TYO: First Date with Business Girl
You know those Japanese girls, the ones that take those short, cute, choppy little steps, toes pointed in, barely mobile, in that vulnerable, classically feminine kind of way?? This was not that kind of girl.
She is the first of what I hope are many dates from this Japan daygame trip. It was an okay date. Like I pointed to in the opening line about her walk, she is not the blushing femmy type I am hoping to wrangle on this adventure.
I had a slow start on this trip, as I was super sick. I imported a cold from my city back at home, and I was barely functional for the first week. I got on the horse as soon as I could, maybe too soon, but I have high hopes for this trip… and am very happy to earn my rewards. She is the first sign we might have a tornado brewing. I certainly hope so.
I had a very good day on Friday, set a personal record for approaches, and took 4 sets of contact info. She was not my favorite of the day. That is not entirely her fault, as I had some very special moments on the sidewalk that day. But this girl wouldn’t be my favorite even back at home. That’s her problem. She reminds me too much of American girls.
She had a nice sexy walk, and great, full hips. That’s why I stopped her. She was interested enough to talk with me, started asking me questions right away — the classic signal she has hooked. She was on her way for drinks with the girls, but I took her Line contact and we were in business.
I’m following a text structure that goes like this:
— Say something, hopefully charming/cool
— If I get a response, come back with one more round of chatter for comfort
— If I get another response, close for the date
She was enthusiastic each time, lots of “!” in those messages. As I went for the date, she screened me further.
NASH: Hey, it’d be fun to see you again.
NASH: I have some time tomorrow night… and if not then, when are you free this week?
NASH: I know a very fun place for dinner in Shibuya.
HER: Do you have a Facebook?
Hmmm, she wasn’t quite ready to say yes.
I am reading a Love System product on text game on my phone when I don’t have Krauser’s book with me. They talk a lot about how you need a few messages to establish comfort before you go for a date. I used to like being super direct and asking for the date straight away… I also didn’t get that many dates back then.
This one was showing signs she wasn’t ready to say yes.
NASH: What is “Facebook??”
NASH: Nash Smith… on this Facebook thing you speak of.
I didn’t want to just logically answer her question after she slipped past my invite. “What is Facebook?” made me laugh.
She didn’t actually add me, which is interesting. I wonder why? She pressed on with screening me.
HER: You told me that you were a consultant, what kind of?
Booo. This is where you can see the part of her that wasn’t that fun tonight. I wasn’t sure if she was still screening at this point, or just trying to turn this into a business thing.
NASH: Ahh, you have a good memory!
NASH: And you want to know all about me…
NASH: I like that. : ]
I’m trying to be affirmative, even though she’s being annoying. I also don’t want to drop into her frame. So I joke here. Then I sent her the URL for my business. And told “I’m an expert.” To reference a different LoveSystems product I’ve been looking at… they talk about “attraction switches.” I think I hit a few of them as I handled her through this part of the dance.
We are always being tested.
Yohami has been trying to get me to stop the “tussle” with girls. That is good advice. That doesn’t mean give them what they ask for (which will make you look weak), but it does mean give them what they want (which will make you look attractive).
HER: Awesome! If you would like to tell me about your job, that would be so nice!
Ha. This girl is not talking about work to humor me. This is for her. Which is kind of boring. It’s really boring, actually. I am proud of my work, and I told her so, but this isn’t what I like to talk to cute little girls about… I didn’t say that last part, but I thought about it. I’ve said that to girls before.
So I tell her my work is great, and it pays well, but what I really like is the freedom it gives me. I’m trying to reframe this boredom into something we’ll both enjoy.
NASH: I am free…
NASH: And can do my job, even when I’m in your beautiful little town.
NASH: So tomorrow… 7 PM. Meet me at XYZ. I’ll take us to dinner.
HER: Okay I will see you at XYZ tomorrow.
Ahhh, nice! And I have my first date of this trip.
And she shows up, and she looks cute. I think she’s about 24-25. Plain, but nice face. Huge, kissable lips. Long dark hair. And leather boots up past her knees… which is one of the things I love most about Japan. The girls… and their thigh-high boots.
But she’s kind of bitchy and “in charge” right off the bat. She greets me with “what’s up.” Ahh, I hate that. That is my least favorite line out of a girls mouth. It’s the opposite of feminine. -1. And she asks if I’m ready, turns her back on me, and starts to walk out of the meeting spot… so I take my time and make her wait.
We walk and talk and the vibe gets a little better. I’m seeing some cute, girlishness out of her, here and there.
And I’m leading. Even though this is more her town than mine, I tested some date spots while I was sick and now I get to show confidence and mastery as a result of that work.
I take her to a really great spot. It’s perfect. She is acting all the critic… but when we walk down the stairs to this basement bistro… she loves it. I’ve done well. This isn’t about her. It’s about me, of course. And about how I’m locking down my territory for a nice run at this town in the 4.5 weeks I have left. I will be back to this spot, I’m sure. It’s awesome.
She is a little hyper, and trying to make me order, and not being too smooth about it. I tell her we’re in no hurry. Again, I’m not impressed with her. She’s like a uptight little office girl from the US, wrapped up in a very kissable Japanese girl’s body.
She jumps into business right away.
I let that go on for a bit, and then start talking about her siblings. She has an older sister, they live together about 5 minutes by train away from the station near me. Logistics are good for hooking up with this girl, if I can get the vibe right.
Her English is great, which is nice. I asked why she is so fluent, and she says her parents always had exchange students staying with them when she was a kid. She picked up English from talking with them. She has never lived in US, but she has visited several times. She likes Phoenix… which shows that she may be cute but has no taste. : ]
It is shocking that she has never lived in the US, as her “American” like behavior is very convincing. I asked her about it a few times. She goes back and forth… from dry American, feminist-like attitude, to a more charming, softer side which is the only part that holds my interest.
As she pounds on about business, I change the conversation to talking about masculine and feminine…. which is close to my favorite topic. I tell her she can be great in her career, but that to do business like a man is a mistake. That this is not about her beauty, or about sex, but about grace. About being charming. Some of this slows her down a little. It felt like a successful reframe.
I get a lot of good eye contact. We are side-by-side, which I like. I touch her a bit, here and there. But there is no vibe at all. I am more than ready for sex with someone… but face to face, there is no magic with this girl. It does not feel on.
As the meal ends, she offers to help pay, but this is my date. I pay and we leave. I ask if she’s in a hurry to get home or if she has time for a drink. She’s happy to have a drink, so I take her to yet another place I scouted.
It was fine, but we’re not side-by-side, and I hate that.
We have a nice talk, touching on how her parents were arranged, and how her mom didn’t love her dad at first, but they are a great couple now. She respects him outside the house, and is behind him (literally and psychologically) when they are outside the house, but at home, mom runs the show. I asked if they are cute together, and she said they are. Dad is much older than mom.
(As a side note, during dinner she made some comment about how her boss is married but “has his fun,” and I asked her about that. And she said that if she was married to man like that, a good business man, that she would be proud. I can’t remember the exact words, but she basically said she would be okay with him getting some on the side. She was not the slightest bit bitter about the idea.)
She went to an all girls college here in Tokyo, and said it’s where the Emperor’s wife went. That it is known as being the kind of college that produces “good wives.” All of this is odd to me, as she was a little “career girl” all night, and literally told me “I have balls” which I shrugged off. I told her that was not the part of her that interested me. She is literally half good Japanese girl, half rotten western feminist worker bee type.
She was wearing a piece of string wrapped around her neck three times and tied in a bow across her throat. I love that look, and these “choker” accessories are popular with young girls right now.
I complimented her, told her it was pretty, but also a little fetish-like. She spiked.
And that lead to an interesting conversation about 50 Shades of Grey, which she said “is like a porno.” I took over the conversation and explained that that movie is not about sex. That it is not a porno… even though I admitted I’d never seen it, nor read the book. I told her that movie is about dominance. And how that movie is a movie women love, because women love dominance in a man. And then I did a lot of comparing that basic set up to life and she and I. About how when a man is fully in charge, she can really relax. That that is the real gift of dominance, even sexualized SM/BD. That “not being in charge” is a gift a strong man can give a woman. I was putting on a pretty good performance here, and it got to her a bit. I could see it in her eyes.
But again, no real vibe. No magic. I couldn’t touch her based on the seating (I even tried to move us, but the staff denied me in classic Japanese rigidness). So I wanted to end the date first, not drag it out. So I stood up, paid for our drinks, and walked her to the train.
She asked which train I would take and I told her I live here, and she was surprised. Maybe impressed. I know I impressed her several times on this date. I should… she’s a little girl and I am a man with experience.
I said, “In America, we hug, come here.” And I got a cool little hug, with a pathetic back pat to top it off. Maybe that’s the best she can do.
I could have tried to mechanically kiss this girl, but it would have been mechanical indeed. I was not feeling it. If she was, she is amazing at hiding it. I will kiss her next time, even if it’s forced.
I don’t think she had a bad time. She didn’t have to come to the drink after dinner, but she choose to. That’s always a sign to me.
As I walked home, I told myself I would make her low priority. She might be sexable, and I want to suck those lips, but she’s not the kind of girl I came here for.
But as I got home, just a few minutes later, I had this from her:
HER: Thank you so much for diner and fun conversation! I had a great Sunday night! Hope you have a good night:)
NASH: The business girl with the bow around her neck…
NASH: : ]
And I left it at that.
In some ways she was like my “Bitchy Asian Blonde” from late in Dec. Not quite that bad, but not overly fun to be with. And I would give myself the same advice… get physical quickly and if see if her act caves, and if not, move on. Next date, that’s what we’ll do.
And in other ways, she reminds me of Miss Sendai from Jan02 of this year… boring date, but very enthusiastic follow up that makes me think I’m not reading her as clearly as I could. Or maybe both girls are just being polite, I can’t tell (although girls are not polite to guys they don’t like, we know that).
Anyway… we arrive in a strange city. We hit the sidewalk. We chat them up. We take their contact info. We do the dance on text. And we take them out. This is the first and middle section of the funnel toward intimacy with a woman.
I need to get this going with more girls, but this is a start. If I do this consistently, I will taste a girl soon enough.
And I can’t always control what happens. And there are limits to my skill at this point in the game. But I can approach. I can maximize my odds. I can fight chaos with sheer volume of opportunities. So I will. And I have been.
I do this for me. I am proud of myself for going after what I want.
Were there any options for a second bounce and escalation, even if it’s a makeout in an alley?
Yeah, there probably was. Someone could have done it. Someone could have done a lot of things that might have made her act cooler, and then that guy would have had more reason to want her. She is not particularly charming, but I could have done more.
For me… as I said, it would have been strictly to stay on script to make a move on her. It was not a hot date. It would have been as the hippies say, “inorganic.”
But I think this kind of girl requires you cross the threshold and see if she melts. And then… I’ll get turned on. Her cold surface is really not hot at all for me. She is surface attractive, but no warmth.
Maybe she’ll be softer on the next date? Maybe I will have passed enough tests that she can de-ice a little and come inside the castle where it’s warm?
I will make a move on the next date… which is tomorrow, she confirmed this morning. I have a reservation for us, and made sure they will sit us side/side. The spot is cool, but more “hip” than fancy. Hip is my territory. I want this girl in my territory, not hers.
But meanwhile… I have a second date with The Nurse tonight (I have already written my post about her, I just have to get it online). She is night and day different from Business Girl. And she totally turns me on. She was very easy to kiss. I wanted her. She’s probably less beautiful than Business girl, but has that “something” that gets me to move.
This is one of my favorite parts of this journey… trying to figure out who really turns you on, and why. What that “something” is, and to know if I have any control over it. And it’s not the surface, not just the surface.