I kissed six girls on my trip to Shanghai. And fucked three of them. And this girl… I never got to taste. Not her mouth. Not her body. But she and I had such an unusual time together. She has a high score for me in my “Book of Girls” and my experiences in Game. This story is about her.
It is a messy story. And it’s complicated. And it surprised me… several times. I am going to show a lot of the dialog between she and I. And you’ll see me say some cheesy stuff. And some of it is lame. But much of it was not. And in many ways it was a real pleasure for me to review the WeChat transcript between she and I.
It’s been a week since I’ve been home… but looking at the thread between us, I can feel the sharpness of her mind, even here in California… so many hundreds of miles across the sea.
I know I taught her some things. But this story is also about my education. About what I learned from this girl… as she and I met and “battled” deep in the heart of the sexual marketplace.
We met on October 29th. That is when the WeChat record between she and I began.
I had finished a daygame session. She was girl number 13 (of 15) for the day. Here are the notes I wrote about her after I picked her up:
#13. Pixie. Heavy IOI. I tried to talk to her, poor English. She came back to find me. Super on.
That is about right.
I thought I was done for the night. I was in a bakery, and she was on the other side of the window. We seemed to spot each other at the same moment. There was an intense gravity between us.
I ran around the side of the building and there she was. And she exhibited a strange, alien calm as I approached. She stood her ground. And stared at me. We stared at each other.
And the eyes on this girl… she looks at you with the weight of the ocean.
As I said above, I tried to chat her up. But her English was especially bad. So I started just talking to her in English, at a normal speed for me, knowing she had no idea what I was saying. And I told her she was beautiful… because she really is… and we stared some more… and I left.
It was the kind of set where you say, “Goddamn, wow!,” as you walk away. I was floored. And I stood on the sidewalk breathing in the warm, polluted air of the Shanghai night… smiling like a retard. Even though I knew it hadn’t gone anywhere… It was a great set for me.
But then, there she was. Right in front of me. She chased me down – which was the first time (in about 6,000 approaches) a girl has ever “reopened” me. That has never happened before.
(Could that be a red flag? The thought did occur to me at the time.)
And she stood there. And I got a little closer. And I pushed the force of my gaze deep into the sockets of her eyes… and she didn’t blink. She didn’t blush. She didn’t giggle or step back. She just took it all… and without smiling. A very lovely, but hardcore little girl.
It was heavy. And it was hot. And I wanted to kiss her.
We limped through the next couple of minutes. I talked a bit. We used the translator on my phone.
See is 19. She is a student of business. And she was so beautiful. I like some weird looking girls sometimes (and I’ll own that), but this one was amazing to look at. A high seven. I would call her “the girl next store,” but she is more than that. She is too calm in the face of such a sexual moment. And her eye contact was too bold, too “clean,” too unwavering to be compared to other girls her age.
She is plain, maybe. But very fine. And not at all simple.
I took her number. She messaged first:
HER: I want to practice my spoken English.
HER: by speaking English with you.
HER: Thanks a lot
HER: How old are you?
HER: I am nineteen years old.
That’s how it started. She was bold here too.
After a couple of rounds of back and forth, I started after a date:
NASH: Is your school near where we met?
NASH: I don’t want to be your English teacher.
NASH: : ]
NASH: But I would like to see you again
NASH: Maybe later this week.
HER: No problem,
HER: Maybe we will meet tomorrow
Hmmm. So… this was a little fast for such a young thing. And combined with her chasing me down… I wasn’t sure how to read her here? This could be a “yes girl”… or???
I wasn’t sure. She was unusual.
I didn’t respond to her comment. And based on that “vacuum“… she sent me this:
HER: Good night.
HER: May you have a sweet dream
Very cute. But it was a lot for one day. Unusual bold for any girl. And very unusual given the age gap between she and I… and the circumstances by which we met.
I got back after her the next day… and she immediately threw me for a loop.
NASH: Good morning, Pretty Girl
NASH: Did you dream of a strong man from California? : ]
I played with this “Strong Man” theme all through the trip. But she wasn’t in the mood for games or romance on this particular morning:
HER: no, I just want to find a part-time job now.
HER: To be honest, I am very hard up
Uhh. Not good. “Hard up” is a weird translation, but it was the underlying direction of her comment that had me feeling guarded immediately.
NASH: Student life is not easy. Although maybe more fun than a job.
NASH: Do you have school today?
I tried to deflect off the theme of “money,” and steer it into safer waters. Getting away from her wallet… and herding her towards her lifestyle.
NASH: I am busy for a few days…
NASH: Maybe you will join me for something to drink later this week.
HER: A bunch of people?
NASH: : ] No. Me and you.
NASH: Do you have school on Thursday?
NASH: How about after school on Thursday?
NASH: What time are you finished with lessons?
There it was… the date invite. I was curious to see if she’d come out. And if we could make something happen if she did.
But here she comes again… no indirectness this time:
HER: can lend me 200 yuan?
NASH: Do you think cool boys give money to girls they just met?
I was quick and cocky with my response, but I didn’t like this from her at all. It was gross… which sucked for me, because I was interested in her.
200 yuan is only about $30 US, but that’s not the point. I’m not mad that girls do this, but it’s boring and “low.” And if they have to make a run at Sugar Baby Game… I don’t want them doing it with me. I am sometimes “Daddy”… but never Sugar Daddy.
So I hit her with that line — “Do you think cool boys give money to girls they just met?” And I really like that as a response. It’s not mad. But it’s not nervous either. And the phrasing reminds me of what I was pointing at in one of the examples in my “Win Some, Lose Some” post.
Not bad. This girl was already starting to teach me… and we had just begun.
NASH: If that is all you want… You should find a boring man that wants to pay you
I loved this line, as I said it. I’m kind of trapping her and I both here… where I cannot give her money now… as I have framed that whole behavior as “uncool.” It was a good solution.
HER: no, I don’t think so.
HER: I will return it to you after I get my salary
HER: we are friends.
HER: Isn’t it?
I vacuumed here again… and she came back with more.
HER: you have clear blue eyes
HER: I think you are a very kind and kind-hearted person
HER: I have no time on Wednesday and Thursday
HER: But there will be some time this afternoon and tomorrow
She comes back with the “blue eyes.” That is naked manipulation there. While my eyes are amazing (it is true)… I had a sneaking suspicion that she was still trying to get a hand in my pocket…for the cash, not the cock.
I played on and I wanted to test for compliance. I borrowed this next bit about “send me a picture” from Krauser (from his book Daygame Infinite).
NASH: Send me a picture of you that you like
HER: [cat pic]
HER: [a pic of some random white girl]
NASH: Of YOU! : ]
NASH: I want to see you
HER: I’ll send you a picture. You send me red envelop. OK?
Ahhh, now she is back to it.
“Red envelopes” are part of how you transfer cash on WeChat. She is asking for the cash again. Bad, bold, little thing. And now offering to trade for a pic (and we hadn’t specified the nature of the pic).
HER: [nervous emoji]
NASH: You still don’t understand
NASH: I will not be that kind of man to you.
NASH: I am beginning to think you do this with men a lot.
NASH: Too bad… It makes me less interested in you
I could write a whole post based on what I was trying to do here… but for now, let’s say that this is an example of me showing her “I have standards.” And then qualifying her against those standards. Good stuff. My game is getting much better in these areas.
HER: I want a red envelope. Why don’t you give it to me?
HER: You know what it means?
NASH: I do know
NASH: Cool guys do not give girls money.
NASH: Only boring, weak men do that.
NASH: I am not boring. I am not weak.
Smashing it back at her… and genuinely liking her less and less with each round of this cash-grab bullshit.
But I was liking myself more. And that is the point. This looks like “lines” and “outer game,” but it was actually INNER GAME. I was getting stronger. This was easy for me to do… to reject this bad behavior (even though she is a cute and tasty little girl)… and to reject it in a cool, firm, confident way.
HER: I’m in a tight corner right now
NASH: Yes. I understand.
NASH: Go find a boring weak man to pay you.
NASH: And then…
NASH: When you want to spend time with a man that is strong…
NASH: Maybe we’ll talk again.
HER: [happy emoji]
Girls live in the Land of Maybe. So I left her there… for two days.
That session (above) with her via chat was something I knew I’d post. The Sugar Baby routine… makes for a good story. And I like how I handled her there. But after this scene… I also assumed I had her (at least partially) figured her out.
And my assessment was this: She is a well disguised, bad girl. That she hustles guys for money (and probably does it often). Maybe she is a sex worker? Maybe the whole “student” thing was also artifice?
Not every seduction is supposed to be safe and easy… and I knew I would try again with her. I would wait a day/so, but then test her to see if she respected the way I handled her extortion attempts.
She had burned a lot of good will, and I liked her less now. And I would be very careful with her going forward… but I still wanted to have her.
And she would surprise me again and again over the next week or so.
HER: How old are you?
NASH: 97! Good guess
NASH: And you are 12
NASH: Too young
Humor. Push/pull. One point for me.
HER: I mean, are you born in 96?
HER: I want to know your friends
NASH: They live in America
NASH: And they are all younger than me…
NASH Only 95 years old!
NASH: Such children. : ]
HER: you are humorous
HER: What is your name?
NASH: My real name is Nash
NASH: That is the truth
NASH: I never lie to 12 year old girls
NASH: : ]
Another point for me.
And I was noticing that there was no more talk of money at this point. Was that whole mess behind us? I was a bit hopeful about her again. Maybe that was just a shit test… and not a big deal, after all??
Until you start passing shit tests… you never get to find out what is on the other side.
HER: A little chat?
NASH: I am near where we met
NASH: Maybe have dinner soon
HER: OK, yeah
HER: I don’t want to eat
HER: but I want meet you
At the time… I took this ^ statement from her as either 1.) More of her setting me up for some kind of hustle, or 2.) Something explicitly sexual.
I think I was wrong on both ends of that analysis.
NASH: Let me eat first
NASH: Then I’ll send you a message
HER: 20 minutes
NASH: Where are you??
NASH: : ]
HER: my dormitory
HER: I am lazy
HER: It’s too late
NASH: Come have drink in my neighborhood
NASH: [gif of a guy yawning and looking bored]
NASH: : ]
HER: Come to me if you want to see me.
NASH: They let strong men like me in your dormitory?
NASH: That is a terrible plan
NASH: That is why I make the plans
NASH: I am an excellent planner
NASH: [gif of a cocky guy]
HER: There is a restaurant next to our hostel, where many people talk and eat
NASH: Too late
NASH: Maybe tomorrow
I was genuinely “not needy” with her. It wasn’t an act. In part, because we should not invest too much in girls that exhibit red flags. But also… as I was dating a lot. And it was easy to meet other girls. My “disinterest” was mild, but it was real. And it was fun to play with her like this.
Then we had an epic “gif” battle. Multiple animal gif were pitted against each other. Children making weird faces were exchanged. It was a legendary battle! And my thumbs were sweaty when it was done. And it was fun. We were fooling around. Showing our intellect. Bonding a little.
NASH: Maybe tomorrow.
NASH: We can have a real date.
She is smart. I like her.
NASH: Hey Princess
NASH: Have some time tonight?
NASH: Come have a drink with me
NASH: Let’s hangout
HER: 7 PM
NASH: Do you know the big mall by my house?
NASH: Meet there at 7
HER: It sounds good
NASH: See you then.
When she was 15 minutes late… I sent her this:
NASH: BEEP BEEP
NASH: Where are you?
HER: Sorry, I’m late. I’m on the subway now.
She was almost an hour late, but messaged me the whole time, so I knew she was coming. I was irritated… but this is what I get for dating teenage girls. And when she arrived she looked… cute. Very cute. And very young.
Hooded sweatshirt. Skirt. A hat. All of it… pink.
I gave her a big dose of solid, confident attention… and she squirmed. And she would run off ahead of me… and I’d let her go, wait for her to look back, signal for her to return to me… and she would. Like a nervous puppy.
We had fruit drinks in a cool place by the park. It was… a little awkward. Talking through the language barrier was very difficult, at least half of it through the translator app. And she would look away often. Lots of silence.
But we had this moment where we locked eyes again. And it was almost as strong as when we first met. Two minutes. Three minutes. Me talking. Her barely understanding anything I was saying. It went on and on.
I told her I was going to kiss her. I don’t really announce the kiss (anymore), but I think I did this time as she is so young… and I could not read her well at all.
She said no. And she looked a little fierce. And a little agitated. I stared at her.
She said she had to go. I stood up, and she was partially out the door already. I didn’t chase her. I took my time. She was 30 yards ahead of me by the time we got to the intersection.
She glanced over her shoulder once, didn’t even make eye contact, tossed her ponytail a few times… like a nervous horse that doesn’t want to be groomed… and she trotted off.
That was super weird. Never seen anything like that before.
Back to WeChat:
HER: I am sorry
NASH: Don’t be sorry
NASH: I like you
NASH: I don’t know why you have to leave, but have a nice night
Later that night:
HER: Please forgive me for leaving suddenly.
HER: I feel very rude.
HER: I am sorry.
HER: I’m very happy to be with you.
HER: Good night.
I didn’t respond.
About that kiss that didn’t even come close to happening: I have never seen a girl stare at me like that that didn’t want to be kissed. But… I’m pretty sure I believe her. And for that… she is a special kind of mystery for me.
In the days that followed that first time I got her out… despite the weirdness of that date… she would ping me quite often. And I got to learn more about her, and experience her odd little ways. And we’d fight a bit, here and there…
She is strong.
HER: I am not a child
NASH: I know you are not a child
NASH: : ]
NASH: You feel the need to tell me that?
We nipped at each other like this all week long. Almost every night. Her… in her dorm. Messaging with me… a “bad man” from America.
HER: What experience and qualifications do you have?
HER: and what exactly do you do?
NASH: I thought you were tired?
NASH: You are so interested in me
NASH: I like it
HER: but I want you to answer the question
NASH: I will answer the question if you send me a nice picture of you
NASH: Any picture you like
NASH: How do you want me to see you?
HER: [nice pic of her, wearing a hat and smiling]
NASH: That is perfect. You are lovely. Thank you.
Do you see how I delayed her question (about “what exactly do you do”)? And I made her show some compliance first? I had a better sense for this on this trip than I typically have. I was learning from this girl.
She is so strong, that if you let her lead all the time… she’ll likely never trust you, she’d probably get bored, she’ll beat you up, and you’ll never generate anything like attraction.
So she and I spared like this… and I’d win. And she liked it. And slowly, it seemed, she was beginning to trust me.
This is how it works. This is how you “train” a “feral” girl.
HER: I will give you a hug next
NASH: Be careful
NASH: You might get kissed
HER: not joking
NASH: We’ll see.
NASH: The look in your eyes makes me want to kiss you
HER: Have you ever kissed a girl?
NASH: But I hear it is very good!!!
NASH: : ]
HER: I don’t feel like you want to kiss me. So I didn’t feel scared about it.
HER: maybe, your eyes are beautiful
HER: Are you a virgin?
NASH: Do you think virgins are confident with girls like you?
Another great twist here ^.
NASH: You know I am not a virgin
NASH: I don’t think you are either
HER: I am
HER: Why do you think I am not a virgin?
Is she? Isn’t she? I wasn’t sure then, but I am now.
Here is a bigger fight. And an example of me holding the frame. And her coming around to my POV.
HER: Hello, handsome and spirited boy.
NASH: Hi delicious, complicated, serious girl
HER: delicious? Why?
HER: does it means interesting?
NASH: Because you look good to me
NASH: I want to eat you
This is standard talk for me… and I was dating other girls at this point, and often going from sex-talk in one chat window and then back to her… and carrying over the vibe from girl to girl.
HER: I am not food
NASH: I know that
HER: please don’t say
NASH: Bit still tasty for a dangerous Beast like me
HER: but I don’t like you.
HER: I turn down.
NASH: Yes you do
NASH: I am too smart for that game
HER: I don’t like you.
NASH: : ]
She is harsh. But I was reading through a lot of that “I don’t like you” stuff. I still don’t understand this girl well, but I did a good job of leading her as I experimented on what she would take… and experimented with how solid I could be in holding the frame in these moments.
And 10 minutes later:
HER: Don’t think I can be invaded by you.
HER: I think I have known why my eyes are strong.
NASH: You message me late at night, just to tell me “you don’t like me?”
NASH: : ]
HER: Good night.
She wasn’t going to give… so I let the thread drop for the evening.
NASH: Hello Lovely, Strong, Independent Girl
NASH: Happy Tuesday
HER: yes. a happy day
NASH: I went to the gym for a big workout
NASH: [pic of Superman]
NASH: I feel STRONG
I thought we had passed our squabble from the night before… but the little tiger wouldn’t let it go.
HER: Please apologize.
NASH: For what?
HER: you say that.
HER: I don’t like what you said.
NASH: That you are delicious? That?
NASH: I have no shame to show that I think you are attractive
Solid ^ line here. This is the man I want to be.
HER: you often say it? to many persons?
NASH: Only when I think that person is attractive
NASH: The desire of a strong man can be a good thing
Really holding my frame here ^.
HER: Thank you for your compliment, but it is uncomfortable to say “want to eat you.”
HER: Please don’t say that.
She is trying to hold her frame too… but I almost have her. No neediness. Tight frame. I vacuumed some more…
HER: I like your sincere words and concerns.
She is softening now… she is giving into my frame.
HER: Are you angry?
I heard this ^ several times this trip (from the two 19 year olds) when I would “vacuum.”
NASH: I am not angry
NASH: I like you
NASH: We are a good fit
NASH: You like to argue with me
NASH: And you should stop that. : ]
NASH: But we are charming together.
I am training her ^ here. Explicitly training her. I will have more examples of this when I post about Baby Dragon. Lots of practice with this kind of game on this trip.
And I don’t mean to make this a big deal… but that is what I am doing. I have never “trained” girls as much as I did in Shanghai. These are new skills… growing out of where I am at this stage of my game.
HER: I think so.
HER: A good fit. [happy face]
There. The fight is over. And she is happy.
I never apologized… because there was no reason to do so… and she dropped her complaint. In the end, she was happy to agree that she and I were “a good fit.”
Did I really believe that? That she and I are a “good fit?” Not earlier that week, I didn’t.
But more and more so, as we mixed it up via chat… yes. She was taking my leadership. She was doing so, super cautiously… but she was doing it. We were finding a rhythm.
HER: I really want to see you
NASH: Hello Beautiful. I want to see you too.
NASH: Maybe tomorrow?
NASH: Come see me.
HER: tomorrow I will go to XYZ city
HER: It may be farewell, but I think I should say goodbye to you before I leave
Genuine tenderness ^ from her. And the announcement that she was leaving Shanghai so suddenly… caught me by surprise.
NASH: I finished my dinner
NASH: Where are you now??
HER: [her neighborhood]
HER: Can you come see me?
I had great logistics in my neighborhood. And it is rarely a good idea to go to the girl… and as I would soon see, this time was no exception to the rule.
NASH: If I come see you…
NASH: Where we will go?
NASH: You know if I see you…
NASH: I will kiss you this time
HER: residential block
NASH: I’ll come see you
NASH: Meet me at the station
And I was off… it was the farthest trip I had taken out of my neighborhood. Heading off on a Chinese subway to meet a teenager… just a typical night for a daygamer in a foreign land.
NASH: I am here
NASH: Going upstairs
NASH: Meet me
HER: I come to you.
This is what it looked like when I came out of the station:
My neighborhood was not “residential.” It was high-end. And full of friendly stores and restaurants. Lots of people. Never ending tree-lined streets. But this… was nothing like that.
And then… she messaged me a bunch… and we shared location via WeChat (so I could see where she was)… and I walked most of the way to the little “dot” on the map that was her… and I could see her moving toward me for a while… and then… the “dot” stayed in one place.
She wasn’t coming to me anymore. And it was weird. And she stopped responding.
Oh well. I knew the job was “dangerous” when I took it.
Of course this plan didn’t work…
And then (of course) the trains stopped running…
And then (of course) I can’t speak Chinese with taxi drivers…
… I am in a cab now. Driver has a 2 inch thumbnail. I’ll be glad to be home.
— Nash (@DaysOfGame_com) November 6, 2018
I didn’t see the girl, but at least it didn’t seem like a hustle. And I didn’t lose a kidney, so I couldn’t be that mad.
NASH: I am going home.
NASH: You’re a cute girl, but you should let me make the plan : ]
HER: it isn’t a good plan
HER: I am feeling sorry
HER: I am sorry I am not close to you
I made it home… riding next to my rarely-showered cab driver. Catching the cab was a bit of a challenge… but it only cost me $3 to get back to my place.
I tried to get her to come over that night… offering to pay the $3 for the cab. She was a solid and succinct “no” each time.
I was still confused… so I asked what happened:
NASH: If I was so close to you…
NASH: Why didn’t you come meet me?
NASH: That part of tonight is confusing for me
HER: My teacher doesn’t allow me to go out at night.
NASH: Why did you invite me then?
HER: because I want to see you before I leave
NASH: But you cannot go outside?
NASH: That is a very bad plan
HER: She is a little angry
HER: I meet my classmates on road, they tell my teacher because of concern
HER: and my teacher know I want meet some friends before leave
HER: but she don’t allow time is so late
Oh. Also weird.
She is a little girl (and a terrible planner). And she lives in a supervised dorm. There it was… a plausible explanation for the events of the evening.
I still don’t know what to think about this girl’s sexuality.
I had positioned myself to her sexually (over and over). She had rejected that, but kept coming back to me for more… which I assumed (each time) to be passive acceptance of my sexual frame. But I really don’t know…
NASH: Last question:
NASH: You don’t want me to kiss you?
NASH: Or you are nervous to kiss me?
HER: yes. I only want to see you.
Meanwhile… I listened to this killer talk while I was in Shanghai. The talk is about sexual desire. Check this out:
“And it can exist in a person that has no conception of what sex is, and that that is the way to fulfill what he feels.”
— Roger Scruton
Is it possible that this girl felt some kind of desire for me? She was obviously very invested and she pursued me a lot. (You’ll also see notes of “jealousy” and “possessiveness” in her messages below.) But maybe… maybe she didn’t know enough about sex to know “desire” for what it is… to “connect” to that feeling?
As I learn more about game… I increasingly feel certain that true naiveté is incredibly rare (maybe nonexistent). Was this space between she and I was actually platonic? Was this girl just not into me? Or was she so sexually underdeveloped… she wasn’t “getting it?” She felt “man to woman” attraction (in her “hindbrain”). But maybe she honestly doesn’t know what that means (in terms of her forebrain)… at the level of behavior and her body?
Is that possible?
I don’t know. For these reasons and more… she was such a special case. And it was a rare and wonderful time with her.
What an exploration.
Later that night:
HER: tomorrow morning.
HER: Shanghai railway station. At 10am.
HER: I will waiting for you at there
HER: 11 am
This ^ came in pieces as I made my way home… in the cab that smelled like bodies, sweat, and cigarettes.
And later that night as I sat in an Irish Pub (and sipped a beer), she continued to try to lock me down (yet again) to another terrible plan.
HER: Do you come to the railway station?
HER: my teacher advise that we can say goodbye to each other at the railway station
NASH: No sweetheart
Of course I would not agree to that.
Can you imagine?? Me… at 11 AM. Meeting her… and her teacher. So I could do some very odd, romantic-but-neutered “goodbye” at the train station?
It’s poetic. I loved that she pushed for it to happen. But it, too… was so strange.
And now rewind back to the first part of this story… this is the same girl that pressured me to give her “200 yuan.” Don’t they seem “like different girls?” Is any of this consistent with who I thought she was at first?
There was a time when I assumed this girl was a sex worker. It’s quite obvious to me now that she is not.
If I had agreed to meet her at the station… it would not have been about cash anymore (she never brought that up again). And it wasn’t about a kiss or sex (her teacher would be literally chaperoning us). And we are obviously not really “friends?”
What is this girl all about?
Here is what I think: I think she is a smart and capable girl. Totally inexperienced… but full of impulses. And she is bold enough to act on those impulses… even when they don’t make any sense.
She wanted something from me. I don’t think she really knew what it was. If I had more time with her… perhaps I would have filled in some of the foggy parts of her own desire.
I don’t know.
She left that morning without any visit from me.
And while I didn’t try to send her off, she wasn’t done with me yet… and we picked up another few chats over the next couple of days.
HER: You are a friend
NASH: I don’t want to be your friend
HER: Just a friend
NASH: My turn to say no
NASH: When you are older, you’ll understand
Obviously I wasn’t going to fuck her at this point, but I would still maintain the role I had been playing (and it was never “friend”). She was angling for another argument here, but I had enjoyed this exploration with her. And I was increasingly patient with her quirks… settling into a functional younger/older relationship.
HER: You can find other girl to be your girlfriend
NASH: I know that
NASH: I am already dating other people
NASH: The point was to know you
NASH: See… I can say it too
NASH: I have always treated you like a woman
NASH: Not like a “friend”
HER: Let’s not contact
NASH: Go away
NASH: : ]
NASH: I still like you
NASH: And smile when I think of you
HER: Don’t like me
HER: Hey, Nash.
I vacuumed a bit…
HER: I want to tell you that I am very upset that you are dating other girls
HER: So I said we should not contact
HER: But that is not what I really think.
HER: And I am not a woman, I am a girl.
This ^ is my favorite part of this post. And one of my favorite parts of the whole trip. That line is like a lightning bolt for me.
It is clear she is not, in fact, mature. But would a girl her age say this? And say it in this way? It clearly meant something to her.
HER: And I am not a woman, I am a girl.
So ^ “out of the blue.” I wasn’t negotiating sex or anything like that. She wanted to say this. She wanted me to hear it. What did that statement mean to her?
I bet you’ve never pickup story quite like this one.
NASH: I think of you as a woman. But you are “young” in your heart.
Was I being naïve? Was this her… “feeding me” bits of a fantasy she thought I wanted? Or one that she could intuit would easily ensnare me in some way??
HER: but you say you see me like a woman
NASH: I do… I still do.
NASH: I do see you as a woman.
HER: You are clever
I am, it’s true. But I don’t know why she said that here. I think she just liked me. More and more. And she didn’t have a lot of context for what she and I were doing together.
And she brought up (once again) our failed last attempt to see each the night before she left Shanghai:
HER: I should have told you that you could go home
HER: I am very concerned about you
HER: My plan is really out of order.
HER: I think your plan is better than my plan
She is right. Men should always make the plans. Of course.
And she was starting to see the world as I see it. And I could recognize this shift in our relationship. Believe me… I would have fucked her. But I was taking on an additional “mentor” quality. It was not my goal… but it was an organic consequence of our time together.
And I was… coaching her:
NASH: I will say it again
NASH: If you find a strong man, a man you can trust…
NASH: And his plan is not too crazy…
NASH: You can follow his plan
NASH: Be careful. Learn to see a man’s real nature.
NASH: But a strong man can give you a good experience.
NASH: Start with small plans. And give him your trust if he deserves it.
Not bad advice. A predator… coaching the prey. Unusual.
HER: Thank you. I remember.
HER: you are so goodness
NASH: I am a good man.
NASH: But I also have a man’s mind. And a man’s desire.
NASH: That is why I say I wanted to kiss you.
Even in these last few moments of communication… I knew what I wanted. And I was proudly waving around “my dick” (while being a little more reasonable than that, in the bigger picture of her education).
NASH: That is a normal thing for a man to want.
NASH: Understand this is how adults will see you…
NASH: Even if you have a young heart.
HER: You say it right.
HER: You are sincere, considerate, and a little bit strong
HER: : ]
HER: I know you are a good boy, so you have given me many good experiences
So cute. She had nothing to gain here. We were just debriefing on our time together.
NASH: That makes me proud
NASH: I have my hungry side…
NASH: I would take your clothes off, if I had the time with you.
NASH: I don’t hide my desire from you, Strong Girl
NASH: In this way…
NASH: I am teaching you to understand men
I was. Teaching her. Training her (for what I expect from her) and teaching her (and the ways of the world).
I am beginning to see how young girls get their education. They get it… from us.
They get it, from men like me. In these kinds of situations. And if you meet a girl like this one… who started off quite smart… and then was “trained” by me, via a couple of weeks of sparing… and perhaps by two or three other men around my calibre… if you’re a man that isn’t well trained yourself…
Do you really think you can handle her?
So much for “shy and submissive” Asian girls, right?
This is her “raw,” at 19. What will she be like when she is 23?
There are some odd, perverted qualities to this story. I feel them (and some of them are hot to me). When I got her out on our brief, strange little date where she ran off at the end… she felt conspicuously young. It was awkward, but her youth also added to the intoxifying aspects of being with her.
And while that is true, some part of me is still a little “bluepill,” even after all this time I have spent trying to understand women. There are parts of me where I am (in theory) hesitant “to take” this girl, as she is so young… as I buy into the purity fantasy.
And another part of me… wants to push myself, wants the notch, wants to be able to brag I nailed a teenager… and also… just to feel her body wrapped around me as I literally open her up to a sexual experience with an older man.
Most of my actions were aiming at the latter of those two paths. Even now… I would fuck that little thing. And if she would follow the lead I offered her… I would enjoy it. And if I had another week with her… I think she would have been close to letting herself be taken… to be a character in that kind of story.
But in the end… I took on a role I’ve never taken before. That of the Lover-Mentor. It’s an old role. I am not the first man to play it.
HER: You know, the difference between a good man and a bad man is that they be responsible for their girls?
Amazing line from her here ^. That is brilliant.
NASH: That is a good start
NASH: It is more than that
NASH: But that is a good start
And it is more than that.
And in the end, this seduction is a kind of “loss” for me. I didn’t fuck her. No notch. I never even tasted her young, hot little mouth.
But the relationship has a strangely satisfying aftertaste anyway… despite the asexual final score. It is a victory, too. And I love this story.
I was no timid beta here. I pursued her with the full force I would have pursued a more developed woman. I wrestled her to the ground (intellectually), over and over. She was a real challenge. I certainly never gave her any money… and I clearly won her over in many ways.
But in the end… I managed to summon maturity that she could not. I was even more mature than I wanted to be, but we fell into a natural groove.
And she showed me so much of herself. I caught her in the middle of some “sexual growing pains.” She was one-part “teddy bear” and one-part temptress. I was there to dance with her in that space… to lead her on that dance. And to observe the beauty and the natural force of those peculiar late-staged days in the development of an extraordinary little girl… as she steps into womanhood.