Here’s where I am today… via One Million Metaphors and Analogies.
I was trying to set up a 2nd date w/ the Bouncy White Girl I dated earlier this month. It wasn’t going well. That initial investment from her first texts was done. Short answers now from her, and some dead threads.
We had a date set up for Tuesday night. The last dead-text thread was the night before. I messaged her Tuesday around lunch. Chatting online, I told a buddy I was betting she’d cancel. She cancelled… saying she needed to work late.
I was disappointed. This whole season has been mostly disappointment. I’m not that horny. I’m not that lonely. It’s all disappointment. I think
something should be happening I should be making something happen, and it’s not I’m not.
I responded to her text by saying she had to give me her CEO’s number, I was going to call him, get this all straightened out. I said I’d probably be able to get her a raise as well. I had already processed a lot of the disappointment, so I was genuinely light in those messages. She said she was sorry, and wished me a good night.
That night I drank beer, smoked some grass, listened to some heavy bass and worked on my painting. I felt better, and I texted her around 11, saying she owes me a drink next week, and that we’re going to be drinking “Grandma’s whiskey” (callback humor from our date). I was fucking around. It was light and assumed friendliness between us. I was trying to be causal, and with the beers in me, I was. No response from her. That’s telling.
Should I follow up w/ her? Maybe the timing was just off this week? I don’t think so. I think this one’s done. I will follow up. Some time in the next few days, when I’m feeling cocky, I’ll ping her once more. That’ll be for fun. That’ll be for thoroughness. But that lead is stale. It’s so stale it’s decomposing. She was mine to lose, and I lost her. Oh well. I think part of this was the over-gaming.
And I think part of this is that I’m a frustrated man, and it’s coming across in so much of what I do. Even outside of game… I’m sure my lack of sex/intimacy is showing. “That guy needs to get laid.” They’re talking about me.
I will bet 1$, that as soon as I can get across the threshold with a girl, in a situation that is good/fun for me, everything will open up. I think girls won’t “loan me any money” because they know I can’t pay it back right now. They’ll “lend me money” when they can smell other money on me… that’s when they’ll know I’m a man of money. I’ve been that man before. But this can’t be faked. I have all kinds of potential, a nice resume, but my bank account is empty… no one wants to be the first one to test if I’m ready. I get it. They get it. Next steps are clearly mine… and I think I’m on the path.
I think the best thing I can do in this miserable purgatory of gaming with no results… is to be calm and have as much fun as I can, but keep the-fuck going. I’m mid-stream, I’m not turning back, drowning isn’t an option, so I’ll keep going until I hit the other side. Bearing down will just make me look even thirstier. Doing nothing won’t help me broker my way back into “the club.” Keep going, brave daygamer. Game on.
I’m also fucking around trying to
online app date… trying whatever I can to catch a break, get some gas in the truck (even if I have to steal it) and get this beast back on the road. As someone in his early 40s, trying to date 15-10 years younger, online isn’t ideal as age is the only thing she can see besides my pictures (which aren’t bad, thanks to some artsy friends). A woman guessed my age just yesterday as 29… but I won’t lie on my profile, so that’s a little bit of friction there there that I don’t have “IRL,” as my baby face makes my age less of an issue.
So… with my date cancelled, feeling disappointed, I didn’t run much daygame last week. Was planning on taking the whole week off, which wasn’t a proud feeling. As Friday came around, I was in a bad mood, and didn’t think I’d be interested in game.
I wrapped up a call with a client, and I told myself, “just go for a walk, Nash.” Just get out there, have a cup of tea and walk around. If you see a girl you want to talk to, great.
And I did. I spent a lot of time trying to get my grumpy, disappointed self out of my head. I walked slowly. I focused on “noticing” everything around me. The green of the sycamores against the blue sky. The clip-clop of some worker bee’s heels as she goes down the sidewalk. The feel my new Van’s on my feet. The damp smell of the fog as it pushed in thru the skyscrapers from the sea. The warm, bitter taste of green tea in my mouth. Maybe 30 minutes of this?
And then… then I was ready to hit on girls again.
1. Chinese girl, great style… I opened her in broad sunlight (I rarely do that), and I don’t think I ever took my sunglasses off. She wasn’t alarmed at all, and stood so close to me, but couldn’t understand what I was saying. I tried several times, she couldn’t get it… no English. Okay.
2. She was “okay” looking, tallish white girl. “Bookish” popped into my mind for the story, so I went in. She openned nicely, as I spun my story a bit. She was French, and I resisted the urge to tell her that that was funny for me, as I’m supposed to accuse every girl of being French if I want to keep my Daygame Zombie status. The set went on, as I explained that “bookish” means she looks like she reads a lot. She smiled and chatted suspiciously, but with some interest. She said she had to go, but was very enthusiastic about the stop, looking back at me as I walked off. Coincidentally, I saw this same girl’s profile on Tinder this morning… I swiped right.
3. Ou, she was lovely. Maybe 5’6,” shoulder length curly hair, beautiful yellow eyes. She was twisting one of her locks as she came across the intersection, and I turned and followed her. I opened with a comment about that twisting of her hair, saying there was something shy and thoughtful about it that I liked. She stopped, sliding past me, but she stopped. Her body wasn’t turned toward me, just her head. I mirrored her a bit, clowning her, asked if she was okay, and she relaxed some. I want to use Tyler’s “just be normal” statement in situations like this, but I haven’t tried that yet. She is Tahitian/French/Chinese. Super beautiful. I noticed the distance between us and tried to close it, and felt her pull back a little. She said she was off to meet her BF… hmmm, I don’t totally believe that, but maybe. I said “okay.” She relaxed some more and also went out of her way to thank me for stopping her. This happens to me a lot, where the girl lights up as I’m walking away… there is something to notice here, but I’m not sure what it is. I have a lot to learn.
4. Chinese girl, blew me out.
*. I was buying some gum at Walgreens, and the woman behind the counter looked generically-familiar, as she rang me up I guessed that she might be Eritrean. Her eyes popped open, she loved it. Couldn’t believe I could guess that. I told her there are a lot of Eritreans here in the City. Nice little cold read and state booster.
*. I finally met the rollerskater lady… one of many familiar characters in my hunting ground. She’s 40+, skates downtown all the time, she’s good at it, she’s been there since I started daygame. I had seen her 30 minutes earlier, and had some question I wanted to ask. When I saw her again, I approached her and she loved it. She talked-talked to me forever. I was not picking her up, but this also pumped my state some. I couldn’t get away from her, actually. She guessed my age to be 27-29… even with all this grey hair, that’s a pretty typical guess. She asked what I was doing downtown, and I told her I was hitting on girls. I was trying to figure out how to bring the chat-chat to a close, when #5 below walked by. I told the Roller Queen that I needed to go hit on that girl and she wished me luck.
5. As I was chatting with Roller Queen, this young, pretty girl and I made eye contact. She looked away, and then snapped back to me for round 2. I tell the Roller Lady I’m going after her, and chase her down. She opens easy, charming, feminine girl. She’s visiting from Colombia. I mention the eye contact that inspired me to come after her, and she apologizes, saying she didn’t notice. Hmmm. Fucking faux-IOIs. I think girls do notice, but don’t notice they notice. That girl specifically double-taked on me, but then denied it. She’s either lying or doesn’t know she’s making eye contact. Anyway… great girl, nice talk. I tried to get her on a insta-date — not a 100% effort on my part, but about as close as I’ve been to an idate (haven’t done one in daygame yet) — she was in a rush to get back to where she’s staying. She’s only here for another day or so, and very busy. I took her name for FB. We talked about some times she might be free before she leaves. I couldn’t find her on FB when I got home. Oh well. My goal of 3 tourists before Fall seems less/less likely, but… tomorrow is always a surprise, una sorpresa.
A current sticky spot for me is that I feel like I can’t approach unless I have a unique opener, some good “story” that gives me something to say as I approach. Part of me thinks that’s actually a good filter — do I genuinely like her, or am I just opening and flipping stones? Part of me knows that’s just another way to weasel — I hide behind my lack of stories so I don’t have to face the unknown. I know that if I just open, and play with the girl that is there, in that moment, in front of me, magic can happen.
And today… I feel good again. I watch my moods change — from day to day, and within the day — like a grandmother watches the children.
I’m looking fwd to getting back on the street again next week. I feel renewed. I’m going to some hippie festival on Friday, and will likely party it up, and blow some rust out of my exhaust. A very attractive, but older Japanese girl I know will be there — she messaged me out of the blue this week, telling me she might see me on the dancefloor. On Saturday, if all goes well, I will have a painting in a group show at a fun party here in the City… that, is in part to angle toward Yohami’s alpha/niche game. I bet one of these online girls will materialize… I have several in conversation. And I will run more street game next week.
I will broker my way out of this hole. It will happen. Through my effort… and eventually, through my ease.
I’m still going. Yesterday was fun. Another beautiful night on the streets.