Here is an idea that’s been kicking around in my head: Game isn’t as much about “what you do,” as it is about how you respond to her reactions to what you do. That is the main thing that separates beginners (that focus on techniques and lines) from really seductive men (that focus on feelings and responses). You will get better at seduction when you see Game as a series of reactions and responses.
1.) You make a move of some kind. Then there is 2.) Her reaction to your move. I want to emphasize the opportunities in the next part, which is 3.) Your response to her reaction. That is where most “good Game” happens. And then, you’ll know “it’s on” when 4.) She opens up or in some way recognizes your response. That is not simple (not necessarily), but when you’re watching good Game you’ll see it play out again and again.
I’ll give some personal examples below, but here is Jon Sinn with a demonstration that nails the concept:
“There is this girl, she’s my ideal physical type. I tell her I’m gonna hit on her, tell her she’s my type, tell her I like her, tell her I’m gonna have sex with her. She says, ‘Well, it’s not going to happen. I say, ‘We’ll see, I’m very charming.'”
— Jon Sinn
And he takes her home that night.
I’ve always loved that story. When he says, “We’ll see” he shows it’s our responses to her reactions that create real attraction. Even bad reactions from girls can create a space to show “good Game.” Sinn has killer responses to her reactions and he wins, again, again, and again. And he gets the girl.
Let’s dig in.
The “dance” between men and women is a sequence of steps that goes 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, etc. Move, reaction, response, and recognition. It plays out over and over from pickup to the bedroom to long-term relationships.
Every beginner wants to know, “What do I say to girls?” He wants to know how his opening move is going to win over the girl. But that isn’t really what happens when a man is smooth with a woman. The Game starts when she reacts to him and he begins to show her that he can feel her and respond to her.
The purpose of this post is to get you to see the flow of the four parts. And to anticipate moving through them with girls. And specifically for you to put more emphasis on seeing her reactions and really using what she gives you as you respond. That’s where the magic happens.
A little more explanation:
You make a move. All of our moves (social, conversational, sexual) are a kind of “penetration.” We penetrate her day on a daygame approach, or the group in a nightgame set, or penetrate her body during sex. Penetration is the move; a key element of masculinity. But if that is all you understand… you’ll be this lame robot throwing moves and techniques at girls. That “move oriented” thinking is not sexy because you’re not involving her. You’re trying to “do Game to her” and that’s not how good Game works.
After you make your move, she has some kind of emotional reaction. She feels something and the dance begins. Beginners think the move is important and that she has to like it, but that isn’t required at all. She can like it or hate it, but as our move inspires some feeling in her, she will indicate that in her reaction. Focus on this part. To get better, tune into her reactions (on the pickup, in bed, etc).
Let’s say you’re getting better at noticing the reactions you create in women (great start). Now what? Can you “catch” her reaction and then do something with it in a way she can feel? Can you show excellent timing as you do that? That is where there is a big separation between beginners/intermediates vs men that have real skill with women. Game is about creating a reaction, and then doing something with that reaction via your response. Artful responses are at the center of effective, beautiful seduction.
And the last part of the dance is when, after you responded to her well, she opens up to you or recognizes that you made her feel good; she “likes it.” The recognition that she likes what you’re doing will usually be non-verbal; she’ll laugh, or relax, or she touches you or begins to surrender in some way. She’ll give you more room to seduce.
While some girls hook early, very often girls get into you after it’s gone back and forth a little. Game goes beyond “moves” and becomes “personal” as you respond to her specifically. Real attraction (and trust) happens when you demonstrate that your Game is built around her and the moment. She “opens” because she can feel that you are capable of responding specifically to how she feels.
There is a lot of opportunity for mastery here. Put more of your attention deeper into the interaction. Notice the feelings you create in her with your moves. “Listen” for information in her reactions about how she is feeling. After you’ve genuinely felt her, you’ll take the vibe deeper when you show her that you feel her.
Let’s get specific:
One thing I see a lot in my Game is that girls often “jump back” (in small or big ways) when I open. Does that bother me? Not at all. Because I know that when I “catch her reaction” and show what I noticed in my response, I have a lot of room to create connection and attraction.
Here my move is the approach. I approach the girl. (Assuming she doesn’t reject me,) she might love it or she might feel nervous and cautious. Both are pretty normal reactions. I can work with both.
Let’s say some nice girl is walking along, she is “in her head,” and I come around her to deliver an approach. She might be surprised; she might “flinch” or jump back, etc. That might sound odd to some guys, but if you’re a big, scary, older American (like me) approaching a lot of cute, little, Japanese girls (which I do all the time), it happens. I have dated and fucked sooo many girls that “flinch” on the open, and that is why I think this is such a good example of the point of this essay.
So, I open. She jumps back or recoils a little and… that is her reaction. It’s easy to notice. And I do. How do I show her I can feel her and begin the dance?
I will watch how much she pulls back, and then I will step back also, kind of matching the space she created. That’s my response. If she pulls back 6 inches, I can just rock back 6 inches as well – immediately. If she takes a full step backwards (also happens all the time), I also take a full step backwards (immediately, the timing is important). I am showing I can feel her. I create a specific, well-timed, response to her reaction.
I can add here that if she “flinches,” I give her space but I am still Gaming. Just because she is surprised or nervous doesn’t mean anything is “wrong.” I don’t act alarmed or apologize. I immediately accommodate her (which is sensitive and good Game), but I stay calm. Maybe better than calm. Maybe as I give her a clear response I also show that (even under pressure) I can be charming or horny or both.
At this point I’ll often see the last step unfold: I will see her relax. Even these girls that “jump” when I open them will often relax (or become attracted) as I give them a smooth response. They often relax immediately when I step back and give them a little space.
If she has an emotional reaction to my moves (on the pickup, or at any time in our relationship), and I notice her reaction, and I adjust to it with a clear response, and she FEELS me respond specifically to her feelings… just like that, she has (some) proof I am not clueless or dangerous, and she the beginnings of some basis for trust or turn-on.
And, and… If I can see her start to get attracted, I can kind of nod my head like, “yeah, yeah, we both get it.” And she’ll smile. And that can make it really “on.” See it? When she relaxes (a reaction), and I “wink” in that moment (another response), I am not just doing moves, she can feel us working together.
There is no “trick” here (I don’t believe in tricks), this is actual social skill. This is deep, effective “calibration.” You can learn it. This is good Game.
A SPECIFIC EXAMPLE:
In June of this year, I was on the phone and a girl passed me going up the stairs.
What an amazing body she had, with this hourglass figure and an old-fashioned umbrella hanging off her arm. Her long, tight skirt constricted her stride and made her kind of shuffle as she walked. I was turned on. I came up the stairs behind her, came around her as she stepped outside and I approached…. a little out in front, a little to the side, slow, one hand out, low, palm down. And, she “flinched.”
She pulled her little hands up to her neck (classic feminine defensive posture). She recoiled a little. And I gave her space, immediately, pulling back about as much as she did. I smiled, and kept my Game flowing. And she noticed that space, she felt safe to check me out, and as she did, she calmed down.
That was a “round” of the dance. So I began another round, said a few words, gave her “the eyes.” She reacted by giving me more time, more room to Game her. I felt her reaction, I responded by slowly stepping into her. She was recognizing something she liked, and was getting interested. I could see that. And, in response, I took her number.
And I fucked her 10 days later. Was she a little afraid of me on the approach? Yes. Was she into me a few minutes later? Yeah. I dated her for a few weeks, had her over several times, sex was fantastic.
That kind of “jumpy-start, strong finish” is a common way for a seduction to go down. Things turn around. She gets into the guy based on how he “catches” her reactions. This kind of thing happens a lot… but it only happens to guys that can stick around through some tension.
And speaking of tension…
Let’s take the concept one layer deeper. Same dance, but all playing out on another level.
In the example above, I made my move… and the girl (at first) was something like “scared.” The approach was emotional. That emotion added tension to the scene, and that tension can be a lot to “hold.” If her reaction is “caution,” but my response is to “hold that emotion,” to “catch her” in a calm, grounded way… I might turn the set around.
The specific moves will vary. but holding tension itself is a kind of response. Can you see that?
“You can get rejected, and still get the girl. You can get rejected a bunch, as long as you don’t take it badly. What happens when guys get rejected is that they let it affect their state, and that is how you lose the set.”
— Jon Sinn
If a girl has a bad initial reaction, some guys might give up, or apologize, diffusing the tension (or “framing” it in a bad way). In his response to her reaction, he is showing he can’t hold tension.
But if I don’t panic, don’t feel any need to apologize, if my face stays open and interested, what I am showing her in my response is that… I can hold tension. I can be calm, even when she is emotional. That is an awesome skill to be able to demonstrate to a girl in real time.
A lot Game and attraction is impossible without creating real man-to-woman sexual tension. Your move creates tension, she might jump or squirm, you take that in, in your response you show her your capacity to hold her emotion, and… as she feels “held by you,” she can relax and open.
BEGINNER vs INTERMEDIATE vs ADVANCED:
A beginner is usually overwhelmed by his own nerves and is also overly focused on moves. He is usually too self-conscious, he can’t see beyond himself, he won’t notice information in her reactions, won’t catch what is there to be seen. Girls can feel his lack of depth.
An intermediate is more “slick” in how he delivers opening moves. He’ll not only create reactions in girls, but begin to welcome those reactions. He’ll be better at creating tension.
An advanced guy has experience; talking to hot girls is normal for him. He can be calm and attractive even under tension, and he puts more of his attention on her reactions (even subtle emotions in her). He can show clear, well-timed responses to what she is feeling in the moment. She might become delighted, or turned on, by a man that can create emotions in her, consciously, and then adjust to those reactions. That is a rare man, indeed.
ANOTHER EXAMPLE: Going for the Kiss
I have a girl out. Toward the end of the first date it’s time to “make it sexual” (if it’s not already). She isn’t showing me “green lights,” but I’m a solid guy, and I know that a lot of girls will be receptive long, long before they ever show me obvious signals. I step in, make it obvious I’m trying to kiss her. That is the move. Just like that, she no longer thinks “maybe he just wants to be friends?”
I love it when the girl reacts by throwing her arms around me and dives into the kiss. That happens maybe 20-25% of the time. But if she doesn’t? Let’s focus on less ideal circumstances; what happens if she rejects the kiss?
Often I will make a move to kiss her, and she either freezes, or pulls away. Very common. Her “freezing up” is her reaction. That’s it.
For my response, do I just smash in an kiss her anyway? That is a typical low-skill, mechanical, insensitive kind of sexuality. Not ideal. If she is thinking “wow, not yet!,” and I don’t see that… I will have demonstrated I can’t feel her emotions. That makes me less safe (which is not sexy). If I missed her reaction in the kiss, she’s less likely to want to be more vulnerable or take risks with me or get naked.
Insensitivity in your responses to her reactions creates sexual resistance. I can do better than that.
If she freezes, I want her to feel me respond right away. I want her to know I get it. I may pause. I often rock back a bit. I am communicating.
There is tension here – lots of it. Tension is good. I can just sit with it. I can try to “influence” the tension by holding it, but giving her a bit of space, show her I am not going to take that kiss until I feel she is open or ready. I might run my hand through her hair, and down her neck. And smile. No explanation (I’m not sorry, I like tension, and I want her, it’s okay to show her that), but my response will show her that I felt her reaction. I don’t talk about it, I just demonstrate that I can see it… it’s in how I respond.
She may not feel “safe” or “comfort” but she should know things aren’t “out of control” and that should help her relax or maybe open.
Then I might just go back to talking, or purposely walk across the room, get a glass of water. And then…
Another round. I walk back over to her, step back in, thigh to thigh, maybe leaning back a little at the waist. Heavy eye contact. I kind of expect her to get it by now. “Here we go again,” but this time, she has some evidence that I can feel her, that I am making choices based on her feelings (none of this is verbal, it’s all demonstrated). I get real close, I look at her, maybe really close, watch her…
The activity I am doing now is not “trying to kiss her,” but is “actively reading her reactions.” I love this part. It’s hot.
When I feel it’s there – “You’re ready now, I can see it” – I kiss her.
It’s going to be different each time. Look carefully, show her – in how you respond – that you can see what is going on for her. Yes, you should make a move. And then really watch her. And then show her you can see what she is feeling.
So, that’s it.
All of this is micro-pattern (very early) as to what she can expect deeper into the relationship. How you do anything is how you do everything.
I could do 100 more examples, but a man that is this responsive on the sidewalk… is more likely to be at least this responsive in bed. Sex… works in exactly this same way (more so, more intensely).
Make a move. Expect a reaction. Notice her reaction, and respond to it (preferably non-verbally). And when you do that in smooth ways, you will prove you have a skill most men do not.
Girls can definitely tell the difference between men that can notice and quickly adjust to her reactions and those that cannot. Girls open to men with these skills.
This is good Game… really broken down.