Asking Permission, Honor and Milk and Cookies Girl
I’ve been trying to drag a good friend of mine — call him DJ — into daygame. I think he’d love it. I know he would. He has a very specific type — blonde, relatively thin, great ass. He’s not finding that type often enough in bars or in his social circle — surprise, surprise! But daygamers know… these girls are on the sidewalk everyday. My favorite girl of the day yesterday, was exactly his type. And she was adorable.
But DJ is hung up on the “isn’t it creepy to talk to girls you don’t know on the street?” He’s looking for permission. So many of us are. It’ll never happen, and it’s bad game. I remember that feeling. But I’m over it now.
Meanwhile, I have a lot of hippie friends. Hippies and new agers think game is creepy, or inauthentic, or abusive to girls. That’s a very “mainstream” POV about game in general. And hippies talk about “consent” quite a bit, which is getting at DJ’s question. Consent is another term for “permission.”
If you pay attention to social justice folks (which you should avoid), they talk a lot about consent. It’s in the news a lot lately as well, as college campuses are changing laws regarding rape in terms of the level of consent (“only yes means yes’). This all ties back into suggesting that men “need permission” to interact w/ women. No we don’t. If you interact w/ women with any skill, you know how much they love good game.
But feminists, social justice warriors, white knights, college administrators, even your AFC buddies, will try to convince you that you need to ask permission. In fact, these folks will often demand that you get <b>specific, verbal “yes”</b> at each and every step, to do anything w/ a women. That’s crazy talk.
And as a newbie to daygame, you already have enough friction without accepting any of that garbage. If you don’t intuitively know that that is terrible advice, or know this from your own experiences w/ women, you’ll figure this out as you keep going.
I’ll touch two examples here.
1.) Bigger picture, girls have disgust for men that ask — in a verbal way. Talk to guys w/ real experience and they’ll tell you that by the time you get a verbal yes you’ve already had many non-verbal yes’s that you either missed, or were too timid to capitalize on. That will annoy a girl, or kill most of the sexual tension as you look like a junior high kid. Asking, when you could have read the signals on her body, or taken some masculine initiative, is super lame. “Uhhh, can I kiss you?” is one of the least seductive moves in history — girls talk about this all the time. It’s a subtle thing, but no, you don’t need “verbal” consent. The fact is, that teaching men to communicate non-verbally — especially to read a woman’s non-verbal cues — is much tougher than just demanding that men “ask for verbal permission.” Let the white knights go the verbal route, you should learn to read women, and (mostly) never seek verbal permission.
Men should always proceed w/ honor — when in doubt, proceed w/ honor. But verbal consent is ridiculous.
2.) As daygamers… we can’t ask for permission without already initiating, right? Asking if you can talk to a girl you don’t know means you’re already talking to her. I often open by saying, “Can I say something to you,” but by then I’ve already given myself permission to approach. Even if she looks busy or serious, experience tells me there’s good chance she’ll love the interaction. I mean it when I give girls the option to *continue* talking w/ me, and they often say no… but then again, they often say yes, and I’m glad I didn’t wait for consent to open. The closest thing you’ll get to consent in daygame is eye contact, and even that is totally unnecessary.
So yes, you’re allowed to approach. And yes, you should be working on your skills at reading a woman’s reactions. And yes, when in doubt, treat her — and yourself – honorably, and you’ll be on the right path.
To that last point, I would bring up Chocolate Milk Girl. Wow.
She was little, and I like little. She was Indian, maybe? Short, tiny, punkie Converse shoes, maybe a nose ring, youthful hop to her step, with sexy hips to keep me focused. I swear, she was carrying a jug of chocolate milk in one hand, and a box of cookies in the other. Really, she was. It was precious and perverted all at once… I loved it.
I roll up w/ “Can I say something to you” and she flinches. Happens all the time. I didn’t have permission, and I’m this nasty-bad monster coming up to her on the sidewalk. She snarls a little bit, and clenches her cookies to her to small, but probably amazing, little boobs. I plant my feet and smile — which is an honorable approach IMHO. She says, “No,” with an exclamation mark behind it, drifting a little down the sidewalk, still snarling like a tigress protecting her cubs. I say, “Okay,” laugh a bit at her fierceness, lean back, and hold my place on the sidewalk… still checking her out. And then… and then she burst into an amazing smile.
It was a big, beautiful smile. One of the best I’d seen all day, and it started w/ a snarl! I didn’t ask for consent to open that pretty little girl. But I did ask for consent to continue once I started. And when she said no, my planted feet told her I would certainly accept that. Honorable. And then, she felt “safe,” and she got what was going on, with no defenses up, and she lit up as she drifted away from me.
That’s not a braggy-success story. I’m still in the early stages of my game and I bet I’ll be able to reel in girls like this as I get better. However, this story does a great job (at least for me) of showing 1.) You don’t need permission to open, and even if honoring some kind of consent is important to you, 2.) You can test for consent throughout the entire interaction, and 3.) Verbal reactions are not your only feedback.
Back to DJ — I think if he could see what happened with Milk and Cookies girl, he’d open up to daygame a little more. There it is, the “worst case scenario,” no permission, cold approach, rejection, and… she still smiled and that was a positive experience for that girl. For me to. It actually pumped my state a little… and I clapped and laughed as I loped back to my wing.
Viva Day Game.