It was my third and likely my last date with Business Girl. I did rack up a bunch of new reference experiences, even if I was self-defeating and less than slick in the process.
She has a puzzle, as Yohami would say, but I could not figure out how to unlock it. In retrospect… Maybe I should have talked about business the whole time? That’s not what I did.
The first date with Business Girl was a rather stiff date. She is a very cute girl, but fast and choppy and harsh. Uptight. Bossy. She moves too fast. There was no vibe, no sexuality. She is a fine woman, well-raised and high-quality, but is missing that element of grace that the most delicious women possess. She has never lived in America, but seems remarkably Western, which is not a compliment.
She is feminine on the outside, but rarely in how she acts, which is where it counts. I saw it, several times, but only when she would talk about her bosses (whom she clearly admires), or when I would bust her for something, blow away one of her frames, or surprise her… Which I did often enough.
I did see the cute side of her.
Leading up to the second date we had this exchange which shows a lot of her character.
HER: Okay what is the name of restaurant?
NASH: You don’t like surprises??? : ]
NASH: I am not going to tell you.
NASH: I will say it is cool… Not really Japanese style.
HER: I’m not big fan of surprise but okay
HER: I will wait
If you are into feminine women, and I am, that kind of showing from a girl is probably a red flag.
Second date was better. I talked about sex, and she would say she doesn’t talk like that, and I would laugh at her, tell her we were both grownups and I’d carry on… And she’d cave. She would smile and laugh and be soft… For like 30 seconds. She flipped through the menu endlessly as she tried to process her sexual energy when I told this one mild sex story about me and an ex girlfriend.
At one point she went on and on about how she doesn’t hook up (my words, not hers), and I used that to talk about how there is no such thing as a “nice” girl. And how sex is natural and good, and only bad when it’s used as currency. “I don’t judge.” Etc. And eventually she caved again. Came alive briefly, told me, “of course, I love sex” with real enthusiasm. She said something like that to me at least twice.
But she would insist that sex is only “with a boyfriend.” If that was what I was looking for I would have to try someplace else. She is a traditional Japanese girl. Blah blah. I told her I knew that was bullshit. That sex is not the “end” of getting to know someone, it was part of getting to know someone. And that I never wait long. She took most of that pretty well.
On the way downstairs to my beer bar, I tried to kiss her for the first time, and she never even let it get started. Totally defensive about the whole thing. Pulling away dramatically, telling me no. Smiling, but good defense on her part. I laughed and pushed her into the bar.
Another thing to mention is that she gets picked up during the day often enough. She had a card in her hand as she met me for this second date, some guy had just stopped her. I assume it wasn’t direct, as she didn’t seem clear what it was about.
She has another story about being stopped by another white guy, three dates with him. It’s a strange story, but he never tried to kiss her or make a move. I asked.
And she has yet another story about what sounds like a solid pickup from another white guy. A few dates. On his last night she spent the night in his hotel, but she said she never took off her bra, shirt or panties. Cuddled, she said. Decide for yourself if you believe her.
After drinks, as we walked back up the stairs, I tried again to kiss her. Same defense, but she was laughing more this time. And said, “easy tiger.”
I liked all this. I thought I was making progress. I assumed the no sex thing was front, like most girls. And that she would drop it eventually. I still assume that is true.
I had her book us a reservation at this well known seafood place that she had recommended. That was to be the the third date. A Saturday, sleep over potential.
As we meet up, she looks pretty hot, like always. Dressed sexy, long silky dress, bare shoulders, with some kind of thing tied around her neck, which she knows I like.
But as she arrived she was all business, barely glanced at me, turned on her heels and marched off to the restaurant. No grace from this one. I really don’t understand why she shows up at all, if that is her attitude?? I think this mostly has nothing to do with me… this is just who she is.
I grabbed her arm and stopped her in the street as the crowd passed us by, “Hey, slow down, this is Saturday night, let’s relax and have a good time.” She was the tinest bit harsh for one second, and then looked like a challenging little girl with her dad… Amused, but in her place.
At dinner I talked about how she is “all shell,” this hard, unattractive exterior. But that from time to time I could see her soft side. I said I respect her smart serious side, her interest in her career, but that I thought her shell was boring. She blinked when I said that.
I want to try a new place she knows of for a drink, and she was walking up the stairs to that bar when I slapped her ass. She spun around, did a perfect impression of an angry woman, and marched into the bar.
I will say here I was completely uncalibrated. That ass slap was some kind of Hail Mary (football reference) on a rocky date that was all struggle. If it was supposed to be some kind of punishment, it has no context. It was certainly not sexual. It was lame on my part, and I get it. I barely know why I did it, just that her ass was wiggling in front of me and we were all struggle so I gave her proper swat.
It wasn’t cool. And it won’t honorable. And it wasn’t game.
This might be what Krauser calls “redlining the car,” but in this case I pointlessly over-revved the engine. Flipping the car for no good reason other than to see it roll over.
That should have been it. I was blown out and I was surprised she stayed. And while she did stay, she did not talk. I earned myself a brutal session were I had to plow endlessly and she gave me barely polite one word answers. It sucked.
I thought about walking out (which I’ve never done in my life), but part of me wanted to test my discipline and see if I could hang in there. I’d put myself in a weird position. Maybe I could learn something if I stuck around. It couldn’t get worse. I was hunting for reference experiences at that point.
I didn’t apologize. I didn’t bring it up. I wanted to ride it out, just as it was, even if I wasn’t proud of myself. I knew backpedalling wouldn’t help anything, so I played through.
The scene was tense, and I didn’t want the beer in front of me. With this night a bust, I thought I might go out after she and I went our separate ways — which I assumed was already overdue — and I wanted to pace my alcohol if I would be at a club later.
We weren’t even half done with our drinks and I decide to put a bullet in this limping horse of a date. I told her she looked bored and that we should go, and she agreed. It was her turn, so she paid for the beers we didn’t drink.
I was over it. That ass slap was a bad, meaningless move on my part, but regardless of who’s fault it was I was ready to get away from this date.
We are walking along and I was not bothering to hold up conversation anymore, just leading us back to the station in silence. And then she says:
HER: So, where are we going?
See that? This is why I stayed with her back at the beer bar. I had a feeling something like this might happen, and I wanted to see what it was like. She still wanted to be on this date. Fucking amazing. I think I knew this might happen, but only from reading other stories like this one.
Despite her interest, I tell her I am happy to walk her back to the train. I got what I was looking for by staying, seeing that sometimes girls want to stay even when you’ve pissed them off. That is a valuable lesson. But that didn’t mean I actually wanted any more of this girl and her cold shell.
So then she mentions this bar I know she will hate, but she says she wants to try it. It’s on the way home so I take her on a quick tour, have to pry a couple of drunk Japanese guys off her as we push thru the shoulder to shoulder crowd. She doesn’t even notice me do that, as she never looks back at me, just goes where I tell her to go with an irritated little stomp. We get out of there as fast as possible.
Outside I keep going toward the station, and she mentions yet another bar I know she’ll hate, so I tell her I’m not taking her there. Then she brings up this nice bar she had recommended to me a week ago… she really wanted to stay on this date… that’s a lot of ideas…
I actually want to try that place. I want to scout it for other dates, so I agree. I’m back into the date, blowing off the idea of going to a club.
On the elevator up to this last bar, we are alone, and I lean back against the wall and tell her, it’s cool, she can kiss me now, no one is looking. And she goes back to defense, and I tell her I know she wants to, she should quit pretending she doesn’t. Cocky grin from me. She is half bitch, half amused.
The bar is a special place, in a special city. Nice, fancy drinks, and an incredible view. High class, and almost comfortable. Not a good makeout bar, but I could add this to my list of places I know. Mission accomplished. I now have a new restaurant and two new bars to add to “my territory,” so at least I got something out of this shitty date.
Mid-drink, she brings up the ass slap, saying I crossed the line. She is not mad at this point, just talking about it. I look her in the eyes, and say, “I want to take this opportunity to say I apologize.” She is flat and even, tells me no one has ever done that to her before, but it’s obvious she is over it. So am I.
I asked what she likes about me and all she said was that I am good with conversation. I’m not saying this girl likes me much, but I don’t believe that answer entirely. Not after I tried to kiss her so many times on the second date. She knows what’s up, I just failed to unlock her, so nothing went down on this date. Hmmm.
My voice hurts as I’m still recovering from my cold, so I say I want to leave. In the elevator, I try to kiss her again, and she is a mix of laughing and defense… We are not even close to being in that space, but I tried.
I make her share a cab with me, and my place is first, so I tell her to come have desert with me, to which she says no. I try to kiss her once more. She is smiling and enjoying the date, but still won’t kiss me.
I get out… And walk home.
I think I learned from these dates, got more experience. But she sucks. After the second date I thought she might loosen up, but it never happened. Why she kept coming out with me, I have no fucking idea.
I won’t contact her again. Game over.
And I am glad I slapped that ass… Just for the story. Although next time I do that, I am going to have a good reason.