Street Harassment vs Vulnerability
Wow, what a fucked up couple weeks in the media for proud, proud “street harassers” like myself.
I have been sick lately. Baby Jesus served up not one, but two colds, back to back. Right in the middle of what felt like some real growth in terms of game… I was on a fucking roll. Baby Jesus laid me out flat, mean-spirited Baby Jesus that he is.
*Cough, cough. Sniff, sniff.* Ahhh, finally feeling better!
Meanwhile on the internet… shitstorm of anti “guys talking to girls they don’t know” coverage.
As a proud daygamer, I have no shame. And I let my hippie friends know it. A voice of reason in a sea of “how dare you” bullshit and anti-social garbage over the last few days. I met some other reasonable folks – men and women – that don’t feel the fear of knowing each other.
Cat calls… personally, not a fan. Most guys that cat call are running some shit game, IMHO. A lot of real cat calls are weak mockeries of real game.
“Dayyymm, girl” isn’t really an approach, although I can appreciate that feeling.
“Nice ass, baby,” is just lame. Yes, her ass is a fucking miracle, but still… you can do better.
“Ah, God Bless You,” – well, that one, I like. Beautiful sentiment, but not good game.
However, most of the examples in the media this week were not “harassment,” which happens, yes, but is defined by >>repeated<< unwanted contact. That's not what was in the NYC video. Those were cat calls, even though most were super mild, even polite, but all the same, shit game. In our language, cat calls are "value taking." That’s what sucks about them. They are low status behavior. Now... there are a few "cat caller" dudes out there, that are actually running real game. It's a type of natural game. They start off identical to the "sniper-like" dudes that make a comment but can't back it up... but these guys then deliver value. They make that comment, and mostly in spite of the cat call tactics... their solidity as men still comes thru. I saw this "pimpy" guy in the mall do this the other day... cat call, but with so much gravity, so much true trust in himself, so much experience as a man, he captivated us all. I was impressed. I saw the girl blush... big smile and blush. Sorry, she loved it, even if he wasn't her type. That was game. But most daygame isn't anything like cat calls. As my hippie friends and I got into the "harassment" debate this week, the hippies would back off when I would suggest that proper street game means you're "vulnerable" as a man. Vulnerability is what you're feeling when you get approach anxiety. Cat calls avoid real vulnerability, by yelling shit at girls from moving cars, or from a pack of guys, by going vulgar as a way of not taking themselves seriously. That’s all bullshit, will create zero results, and freaks girls out… it’s not seduction, so it comes off as scary, gross, value-taking or whatever.
But when I suggest that as a man I am walking into real vulnerability, the hippies cool out on there “that’s abusive” routine.
And on the street, girls can see that kind of realness. That’s part of what blows them way – it’s rare. Direct game really showcases the realness, in the way the over-gamed pickup artist is also avoiding (no diss to pickup, I am a proud member of this community). Real vulnerability also separates you from the “scripted” daygamers, who by their adherence to the script aren’t really taking their own experience, or the girls, seriously.
But… it was weird to go from the hysteria of “harassment-gate” to the streets. From Hollerback to “how you doing?” My wing and I would literally be talking about it, and then… run off to open a girl. I was expecting to get called out, but of course, no one did… business as usual on the streets.
As I was sick, I’ve barely been approaching. 4 girls last week, in between colds. A little action at Halloween parties. 5 girls this week. But here’s my highlight set from Friday.
I was chasing after this lovely, high-end, Asian woman with sexy wedges and blond hair. I lagged w/ my wing just long enough that I kinda of lost her in the crowd… eventually spotting her in a car, someone had picked her up.
As I walk back to my wing, I see this quirky Filipina girl in athletic gear. Approach her, not too bad, given that I was a bit rusty. She hooks. I’m just warming up, and don’t really feel the chemistry w/ her. I cut the set short, tell her she’s charming and that it was nice to meet her, and as I turn to leave…
“Yeah, thank you! And hey… you have pretty eyes.”
Ha! Why, thank you! Counter-complimented. I love it. That’s never happened to me before. As I was leaving, she shows a little more investment. No “harassment” for that girl. And another social justice myth shows some nuance, right there on the pavement.
Another girl later that day turned out to be married, but thanked me 3-4 times for the compliment as I cut that set short as well. I’m walking away, smiling, she’s thanking me over and over. She loved it. So did I.
Yes, the stunning little 5′ Japanese girl (girl #4 of the day) rolled her eyes and brushed me off. Good for her. But I hooked 4 of 5 that day, still fuzzy-headed from my cold. No objective. Just making friends and trying to shake the rust off.
Weak-ass cat calls, no thank you. But real, vulnerable, gift-giving daygame… that’s the man I want to be.
Do you think the “street harassment” video would have looked similar in SF?