Metaphors: The Secret Society and Train Stations
From Rivelino and I in the comments of a recent post:
“I’m still in awe at how quickly ‘strangers’ can touch each other’s lives.”
so beautiful and so true.
When Riv picked out that line from my most recent daygame lay report, it reminded me of parts of this story that I am still trying to mentally unpack:
“As I was driving Miss Lips to the airport last night after our long date, I said “why were you so comfortable spending two days with me when we barely know each other…”
As I started to write the post about that girl… my initial idea was to tell that story from the point of view of “the Secret Society.”
I love the concept of the Secret Society. I think about it all the time. In the case of my story of Miss Lips, RSD Tyler’s post wasn’t the right vehicle for the details of she and I.
But I like Tyler’s theme very much. Here is where I want to go with it:
In the Secret Society… rich interactions with “strangers” (established quickly and easily) are normal. The members of the Secret Society (players and girls) know this to be true.
When you live in the world of the Secret Society, fast, rich experiences — like a “50 hour date” with a “stranger” — are normal. Normal for the girls, as they’re used to interactions with smooth guys. And normal for the players, as they *are* the smooth guys and they’re used to making this kind of thing happen.
When it comes to mating and dating… it’s not exactly that “anyone in the Secret Society will do.” Members are not simple, “interchangeable” parts. But fast-seduction happens so easily for members of the Secret Society, because they share a special way of looking at the world.
Which reminds me of my personal metaphor about my opportunity (and responsibility) as a man: My life is a “train station.” I am at the center of that train station, I am the center of my life. To be the center of your life is an essential thing for a man to understand. I am the train station, and the “trains come and go.” That’s how train stations function. That “the trains come and go” is also essential.
For members of the Secret Society, the nature of the train station, the trains, the ease of their coming and going, the ease of the “next rich connection” as each train stops… this is the how the world works. That reality is something members of the Secret Society share and understand and appreciate.
This is life in the Big City.
To make this personal, Miss Lips could step deeply into my life, and do so easily, and so quickly, because she is a girl… and “all females” are in the Secret Society. She is in the Secret Society, so this all makes sense to her, in the same way the daily commute makes sense to a city dweller. And as she can see I am in the Secret Society, we are like amorous neighbors, and she can connect with me easily. This is normal.
And I am a man of Game, so I understand the nature of trains. And I can embrace her — deeply and quickly — because I too am in the Secret Society. I wasn’t always in the Secret Society (most men are not), but I am now.
Members of the Secret Society recognize each other (mostly due to our non-verbal signals). It doesn’t take long to figure it out. And we treat each other very well. Intimately (in every sense). That’s the purpose of the Secret Society. “Good emotions,” as Tyler would say.
The coming and going “trains” is normal for us. They appear in front of us as we sip our coffee. We stand there, and the doors open up… people spill out. Often we see someone from the Secret Society (it’s the “sparkle” in someone’s eyes). That’s a lot of opportunity. We are very good at making connections, on the fly, even in that fast-paced world. Opportunities (for “good emotions”) are all around us.
And we are very good at letting go. People get off the trains, but they also get on and speed away. They leave the station in the same way they came, and often as quickly. Watching trains disappear from our life… also normal. Trains come and go. There will be another.
And look, see… there is another one right behind the last one. More opportunity. Not everyone is in the Secret Society, but lots of us are. Walt Disney is shocked. I am not.
For someone like me, seeing his life as a train station and the daily patterns of trains coming and going… I am learning this is how life works. Many trains, coming through our lives. We make connections. We let go. We go about our business.
And yet it’s not a “flat” experience. I may take some things for granted, but I don’t feel jaded. This is all still very emotional for me. I like the train station and I like the trains. I even like that they come and go.
But I still feel the impact of each connection. I still get excited when I see someone I like step off a train and into my station. I still feel some loss when someone I like disappears behind the doors of a train bound for somewhere else.
A train stopped. The doors opened. Miss Lips stepped out. We connected. We dated. We fucked. She stayed with me for two days. It was deep, but it happened fast. And she left on another “train” a few days later.
I know there will be another train tomorrow. This is how train stations work.
Somehow, these metaphors help the small, tender animal in me understand the past few days. And I may be sated and raw now, but my animal will chill out. The trains will continue to come and go. More trains, more opportunity, more connections, more goodbyes.
Greetings from the Secret Society.
“My life is a “train station.” I am at the center of that train station, I am the center of my life”
There. This is why my first advice to you and others is to get to a role in life where you’re at the center of the social interaction, it doesn’t matter if it’s a job or a hobby or a temporary position. What’s important is that you normal life gives you this base already, so you can grow on top of it.
If you have this archetype to grow from – that you’re the center, then “building alpha” happens on it’ own, if you know what you’re doing. It’s a natural process.
On the opposite idea – if your frame of reference is that the center is elsewhere, and you’re in the periphery, hunting, then you can never “grow alpha”, and all you see is girls, and value, running away from you towards some other center, likely towards another man.
So this is why I “oppose daygame”. The reason men get into game is because they are not train stations, they are not at the center, they are not tornadoes, girls and value don’t gravitate towards them – and in the occasion when it happens, they don’t “behave” like guys who are train stations, tornadoes etc, so they can’t retain it or produce enough gravity. So the last thing a guy with no center should be doing is chasing after others to take some of their value. All focus should be on growing a center. Using nature to help yourself.
I’ve seen guys trying game for a decade and not moving an inch towards growing a center. The community still fails at this – I just saw a MaxRSD promo for the Natural saying “you don’t have to change yourself to bang hot girls” and there’s the problem with everything. The truth is that you must change. The first thing that will need to happen is that you address your whole, real life, and figure that one out. If you don’t do that first, then the progress with the second goal (hot girls) will become impossible, and any progress will require that your life crumbles, rebuilds, then crumbles again as you adapt to the expanding reality. So either you change yourself and your life from the start and make it easy, or you change yourself and your life after being forced by reality pushing you back after you tried for long years and crashed, or when the new reality demands that now you become the center (which I infer is where you’re at).
“But I still feel the impact of each connection.”
Yohami – It would be foolish to argue against the sound ideas that you put forth here. Especially because I’m so new to the game. I have experienced this phenomenon of being the center/leader and the benefits it can bestow but…
There is also the phenomenon of the “Fake King”. I’ve been one, and it runs rampant in the fair city Nash and I call home. For example, founders of a small but growing startup, rightfully, had the whistle blown on them by a female employee. Basically they had a ‘sex room’ and created a sexually tense working environment. The rub: I’ve met these guys and on the street, ‘naked’, they would crumble.
Here’s the thing about daygame…it is one of, if not the most, intense social interactions you can have. Very little to hide behind. No booze, no titles, no social proof. What do you think this does to the rest of your social interactions ie. dealmaking in biz, organizing and leading at associations/events, etc. I’ll tell you what it does for me. It makes them delightfully breezy.
There is no easier way to getting laid then to outsource your alphaness to social hierarchy ie titles, labels, etc. It’s unquestionably good advice to getting laid, and ‘ahead’.
But it’s also the reason most self-help is bullshit for an individual’s particular situation. The hard thing is ALWAYS the path. Or said by another man, “The Obstacle is the Way”. If the hard thing is talking to women sober on the street. That is the way to go. If the hard thing is creating your personal ‘train station’ outside of game/women. That is the way to go. This addresses the issue of being a “Fake King”.
Focusing on your strengths and limiting your weakness is sound advice when dealing with external forces (business competition/career, sports, and war) but when the struggle is internal…you cannot fool yourself. It’s also why your advice to seek hard change is spot on.
The easiest way to a win, victory, or a notch is, undoubtedly, to be pursued from a position of power.
The most seductive thing in the world is to be desired or pursued by something that has the power of choice.
Now the questions are:
How is success defined by you personally?
What obstacle is in the way?
Why do you want it?
Now pursue it.
“they had a ‘sex room’ and created a sexually tense working environment.”
Yeah – they built a social trap so pussy would come to them so they didn’t have to change themselves.
That’s the product, right there. Thats everyones desire. “Learn game so you can keep being yourself, and bang chicks out of your league” or “Keep being a beta creep but use this trick to make girls into you”. The more artificially forced the more it will give you the creeps – and the fake kings in that story give me the creeps. But so does every PUA really. As long as you’re relying on something external you’re displacing the center and you can’t be it.
But you can use your external reality to change, because it’s a feedback loop. So these guys could have built the startup, learn to be dominant men, better, stronger, sharper men, and bang women on the side. Just that they didn’t want to change.
Now they’re probably being “changed” in the prison bathrooms.
>> The most seductive thing in the world is to be desired or pursued by something that has the power of choice.
Great line. Awesome.
Fucking A, that inspires me.
>> So this is why I “oppose daygame”.
I haven’t heard you go anti-daygame in a while. It’s almost refreshing. I’ve been telling my wings how hard it was last summer… when I respected you as much as I do… and I was struggling… but getting nowhere… and you telling me “stop the madness.”
That was a hard time. : ] I made it, though. *whew* It wasn’t easy. Still isn’t. But I’m “across the river” now.
Yeah… I am the center of my life. That means “the thing” to pay attention to (for me)… is me. Not any particular girl.
So my post isn’t anti-daygame (obviously… Long live the Daygame Gods!!!). If anything, it’s about not putting any woman at the center of your life. And in this case, about not worrying when “her train” pulls away, because the important thing — the goddamn TRAIN STATION — is just where it should be. And then, for bonus points… get so comfortable, one train leaving is a stimulus for curiosity about the next train that is coming in.
I believe men will get SOLID when they are the center of their lives. And you can be solid, centered, and cold approach on the street. No conflict there. We’ve said all this before.
And once you are SOLID, those approaches will be radically different than when you were not. That is the difference between last summer and this one… I am much more solid.
And… I truly believe (like TOO SOON said in his piece) that “doing the hard thing” can make you solid. That succeeding in daygame, can help you see your own potential to be solid.
It’s a catch22… you must be solid to get women to follow you. But it’s hard to feel “cool” when it comes to women until women are following you. And a players job is to hack that circuit, and build from there.
“It’s a catch22… you must be solid to get women to follow you. But it’s hard to feel “cool” when it comes to women until women are following you. And a players job is to hack that circuit, and build from there.”
or, in other words — to continue with my obsession with this word — doing a lot of daygaming and overcoming that fear of talking to girls can help a man acquire the EDGE he needs to be attractive to women.
Daygame is about the worst method to get “the edge”.
this is (1) nash and (2) yohami at their best.
a beautiful one-two punch on how to become a man, how to become a train station.
AT THE SAME TIME, this brings up an interesting question for me, one that has been kind of growing in my mind, based on some of your writing nash.
being that all women are part of the secret society, do you think women can be faithful?
>> being that all women are part of the secret society, do you think women can be faithful?
Short answer is… no.
I know it’s more complicated than that… but “faithful” is a painful concept. We mean “monogamous.” Mostly that’s what we mean…
Because I am “faithful” to you, Riv. You can trust me. But you and I, as guys, don’t have to be “monogamous.” We are allowed to have more than one friend, and that’s no conflict. That is more of a critique of monogamy than “fidelity,” which is even gnarlier.
Fidelity. Loyalty. Uggg…
Humans were not built for that. And that’s kind of whole point of this post. It’s so EASY to get deep with another human… to be intimate… to have the feelz in that way… so quickly.
Compare ^ this against a long timeline. And the ups/downs of a LTR. And the strains/pains of health/work/kids/money… someone is going to want a “distraction.”
For some reason or another… she’ll hook up with someone else. That odds of that go down with each year past 30, let’s say. Until she becomes involuntarily “monogamous,” even if her heart is still willing to stray.
I’m not mad about this… this is normal. This is the nature of humans.
Hot girls are humans with more abundance than the rest of us… so… more opportunity, more trouble.
“Because I am ‘faithful’ to you, Riv.”
i love you too, big guy!
“For some reason or another… she’ll hook up with someone else.”
“even if her heart is still willing to stray”
this is maybe the most interesting line in the whole comment, and maybe one of the most interesting lines in your whole blog???
the true romantic, the idealistic, right below the surface, just need to scratch a bit….
so…. does it make sense to say that the reason you don’t want to commit to one woman for marriage is because you don’t want to lose her heart, because it will eventually stray?
i know this is crackpot armchair psychoanalysis — but is it true??
>> so…. does it make sense to say that the reason you don’t want to commit to one woman for marriage is because you don’t want to lose her heart, because it will eventually stray?
I don’t want to get married BECAUSE…
— Most marriages end in divorce
— Most married folks don’t have sex
— I like variety
— I’m not excited about watching my “hot girl” get old, and not so hot
— Most married people live boring, “married” lives
The “she’ll fuck someone else” is barely a consideration. I don’t even have much evidence that women I’ve been with have fucked other guys. “The math” tells me they have. But I actually have zero firm evidence.
And my 7-year relationship… I actually believe she is the kind of girl that WOULD be faithful. And she as hot. And the sex was fantastic. And had a ton of money. And I loved her family… and I wouldn’t marry her.
And partly, as we started to look like a “typical couple” after seven years. The sex was getting rare (for complicated reasons). We had a lot of “baggage” after seven years. It was fighting. And jealousy (hers). Etc. It go “sad.”
I think most marriages are just that… “sad.” Stable, but “sad.”
i was thinking about that based on some stuff you were writing. i knew we talked before about how you don’t want to get married or have a family — and then we talked about good girls vs bad girls — and then we started talking more about loyalty…
“A woman’s heart is a deep ocean of secrets.” -Titanic
and then i saw that funny quote on the wall of a girl i just met, this very pretty american i met on the street yesterday. her friend posted it on her wall. so of course, i thought:
anyway, just thinking out loud.
of course, i am doing a twitter poll on this.
do you think women can be faithful?
i mean, #secretsociety is an incredibly powerful concept — and an incredibly scary one too, if you have a girlfriend or wife!
That’s why you gotta stay higher value all the time, no resting.
That’s why being the center and being really good at life has to be baseline.
Yohamis ontology is quite spiritual, with external and internal dualism over Game techniques.
I partly agree, for you mental point of origin, the core source of your power, kind of the shit that’s left when everything and everyone leaves you, has to be solid to be able to consistently and naturally apply game.
If you are an alpha already, those ‘new’ Game concepts will feel natural. If you still rely on others, have nothing sorted out, complain and think like an Omega/Beta, Game concepts will be a slightly narcissistic treadmill, blinding you further and further. At the same time, the incongruency and bulshittery is obvious for every hq woman.
[…] well, that and female LOYALTY. […]
[…] Nash said: […]
I had a mate who I was noticeably more happy with; it was a standout year of a quality never seen before or since. That was K, the now still dead girl who would orgasm spontaneously at the grocery store checkout line.
I had plans to give her a baby and a house that I would sometimes visit, after we were finished with our honeymoon period in a few years.
She understood when I explained to her that the main reason that I did not want to marry is because marriage kills passion. I didn’t spend a lot of time explaining the mechanics of how and why this happens, but just asked her to think of all the married people she’d ever met.
Girls WANT to believe that marriage can be passionate, but that simple mind exercise makes short work of the fantasy and replaces it with image after image of a gruesome, sad, boring reality. Marriages are not passionate.
I like passion.
People who prefer marriage can explain to me until I’m nauseous that passion is just a relationship phase. I don’t care about “growing up”. I care about passion.
I know lots of tricks to extend passion as long as possible. I’ve done it for well past the usual cut-off date of six months. With M we had growing very strong passion for over 4 years, and then a few years of declining passion after that while we were apart and seeing others. At our peak, four years into it, it was 2-5 times a day orgasmic and multi orgasmic tantric sex passion. And just holding her hand in the taxi cab amplified and reminded me of the love that infused my life. She still laughed with puppy dog eyes at my jokes.
If we got married her body would have no reason to seduce me with that. She’d get lazy about keeping me. She’d be out of “aquisitive mode”, and be into complacency mode.
Marriage is a great idea; as a carrot. Even when I explain that I’ll never marry, most girls refuse to believe it, and so remain in acquisitive mode. I thank the concept of marriage for that.
I like playing house, and I like everything that could be good about marriage. And I often get all of it.
But it’s a sand-castle, and the surest way to call in the rising tide is to actually get married.
>> If we got married her body would have no reason to seduce me with that. She’d get lazy about keeping me. She’d be out of “aquisitive mode”, and be into complacency mode.
I love this line.
Thanks again for your thoughts, Xsplat.
“Most married people live boring, ‘married’ lives” -Nash
i think this line is key. it sums up the other lines — and it also encompasses your great fear. of just being stuck with a person that doesn’t excite you. no sex. no variety. she is old. yeah, every man’s nightmare.
i guess if you also don’t want kids, then in a way, your logic makes sense.
“Days Of Game – An American guy with a passion for Japanese jaunting. Very frequent posting, split between war stories (including field reports that don’t result in lays) and theoretical discussion. Quite wonkish at times. LDM style but also talks a lot about RSD material.”
I saw his blog post “title” in my email box this AM… my ego was so into it… did a quick scan… and couldn’t believe it. Nothing like a nod from your hero.
Also… makes me wonder why American’s have very little focus on daygame. We all do it as an “afterthought” to the glory of “club game” and chasing bimbos with fake tits…
Where are my American daygame brothers?? Why don’t we write about this more?
Even though he’s retired… Viva Paul Janka… our US “World Class” example.