Are You Alright? || Elephant in the Room

I like the “in the moment” opportunities to react to a girl on an approach (and on dates, for that matter). Specifically, I like to read her face, checking out what emotions are going on for her, commenting that back to her, and using that as what to talk about.

Let’s say you approach, and she’s making a face of some kind. Sometimes, I just move fwd with the structure of the approach, waiting for her to hook and for things to seem more “normal” to her. I don’t expect a girl to be 100% into it immediately. Other times… I like to stop my rap pretty early on, and ask her how she’s doing, or point out what I see. Just drop the structure, and go “real-time” with what is going on between she and I.

I approach, tell her I think she’s interesting, or whatever, as my opener, and then point out the look on her face. Maybe she’s a shy Chinese language student, and I’ll say, “You’re making a serious face, are you alright?” Her response could lead to instant rapport, I’m showing sensitivity in those moments. I remember a girl downtown about 2 months ago, where I got the line out, could see a funny look on her face, and asked, “Are you nervous?” I particularly like that one, in terms of the power dynamic. Or the girl two weeks ago that deflated when I was expecting an IOI, I was quick to point out the look on her face, and while that was a failed seduction, the set “made sense” once I read her and we got on the same page. Another time, in a bar, I could see she was into me, and I was like “you like me, I can see it on your face.” And she loved it.

These are the moments I’m talking about. When you can see real-time, what is going on for her, and you feed it back to her.

I don’t think the point is follow her mood. I want to lead here, as elsewhere in the process. But there is some social mastery in reading folks, and being able to talk about it, it’s congruent with the situation.

This is also a good example of “pacing” — “pacing and leading” which was an interesting part of “2005” pickup. I’m pacing her, by accurately pointing out where she’s at, or at least trying to find common ground around the expression on her face. I know I feel comfortable when folks can tell where I’m at, when they “pace” me. Hippies call this “feeling seen.”

In #4 below… she was definitely standing there, not drifting, but she was making a “screwed up” face, she wasn’t that comfortable. I wish I had pointed it out, calling out the elephant in the room, and seeing if that was healthy for the set or connection. “Are you comfortable, you’re making a funny face.” Something like that.

I have a lot of things to work on, but I’d like to keep this in mind, and play with talking about her emotions in real-time.

The notes from the rest of the sets are below.

May 20: 6 Girls.

1. Chinese girl, bad skin and a cold sore. Hard to be into a girl when you’re staring at that. Awkward set.

2. White girl, pulling a suitcase, nice legs. Not my usual type, but sexy. I opened, it was very awkward. I think I may have been over caffeinated, and she was also talking very fast, and all business. Leaving for NY for a new job in two weeks… I didn’t push it, wasn’t a fun set.

3. Really good looking white girl, walking slow down the sidewalk. Great ass. I got full in front of her. She gave me a partially interested, but very serious look from head to toe — like she was inspected a camel — and almost walked right over me as she continued down the street. Proper blowout. Not a word.

4. 10 seconds after the camel buyer (see #3), this tiny Asian girl walked by… she had to be 4’10”. I love tiny. She didn’t love me, ha! She leaned back away from me the whole time, but stood there, answering my questions and talking a bit. She looked mostly uncomfortable, it wasn’t fun. I think if I had to do that one over, I’d ask her how she felt talking to me. I think I’m going to do more of that in set… it’s kinda like calling out the elephant in the room, mixed with social savvy and genuine interest in women and their minds. I think moments can be created that way. And I think the average guy can’t/won’t do that, and I can. Hmmm, I’m going to try to work that into my sets.

5. Very good looking Asian girl, great body, yoga pants. I opened, she drifted, but smiled and liked it. At some point she said, “Thank you, but I’m engaged.” Showed me the ring (which I think I might have noticed as I moved into open, but I was committed to the set either way). She was gorgeous.

6. Walking with my wing, she walked by… brown hair, nice energy. I gave my wing 1 second to decide if he wanted her, he hesitated so I went in. Opened her right at the intersection, but she opened well and easily. Did the crossed legs thing. She loved it. She’s here from Mexico City, lives here, has been here 6 months. Set was very quick, but pretty good. I asked about her weekend plans and she said she didn’t have any and gave me a big smile. I took her number and she looked excited. Felt a little quick, but solid. Best set of the day.