TYO: I’m not a PUA, I’m a BOA
I have a new point of terminology to share from my experience running daygame in Tokyo. I present the concept of… The “blowout artist.” Or BOA.
I had some big days of approaching on this trip. Several days of 30+ girls in an afternoon. There are so many girls, it’s easier than it sounds. But along with a lot of opportunity comes plenty of vulnerability and rejection.
On this particular day, it was early in the trip. I was getting over my second cold, didn’t really feel like being out, but wanted to start the Tornado and get my momentum going. My state was off, and I wasn’t warmed up… but I jumped into the day and started talking to girls.
I got a lot of blowouts that day. A lot.
Some of what I call “soft” blowouts, where she might smile but never even turns her head as she walks right past you. Or ones where she says, “No English, no English!” and continues her walk. Or you get a little wave-off, like you’re a fly buzzing around her latte. And then harsher ones where her jaw tightens a little, or a flash of annoyance passes across her eyes. Or an icy blowout, where you never exist at all. She is just a cold wind. Brrrrrr.
I think I probably had tougher days later in the trip (measured by sheer volume of blowouts), but this day was packed with rejection. I felt like I was going to set a lifetime personal record for blowouts that day — and just that thought made me start to laugh.
As I look at my stats, I think I got blown out something like 14 times that day. Most of them in the first half of the day.
I had, in fact, tapped into a rich vein of blowouts. One of many on this trip. It was a blowout gold mine. All you can eat blowouts. Glorious, glorious rejection.
More laughter for me as I thought of it this way.
And that is the point. This was a way of seeing blowouts as no big deal. And it worked.
And while I didn’t do as much posting and documentation of all my approaches on this trip (I had better things to write about), I was thinking of this post, and how I wanted to claim the title of BOA.
I am a blowout artist. Perhaps the best blowout artist that has ever lived!!! I’m so good, I have so much experience, I should be a blowout coach. When I retire, there will be a life-size bronze of me getting rejected by some little girl in the Blowout Hall of Fame.
By the time I was at my 13th approach, I remember getting a blowout and then clapping and laughing. The impact on my psychology of having a girl fail to acknowledge my existence had turned. The blowouts were now actually pumping me up. It started to get me high.
I am studying RSD’s “Hotseat at Home” right now. There is great line that makes good sense to me, based on what I know from my time in the field:
“When you do pickup, for example, and you approach so many girls it shuts off the mind…”
— RST Tyler, from his Hotseat at Home
That’s part of what is going on here. The sting of AA burns out when you approach a lot. I still need to warm up, but I don’t really get AA anymore. And rejections can still hurt, or knock me down some. Start me on a downward spiral. But not always.
On some of these big days, the volume does “shut off my mind.” And not only would I feel no AA, but rejections would just make me smile.
Street approaches are not all about rejection, not at all. But getting blownout some is definitely part of the lifestyle. And sometimes, a blowout can actually become fuel, and accelerate you into the next approach, put some glow in your cheeks, make you even more solid.
I had some of this going on before I left for Japan. I remember being out with Rauker back at home and talking about blowouts. I told him that sometimes I see a girl that looks hard to approach, and I tell myself, “cool, go get that blowout,” and I run over and go for it. And it makes the whole thing fun. Loosens me up. And the truth is, I am often wrong about those “hard to approach girls.” They often pop right open.
After all those rejections, Girl #14 on this day hooked really nice, and my blowouts hotstreak was mostly over. It could have been random that I had so much rejection in the first half of my day. Or it could have been that I had to “let it go.” That the “tightness” in me was part of why I was getting those reactions.
Girl #19 that day was one of the hottest girls I’ve ever approached. Here are the notes I wrote about that approach:
Then… Very hot girl, fierce walk. Great stop, my best in TYO. She stood so close to me, she was cool, non-reactive. Gave me the “Russian minute.” I was as strong as I have ever been in set. A breaking rapport look in my eyes. She took it, and then softened. Lovely. She hooked. Claimed to be a model… which is a type of high-status claim as I see it. I don’t care about “models,” but she was beautiful and had plenty of power. She had some really excellent beauty marks to accent it all. I took her Line contact. She messaged me first. Solid. We’re chatting.
I collected a couple more blowouts that day. But I also took four leads before it was over. Dated one of those girls several times.
There are several lessons here.
One, that the blowouts don’t mean anything. I’m not saying they’re fun, but they could be random, and even if they’re not they can be meaningless if you don’t make a big story about them in your head. In fact, they can be a state-booster, if you’re having fun.
Another lesson is that a few blowouts, even harsh ones, doesn’t mean you suck. And they certainly don’t mean the day sucks or that your state is so off you should stop.
I’m a big advocate for approaching high volume of girls in a given day, as I am convinced this high volume helps “numb” your brain. Or put you in state. Or whatever you want to call being “in flow” with women and everyone around you.
With volume and some inner game, the whole sequence gets “more local” — meaning it becomes just about you, the girl, and that little bit of concrete between you. And that’s it. It’s not about your “big special snowflake story,” or about the last girl, and how much she hated your approach. When you get to this state, each girl is a refresh, and if you have any skill, each one has the potential to go really well. Each girl is a new chapter, and a chance to start over. If your state is climbing, and you’re becoming “free,” each girl might have the potential to get even better than the one before her.
I am loving the BOA title. Claiming my legacy as a blowout artist feels like freedom to me. I used the concept several times in Tokyo as a way to remind myself to loosen up. And it worked.
I am a BOA. Maybe the best in the world!
Embrace your blowouts. Because they’re inevitable. My game has never been stronger but I still get blownout every day. Sometimes over and over. But the blowouts can boost you state. Each blowout can be a reminder that you’re free, that none of this matters, that we are social beasts and we can let our swagger run wild.
I’ll be using this term a lot, I bet. The BOA. I’m the best! You heard it here first.
Nothing motivates me more than rejection. In everything I do. Sports, sales, etc. It’s great. Also, I think you were witness to several of my all-time greatest blowouts. The one that sticks in my memory was a Central-Asian looking girl that was so scared of me she started backing away. Then I noticed the ring on her left hand… oops.
Cool post. So true. I watched this on youtube and it was just like you mentioned. Following a guy around that is tired of online and decides to hit the “streets”. He is getting brutally blown out. Then ends up having a few dates. What you describe is the truth of what people need to realize. It’s not about getting lucky. It’s about being persistent. You have to keep going to get the right woman at the right time. I have found too that it has nothing to do with looks either. https://youtu.be/6DIeL4-wwBo
Ahhhh, I love this video, man. Feels so good to watch that guy. I love it.
>> He is getting brutally blown out.
Ahhhh, other than that one dude that looks like he wants to fight… those were pretty nice, gentle blowouts. Like I said above, getting rejected isn’t always fun… but I could have a good time getting the kind of “rejection” he had there. That is normal, healthy “stone flipping” that he is doing. I could have fun doing that.
And I want to highlight the two most important things in that video, from my POV:
— He is approaching. Aka “volume,” There is nothing that matters more.
— And #2… he’s real, he vulnerable.
Notice that I put that in my notes for beginner daygamers.
That guy looks so cool to me, because he is doing “direct” (no bullshit, no excuses), and he is real (no false front, no fake brovado). And that is why all those women are so cool to him. That is he ballsy (women love it) and that he’s real (also a charming characteristic). I would wing that guy in a second… he seems cool.
However… if we want to critique his game here:
He is asking for the date too early. I know that’s obvious, but let’s spell it out.
He has given these girls too little value — not enough “deposits” (other than his boldness and nice presence), and is already looking to make a “withdrawal.”
This is partly why the London Daygame Model (LDM) suggests we do 5-10 minutes before we try to close.
You don’t need to do that much. It can be done within a few minutes (as you and I discussed). A lot of value can be conveyed in a simple, solid, grounded look in your eyes. But you can’t expect much when you open a girl by asking her out. That’s not going to work often.
To say more… that is a guy, being too logical. It’s masculine, and that’s good, but too logical, not “seductive” enough. He knows what he wants, goes for it, but skips any emotional ground work that would make it more likely to be successful.
Masculine + seductive = get laid, have fun
His approach is kind of like say, “Hey, wanna fuck?” Yes, we want sex. And she does too. But it is not overly “bluepill” to do at least a minute of two of work before you make an offer for a date (or sex).
I know this stuff above is obvious in many ways… but I think it’s worth spelling it all out.
“Daygame is the best test of how normal of a person you are.”
— Jon Sinn
^ That is a great quote. And it’s true. It’s how to do the extraordinary, but looks “normal” while you do it. That is part of the trick. She needs a minute or two to make sure you’re not crazy.
I agree on his being too direct. It was kinda funny and encouraging how he just went for it. You could tell as you said he had no training. Your post made me think of this as it was just persistence and in the end it worked.
Especially as in the beginning it is almost painful to watch. You feel like this is never going to work as he is getting blown out repeatedly. However by keeping at it, in the end it works.
What I think is great also is that it might have been the most attractive woman he approached that he ended up with.
Yoham is being too strict on the guy. Yeah he does pull the trigger early, but he does have some things going for him.
His style is not bad…doesn’t look like a chode
He has a great vibe – positive and chill
He is not defensive
He is authentic and genuine
He was able to transition and hold decent conversations.
These are the things that PUAs usually lack.
“This is partly why the London Daygame Model (LDM) suggests we do 5-10 minutes before we try to close.”
One thing I wanted to add…I see 3-5 minutes as ideal. Yes, she needs 1-2 minutes to access you as normal…and another few mintues to be attracted, but anything more than 5 minutes is not going to change things much…I think if you can get her to stop and chat for longer than 5 minutes you should already by pulling her or walking her to an instadate.
10 minutes to me is way too long and needy.
Like who the hell has 10 minutes to just sit and chat with a stranger on the street? Paul Janka was doing 2-3 saying how he was coming in like some “wild adventurer” and swooping in and getting her number and then he was gone…very romantic ideal that she could tell her friends about, even more so in this app infested era.
So yeah, I guess it’s a matter of preference too, but I’ve fucked girls within 10 minutes of meeting them (nightgame) so for me that is way too long.
The guy in the video has HORRIBLE game, 90% anti game, should be censored, taken to therapy, rehabilitated, sent to the penis enlargement camp. Fuck makes me dizzy to watch.
Take notes from Max body language and tone, where he puts his weight, how girls react to his space. That’s 80%. Max is not a brilliant guy or a genius but all the phrases he spits there create immediate positive reaction because he knows what he’s doing. He’s not a desperate guy asking for a date, but a young alpha swinging.
While I was looking for that quote from Sinn in some old notes I have, I found this as well:
Sinn on direct:
“A powerful man who’s not afraid to make himself vulnerable to a special woman.”
^ Perfectly said. I love it. That is what is going on in Supertramps video.
“The downside of direct is that it forces a girl to forces a girl to make an instant yes/no decision about whether/not she wants to talk to you.”
^ Yes, but you end up with an “honest” relationship, and that’s worth it. And… you don’t have to find some “clever” way to transition from “Do you know where Starbucks is” to “I want to make out with you.” The direct approach is a straight line to the makeout vibe. I like it, very much.
“The blowouts you get with direct are a lot softer than what you’ll get with indirect.”
^ I don’t know if this is true (I never do indirect anymore), but that is similar to what I said above. I think those girls are very nice to him, very warm, even if they don’t try to jump his bones.
Again, if you’re a “powerful man who’s not afraid to make himself vulnerable to a special woman,” you will get some very good reactions, even from women that aren’t interested or available.
As you do more approaches, you’ll quickly find that married women are some of the best interactions you’ll get. They love it. They love the directness and the attention. And even as they “reject you,” you’ll get some really warm rejections. Very soft blowouts, indeed.
This is all true on the streets for me. I’ve been thanked repeatedly (“OMG, you completely made my day, thank you!”), openly encouraged (“keep doing this!”), and even hugged (her idea, not mine).
“The guy in the video has HORRIBLE game”
well, i see what yohami is saying, the guy in the video is very “mopey”, he is playing the lovable loser role, like please take pity on me, please come on a date with me. in a way, it can be seen as sincere and vulnerable, but more than that, it comes off as pathetic.
the best thing he has going for him is his height, body, and face (somewhat), that’s the only reason girls even listen to him and don’t laugh in his face, because although his vibe is all pathetic, he has masculine presence thanks to his big masculine build.
also, how close was the cameraman?? how did he get those really close shots without anyone looking at the camera….
is the whole thing a film, aka fiction?
>> “The guy in the video has HORRIBLE game”
Yeah, he has mostly horrible game, in terms of his application of psychology.
>> well, i see what yohami is saying, the guy in the video is very “mopey”, he is playing the lovable loser role, like please take pity on me, please come on a date with me
I don’t think this is true. That’s not what I see.
And I don’t think that is the kind of reaction he gets from those girls. They don’t look at him like “the lovable nerd.” And you’re right, his good looks are part of this story, but even if he was nerdy looking, but had the same non-verbals/verbals that guy had, he would not get the “loveable nerd” reaction. I don’t see pity at all.
(“Pathetic” is closer, but only because “pathos” means feeling, and he makes you feel something, I just don’t think it’s pity that you feel… not the girls. We might feel pity, over his lack of game, but he is not pitiful in anyway. That guy is pretty cool.)
He is being ERNEST, that’s the standout bit he is doing. He is being guileless and sincere. That is his problem, and part of his success. We all like sincere. It is really nice. And refreshing. That’s part of why he has so many nice interactions And he does have nice interactions… that would be a nice day out, if you got the reactions he is getting.
But his sincerity is too “transactional.” He is treating it like a business deal, to some degree. “Hey, you need a date, I need a date, I’m a nice guy, you’re a little hot, this is how it works, let’s have a date.” Too logical. Too transactional. That’s why I compared it to “Hey, wanna fuck?” Not enough dance there.
That’s why his game sucks… and to be honest, that guy could just do that, and would get laid pretty regularly, better than 50% of daygamers out there. His game sucks, because he’s too transactional, but he would still get laid, just like that, because he was 1. Sincere (aka “real”) and 2. He was CONGRUENT. Which is close to sincere, but not exactly the same thing. He is missing a sexual threat element, but in the kiss scenes, he did that too.
And Riv, you’re right, it could be a film… but that is dead-on life to me. Nicely done. I’d stick by all my comments, even if this was all staged.
“Hey, wanna fuck?” would be better game
He could still get laid because
1) He’s taking action, offering himself to women
2) There will be a woman, somewhere, looking exactly for that. A nerdy lost guy who is tall and somewhat good looking and makes her feel in a special way that only makes sense for her. So if he offers himself to 5000 women he will, no doubt, hit a couple of lotteries, get lucky.
But that’s not Game, it’s “a game”.
His problem is not that he’s transactional, its that what he’s offering in the transaction has anti-value.
I was a bit cringing in the beginning. You gotta love when it gets turned with time in his favor. How many things are like this in life. People give up way to early. Right when things are about to turn.
I smiled when I read this. “Hey, you need a date, I need a date, I’m a nice guy, you’re a little hot, this is how it works, let’s have a date.”
That’s great! It should work like that. No books or courses needed. The end …done.
“I’m a nice guy, you’re a little hot” It’s actually GREAT game, perfect push pull.
“Hey, Im a gentleman, and you’re somewhat good looking ;-) ” soft punch on your arm is guaranteed.
“And sometimes, a blowout can actually become fuel, and accelerate you into the next approach, put some glow in your cheeks, make you even more solid.”
Blowouts can make me more solid, too. But for me, it’s because I know that that blowout would have caused another man to quit the Game. But not me. Me, it just strengthens my resolve.
>> it’s because I know that that blowout would have caused another man to quit the Game. But not me. Me, it just strengthens my resolve.
This is exactly what I am trying to get at, Cobra.
This is “judo.” Making force work for you.
You take what someone might frame as defeat, and you reframe it as “only a chode would be defeated by this, and I am no chode” (took the word chode from your blog), and then you approach again, and you’ve just proven to yourself you’re no chode, by your own standard.
You turned a blowout into an upward spiral moment.
That is fundamentally taking the friction in your game and re-purposing it into fuel. This is what the metaphor of alchemy has always meant… the gold is you, it’s internal. “Turn lead into gold.” This is how we do it. The gold, the “holy grail,” is big, healthy inner game… it’s not a thing, it’s “perfect state.” That is the “gold” that is worth the journey. From that inner state, flows everything else.
That is powerful mental gymnastics.
Right on. Thanks for the comment.