glad I was able to make it happen. It’s not even the best story of my trip (even though it was some of the best sex)… but there is an element of “something to prove” in this for me. And I can see it.

I will tell the story of Miss Soft. And I’ll also try to shine a light on myself (at this stage of “the game”) as well.

My goals for my daygame trip to China were:

Get there, get set up, talk to some girls. That was maybe “Level One.” The goals at this level are activities you can control. If I could hit those goals, I would have fulfilled the promise I made myself (“go to China and to run some street game”). A man should keep the promises he makes (particularly those made to himself). And I did.

“Level Two” goals might be… take some numbers. Get some dates. I figured I’d be able to do that too. And I did (as well). Even without the blessing of the Daygame Gods… a competent daygamer ought to be able to produce this level of success… through force of will, if nothing else.

But my “Level Three” goal was… rather obviously… to get laid. And while I got laid quickly via that nightgame lay… I’m not a “generic” notch hound, I am a daygamer. And I am into proving myself via our style of hunt: approach a girl on the street, seduce her, take her to bed. Do all that in such a way that everyone has a good experience – that is my uber goal.

So while I certainly appreciate the “grotty emptiness” of my nightgame lay (it was pretty bad sex, but it was an interesting experience). And I really liked the deep, romantic, soul-fuck with Miss Bangs (she is such a great girl). I wanted a fresh daygame notch to make this trip “solid.” Even if that is a childish and consumptive standard… that’s what I wanted.

This is a story about that close.

I met her on November 2nd… a Friday. She was girl number 12 of 14 approaches that day. I took two numbers in that session… she was the second.

She was walking slowly through a mall. I liked her style… which was not particularly sexy, but had a bit of flavor that caught my eye. Mostly soft, flowing clothes. And I’m pretty sure she wore a red beret.

I have a talent for spotting artistic girls. Opening a girl with, “I like your style… are you an artist?,” is a good cold read to drop on the approach (assuming it’s congruent). Even when you’re wrong, it’s a flattering projection for the girl.

The way this girl was dressed was feminine, but not in the typical way that girls might display themselves. That is part of the psychology of “artsy” girls… they still need to stand out in the sexual marketplace… but they’re not typical “yoga pants” basic girls… nor are they “Louis Vuitton” big-money girls. They are still a type… but a type that tries to stand apart from other types.

She was that kind of girl. And she liked my read. And opened easily.

She is from Taiwan. Near 30. She teaches art… so my cold read landed perfectly. And I could transition into my own art. And I gave her some of my stickers… It was on.

And then… she touched me.

Very unusual indeed.

If a girl touches you of her own accord mid-set, does that mean you’ll fuck her? No. Definitely not. But looking back… it was a kind of “yes.” It was a strong signal… in the same way a “wall of text” response from a new lead is also an indication you are dealing with a “yes” girl.

As we ended the set that night, I took her hand… and it was soft. Really soft. And that was becoming a theme.

This girl was not super racy or sexy. And she wasn’t a hard body. But she was very feminine. And soft. And I liked it. This is how she got her name.

She didn’t accept my “friend request” via WeChat until the next day. Perhaps she was playing it cool?

Once she did, I got busy trying to move things forward:

NASH: Hello Teacher. Happy Saturday.
NASH: It was fun to talk to you yesterday.
NASH: You are a little bit charming. : ]
NASH: Do you always talk to artist boys from California?

Standard opener for me. We have “hello.” We have some context. I compliment her with “charming” (which is a “pull”), but also take it back with “a little bit” (which is a “push”). Good balance there. I typically say, “Do you always talk to COOL boys from California,” but in this case, I swapped in “artist boys” because she and I both make art.

HER: Haha, no. Not always, you probably the first.

We did some basic messaging, and the next day I started to make my move to ask her out:

NASH: Good morning, Miss Taiwan
NASH: I am at Starbucks working on some projects…

This ^ is what Krauser would call a “window to my world” ping.

NASH: I am curious to know how late you are working tonight??

I like using my “curiosity” as an excuse to probe, to ask questions (and I often use this as context as to why I approached in the first place).

HER: Until 5:30, but will go see a play at 7:00
HER: [Link to the play]
NASH: This ^ is the play?? : ]
NASH: You are a very cultured girl.
NASH: I like it.

Positive ^ feedback.

HER: I would like you to come too, but I just checked tickets today and was sold out already

Hmmm. She volunteered that idea of me joining her. Very good sign.

NASH: Tonight, maybe you should enjoy your friends
NASH: Maybe I can see you tomorrow?
NASH: Lunch. Or I can take us to dinner??
HER: Tomorrow I will be free
HER: We can meet tomorrow


And we had our date.

I had her meet me at the same spot I had six or seven other girls meet me… at the mall, in front of Prada. And as she arrived, I “checked in with her” (something I like to do to), seeing where her mood was at, was she hungry, where was her energy level at… that would help me decide where I would take her.

She wasn’t hungry, so I took her for a drink (non alcoholic) at this cafe by the park. It was the same place I took Pixie Girl the night before. And while Miss Soft is older, and not nearly as beautiful as Pixie Girl… Miss Soft was a much better date. She spoke nearly perfect English. And more than that… she was mature. And she knew where I was coming from… even as I got into topics around masculinity and femininity… she really got it. And she loved it.

“Dinner with Miss Soft, the art teacher. She is an emotional, sensitive girl. Great date. Kissed her.”

My notes ^ from after that date.

And we did go to dinner after the cafe. And I tried to take her someplace else after that, but she had to teach early the next day. So I walked her up some steps (so we’d be out of eyesight)… and I kiss that girl.

And I asked if she was nervous. And she said she was… a little. And I told her I liked that (which I do). And I kissed her again. And it was juicy. And hot. And soft.

Great date.

I had less than a week left. I was gaming a bit. Taking numbers almost every day… and dating a lot. Miss Soft here included, I was starting to date once or twice a day. But I wasn’t at all sure I’d get laid again.

“We have a right to our labor, but not to the fruits of our labor.”
— Krishna

I love this ^ quote and use it on this blog all the time. It keeps me “honest.”

“Get to work, daygamer,” I tell myself. I can’t control the results, but I can control the work rate.

I believe this. So that was where I was at… working my craft. And genuinely enjoying myself (and the girls) in Shanghai.

And I wanted to see Miss Soft again.

NASH: I want to see you again
NASH: Are you free tomorrow? Or maybe Thursday?

^ Classic “two choices” date request.

HER: I am busy tomorrow, Thursday might be fine I will let you know
NASH: Okay cool

I didn’t like that she kept the ball in her court. I want to lead. So while I waited to hear from her, I took any uncertainty I had… and poured it into more game, more girls, more numbers.

But she did follow up:

HER: I think we can have brunch or lunch Thursday

That felt a little asexual.

While I am very happy to date (and close) girls in the middle of the day, this felt like a “step down” to me. But whatever we decided, I wanted enough time to progress the seduction… and get her naked. Based on our first date, that seemed like a real possibility.

NASH: You want to see me… but you have a plan that night?

Here ^ I was kind of calling it out…

NASH: Tell me about your day
NASH: Maybe I want to keep you for a long time
NASH: I have some ideas

Intentionally being ambiguous ^.

HER: [a gif of a big cartoon smile]
HER: I have two hour class from 4-6
NASH: We could spend the whole morning/afternoon together (I have a plan)
NASH: Or… see you after you class
NASH: Which do you like better, Lovely Girl
HER: [that same smile gif]
NASH: [cocky guy smiling gif]
HER: Maybe morning and afternoon

Good… sounded to me like she was in and ready to let me lead. I love compliance.

I set up a date for her and I at an art museum I wanted to see. It was one of the only “tourist like” things I did while I was in Shanghai. I do love art. And so does she. She met me there.

I hugged her when she showed up. And as we toured the galleries, she held my hand easily… that softness of her hands, so feminine. I was into it. I wanted her.

I got her alone in the elevator… made out with her. And again. I would do it each time we rode between floors. She has a great mouth.

She was easy to kiss in general. On our first date, and also in the museum. But no big emotional reaction. She told me she was nervous the first time, and as much as I enjoyed her saying so… it didn’t really show. This girl was compliant, but hard to read. Maybe even a little guarded.

In this kind of situation… a “warm amber” light (versus an obvious “green” light)… I recommend we lead. So that is what I did.

After the museum… I took her to a simple lunch in my neighborhood. We sat close.

We had been talking about traveling… but we managed to segue into sex, and she seemed interested… in a subtle, quiet way. It was something in her eyes. And I slowed my rate of speech… kind of sucking her in with a slower, sexier vibe. And she followed my lead. I think we both got at least a little turned on.

After lunch… I told her I wanted to get tea, so we did. Walking along together, in a light rain. And I said I wanted a cookie. The cookie store was (of course)… two minutes from my house. We got the cookie and I told her I lived right around the corner. I said we could go to my place and have our tea… I’d play some music. I don’t really buy the emphasis on “plausible deniability,” but there it was.

We walked in. I put on some tunes. Maybe three minutes since we walked through the door… she was leaning back on the couch… I stood up, leaned over her, and kissed her. And made her stand up. And kissed her again. And walked her into the bedroom.


Really great sounds from her as I kissed her. Went to slip her clothes off… she helped at each step of the process. Got her naked. Licked and sucked most of the skin between her forehead and her knees. Ate her pussy (of course). And I thought she might squirt… and she might have… a tiny bit. (I’m not certain why… but the way her body reacted as I slipped a couple of fingers inside her… she seemed like the squirting type.)

I wish I had more time with her… I would have liked to have seen more of her sexuality… particularly as she got more comfortable with me.

And then… I walked to the cabinet near my bed. Pushed some odd pairs of socks aside… found the bag I keep the World’s Best Condoms in, and…

+1 daygame.

And the sex… was really good. And interestingly for me… not at all in the same way that sex with Miss Bangs was good.

Miss Bangs was better, actually, but for totally different reasons. Miss Bangs and I “connected.” The pleasure was closely related to how “intimate” and “deep” we were. With Miss Soft… the pleasure was in the skill and chemistry we shared. Very rich, but more “on the surface.”

I was out daygaming today, and I was telling YoungGuns about this girl… and I said that when I say “soft” over and over, if you’re thinking “sounds like she was chubby,” you wouldn’t be too far off. She was not at all fat… but she was no “crossfit” girl. And that… as I rolled around with her in bed that afternoon… was a very good thing.

All that softness translated into a very plush, delicious body. Not “model” hot at all (not even close), but delicious and perfect in an earthly way.

And as we fucked… the combination of my sweat and her wet box made sounds like a washing machine sloshing through a load of clothes. The hot-moisture of the sex, combined with thrusting… it was excellent. And I didn’t make her suck my cock, but the way she put her hands on me… she has a little bit of experience… and some skill.

I fucked her. And came inside her. And then checked the time. And It was late…

If she made it to her class on time… I’d be surprised.

I had a couple of other dates on the calendar… but no date for the last night of my trip (which was a few nights away). And I was spinning plates, and trying to do the calculations of risk/reward on how to maximize the remaining time.

I wanted more of this one. I wanted more of Miss Soft.

I wanted a “no pressure” night. We had already fucked. Sex would be obvious. So… nice dinner. Then… a longer, more intense, more familiar sex session. And hopefully… sleep with that soft body, naked and close to me all night.

That’s what I wanted. But it didn’t happen.

I was trying to set it up… and she said “maybe.” I waited a day, but she didn’t follow up. I was on a high from all the other girls, so I didn’t feel at all needy… so I tried one last time:

NASH: I am having dinner with a friend tomorrow night…
NASH: But if you’re free on Saturday…
NASH: I would love to spend my last night in Shanghai with you
HER: I can’t
HER: My friend came today we will meet tomorrow night
HER: And enjoy your last night in Shanghai

There you have it. As quick as it began, it was over.

Did she really have a friend in town? I don’t know. Maybe she did. Or maybe it was “pump and dump.” I have seen that before too.

The Game has no time for sentimental fools.

I would have loved to have seen her… one more time. I would have loved to have had a second crack at the lush softness of her body. Another, longer, better, “deeper” round of sweat and tongues and holes and chemistry. Even now, the idea turns me on.

But I never talked to her again.

“Fuck her as soon as possible. That is the best way to get a girlfriend.”
— RSD Julien

I have used this ^ quote on my blog before. And I have heard other men (eh hem, Sneaky Tom) say similar (ridiculous) things. And I don’t want a girlfriend. And I was a “shiny” tourist that was passing through her life…

But… it is an ever present lesson that girls are not always “romantic” about these kinds of trysts. Often… they are not romantic about it at all.

So back to my goals.

I had done it. I had hit “Level One,” the discipline of getting myself sorted, approaching, talking to girls… even in a city as foreign and intimidating as Shanghai. And then “Level Two” of getting numbers and dates. And finally, “Level Three,” as I got my proper daygame lay from a girl I approached on this trip.

Sweet victory. Sweet in terms of the taste of her mouth… but also at the level of my pride.

And I liked her. And the sex was good. I was stoked. And all of that is beyond goals… and beginning to show some value to all this beyond challenges and growth and facing your fears and “doing the work” a man must do in his life.

And while I hit my deeper goal of “proving the model” with a daygame lay… And I feel an obvious sense of accomplishment in that… I also appreciate the foolishness of all this. The insistence that I needed to get laid at all. Or (more foolishly), that the first two lays “didn’t count.” And the absurd arbitrary satisfaction of the last lay… as it “was a fresh kill.”

The juice for me as I write this post is in how we evaluate ourselves.

If I have achieved some success in game (and I have)… at what point do I stop requiring this kind of “proof” and just “enjoy the show?”

And would my game be better if I could do exactly that??

I like that we have standards. I like “YHT” (even as I have a great time with girls that are often neither very young, nor very hot). And I like that we can measure our performance in this sport via number of approaches, taking numbers, dates, makeouts, lays, and even “recurring revenue.”

You know you have “game”… you know you have “compliance”… when you go out into the street, with no advantage, chat up some girl, and she ends up splayed and gooey in your bed. That is real. And that is part of the appeal of game for men that want to properly test themselves.

It is interesting and integrous to hold yourself to a high standard… a standard where you’re not full of shit.

“What we do as daygamers, we go out and we do thousands of sets. Every set, we’ve got skin in the game, we want to get laid. The girl has skin in the game… a risk of letting herself get fucked. Both sides have skin in the game. You’re getting very valid information about the human courtship ritual.”

Excellent ^ POV from Krauser. And I believe this.

This last lay proved not only that I have “skin in the game” as a daygamer, but that I could demonstrate it in Shanghai… on command… in a city where the potential of daygame is largely unexplored and undocumented.

And yet… (and this is important)… each lay in daygame gives me some space from my own “notch count hyena.” Each time I take a girl (and myself) through the model, I relax a little bit more.

That is a different kind of success. And a different kind of progress.

This is the guts of this post for me. This story is about me… carefully watching myself sort all this out.

I want to work hard. I want to hold myself to objective standards. And also… to slowly relax about all that. To keep having adventures. To keep after the “Joy of Daygame.” And to most definitely continue to enjoying the exploration of women, their satisfying bodies, and the sticky, sweatiness of their psychologies (as well as my own).

To do all that… without endlessly calculating the results and the “proof” of it all. To not need to put myself under that kind of microscope. At least not every time.

I can relax. I can tell myself: “It’s not a dream, man. The real scoreboard is measured in adventures, experiences and memories… and you’re racking them up.”

So, “Venture forth, Daygamer.” Test yourself. Test the girls. Taste them.

But do it “with ease.” More and more that is true. I am getting there.

“You don’t really have anything to prove…” I almost believe that.


Viva daygame.