Hard is Good | How to Find Girls in the Suburbs
From an email:
“Nash, I think you and I are similar in a lot of ways, though you have a lot more experience. I see you live in SF and was wondering if you’ve ever tried to game in Orange County (where I live). Could use some advice. I’m in a bit of a daygame rut. It is tougher to find target rich environments here (college campuses, large shopping malls and beaches) though I think there’s a lot of girls that match your taste here.”
I am going to make a very general statement: If it’s “hard” (EX: cold approach) it pays well. If it’s “easy” (EX: online dating) it doesn’t. So, if there are hot girls in OC, and they’re hard to find… finding them likely “pays more” than places where the girls “get found” more often… those girls are dying to be “found” by a cool guy (all girls are, actually).
This is related to the idea of a “barriers to entry.” I LIKE barriers to entry… that keeps other guys out and makes my “pay go up” when I can overcome the barrier. If you can figure it out, you could clean up… while other guys still think “it’s hard.”
Hard is “good.”
For you: Imagine if some rich guy was paying you $10k a month to find the best daygame spots in OC. “But it’s hard.” Yeah, I know… but what if someone was paying you $10k to find the best spots? Month after month. Let’s say you really wanted that $10k. You could figure it out. You’d find him a series of places to approach girls. Right?
When I read Sinn, he was in Dallas (suburbs), but originally from the San Fernando Valley (suburbs), and did a bunch of Game at the Northridge Mall (a less-than-super-cool mall). The San Fernando Valley is not walkable, and isn’t densely populated (not “target rich” like NYC). But Sinn… he figured it out. He has stories of picking up girls at Baja Fresh, or whatever. Sinn is awesome – one of my top 10 influences of all time.
So, that is the answer.
For the suburbs: Do 3 sets at the mall (40 min). Then go to some “strip mall” and do 2 more sets there in “Whole Foods” or “Trader Joes” or “Target” or whatever (30 min). And then do 2 more sets at the new “outdoor cluster of small pop-up restaurants” (I know this is a thing in California). You’d eat dinner somewhere in that mix. So it might take 3-4 hours (including dinner), but you’d have 6-8 sets. If you do that 3X a week, with real discipline… you can make something work out (that is about 100 sets a month, min to get good).
And then, on Saturday… do Newport Beach, 5 sets. Or a “farmers market” (3 sets), take a break, have a cup of coffee, then back to the same farmers market, 3 more sets. At that to your 20 sets from the week, and BOOM… you have real volume.
Every time you’re thinking about jerking off or playing video games (because you don’t have a date)… don’t do that shit. Do your list of spots instead. Just doing your list of spots 3X week is developing discipline… disciplined men are good men, and successful men. If you can’t be disciplined, you won’t earn your place in the list of guys that fuck (at all, or potentially often). This is how it’s done.
All of this is infinitely cooler than “swiping and praying.” You are in the real world (increasingly rare). You are dominating your environment. Masculine. These kinds of men are more likely to EARN the “right” to fuck.
Do you see what I’m doing here?
Or the mall: 3 sets. Then sit down, have some Chipotle (whatever) for dinner. This is your “reason” to be in the mall so often (“I come here for lunch/dinner” – because you really do, never lie/fake anything as a man, never). As you eat, read 10 pages of some book… take your time. When you see a girl walk by that you like, approach her (“Here I was, enjoying a hamburger, you walked by… I want to meet this girl. I’m Max. What’s your name?”). That “sniper Game” while you sit, is fun. I like it. All my Game “in the Fish Bowl” (here in Japan) was “sniper Game.” Then, after dinner, back on your feet, 3 more sets, and go home. That’s 6+ sets. You can do that every time you want a quick dinner. 3X per week would be 18 +sets a week… not great, but 100X better than 99% of all men that ever walked the earth.
This is a lot of work. Especially for a beginner (because results are low), but it’s not about “approaches per girl.” In the beginning it really is about turning yourself into a “man of discipline” (and worker harder). It’s really that. And later, it becomes about about “recurring revenue,” when you hook a girl, and she fucks you (because you’re a sold, disciplined man, that works hard = attractive) for 2+ years, every week, over and over (and it’s fabulous, every time). Then the “girls approached to total times in bed” starts to make more sense.
And some dumbass is: “Hahahah, what a loser, you drive all over the city trying to find girls, I am so much cooler than that, IDGAF, blah blah…” But over time, you fuck and he doesn’t. Who is laughing now? This is really how it works.
Last year, I had 3-5 “GFs” all year. 3 of them I had picked up in previous years. So the ones from previous years, I would fuck again and again (my sex Game is on point now). And then, I didn’t need “200 sets a month,” I could do a few here/there, pick up a new girl, add her to the rotation… and the “work to total sex and/or relationship opportunities” started to be really nice.
Everything in life is hard. Everything. Embrace it. Don’t wish it was easier, just get better.
I’m recently really into Grant Cardone as a “work hard” role model (I don’t care what anyone says, I read his book “10X,” his ideas about working hard and “overcoming obscurity” are golden. And I think he influenced RSD with their “massive action” line – which they say all the fucking time.).
He says: We all do some work, but not enough to get results, so it never feels worth it. He says we need to work hard enough to produce results, THEN we think the work was worth it. He is right. That is almost everybody. I got my ass kicked in daygame, for a yr (1000 approaches) before I got laid. But then… I killed it. I did the work… it was “hard.” But I got better. I had a ton of success, year after year (in every city I tried to Game). And eventually, I blew up; I had the best year of my life for girls last year.
Everything is hard. What are YOU going to do to make yourself proud of your efforts? What are YOU doing to go beyond “some average guy that is intimidated by hard things?” How are YOU going to force life to “pay you?” It can be done. Be the kind of guy that does it.
‘ Not his real name.
Malls are soul sucking places but they generally have good volume. I’ve done my time there
Agree. Plastic, consumer hell… but have felt like “home” to me, many times. I have Gamed my ass off in Malls. The Westfield in SF, and lots of time in malls here in Japan.
“Max” here. You’re awesome for writing this for me basically instantly after I emailed you.
This is great advice and inspiration to continue on the journey. I have found a couple target rich environments – beaches, shopping malls and college campuses. They have their unique challenges and pros / cons. I can echo what you said that I get decent results already even as a newbie with lots of weaknesses in my game (but who is otherwise good looking and have my shit together). Your other ideas are great as well. I will definitely give them a try.
Hey “Max.” Glad you saw this.
This kind of “go figure it out, do what the others won’t do” is a mega theme across men’s culture since time began.
If you believe that “only 20% of men are supposed to breed” (and I do believe that), how do the women decide which 20% to fuck? Is it just looks? Is it just “Chad?”
The truth is, the women DON’T decide. The men do, by taking the steps to separate themselves from the “BOTTOM GUYS,” and do extraordinary things, so they TRUST THEMSELVES.
That – the feeling that your TRUST YOURSELF – is the #1 thing that makes a woman want to fuck you. You feel it first, and she sees it in your eyes, and that is how she knows you’re sexworthy (and worthy of being in a relationship with, worthy of her “surrender,” worthy of joining you in life).
HER: How do I know you’ll do what you need to in life?
YOU: I found you, didn’t I?
HER: hee hee hee
HER: Yeah… you did.
And you TRUST YOURSELF because you know that “even if it’s hard” you will punch thru. And it’s NOT a “mindset,” it’s a work rate. And you keep asking questions and putting in the effort until you produce results. The results (beginning with leaving the house, then just approaching, then numbers, then msg, then dates, then…) is how you begin to TRUST YOURSELF.
You trust your results (because they are real). You produce results through your work. The work is under your control. This is a choice.
“That is your mission… if you CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT.”
I live in Canada and it was -40 degrees Celcius last week. This is inspiring