What an odd day for this humble daygamer. First, Heartiste wrote a post about a comment I made on that very fine blog (much respect to CH). They completely missed the point of my comment, but some of the readers got it. And then, after I made a comment on Chris Shepard’s thread, Chicken Little himself got after me for challenging his scared (cash) cow. This of course is all about the worlds most obvious concept: Muh Hypergamy!!!!
“When I see guys that get frothy about MUUHHH HYPERGUUHHHMEH… I increasingly read all that as signals of beta reality/paranoia. And a waste of our time as men to go over this again and again.”
I shake my head at this whole controversy. We are all much cooler than that concept. If this was middle school, I wouldn’t let that concept sit at our table.
The Manosphere is a loose configuration of guys, with a wide variety of viewpoints. Some of them brilliant. Some not so much. And some of them… are an intellectual dead-end. Muh Hypergamy is in the category of less-than-useful concepts.
Girls go after status and aren’t loyal. This has implications for society.
I get it. Yeah. If you’ve been in the sexual marketplace for more than a minute, you know that girls like status (or shiny things in general), and will swing toward benefits (perceived or real). Got it. It’s hard out there. It is. Good men will face many challenges. Opportunistic, disloyal women may be one of the many dragons we have to slay.
Who is really surprised about that at this point?
Do women branch swing? Yes. Of course they do. Should you assume loyalty from your girl. Well, probably not.
I assume every girl I’m dating is fucking someone else (or has, or will). I know that’s not always true (when I’m running very good game, maybe it doesn’t happen at all), but it’s a belief that keeps me “honest.” Don’t get me wrong, if I even get the feeling she is with some other guy… she is kicked to the curb. But beyond that, I’m personally not that worked up about it.
Meanwhile, I’m also fucking someone else. Of course I am. Afterall, this is the Secret Society. And I know how the Secret Society works…
“A secret society exists. Around 52% of people on this earth are a part of it. Of that 52%, 50% are women, 2% are men.”
— RSD Tyler
Tyler is saying that ALL WOMEN, and the class of men that earn the title of “players,” are the constituents of the Secret Society. I think he’s right (mostly right). And that’s ALL women. So yeah, branch swinging for love or profit is real. Again, I’m not surprised.
Most of the bitter betas that howl about Muh Hypergamy are that vast majority of men that don’t understand the Secret Society and are not in it. You can make a claim that you are holier than thou “Redpill Royalty” all you want, but if the “secret sexual dealings” of women are a surprise to you, perhaps you’re not as advanced as you think you are.
Hypergamy is women looking for the best offer. And very often, that despicable “better offer”… is one of us.
That’s the fatal flaw in the withering panic of Muh Hypergamy. Strong men are the real source and power behind that dynamic. If we weren’t better than that other guy… what is her incentive to swing?
Without alpha Players and Patriarchs, hypergamy doesn’t exist. That is the truth about that silly concept. Hypergamy is about men, not the whims of little girls. It’s about us. We are that “better offer.” This is actually what it means to be alpha.
That is a different take on it, isn’t it.
Ironic, isn’t it? All day long the manosphere is high on alpha, but then shivers with the thought of Muh Hypergamy… when those concepts are two sides of the same coin.
When we look at the sexual market place through the beta-lens of Muh Hypergamy, we’re being reactive, and small. That is the position of doubt. Only the fear peddlers benefit by pushing that narrative. You should turn your back on that concept forever. It is not helping you.
Personally, I’m increasingly bored by this concept. The real version of hypergamy is that men of game (precisely because we are about working on our value) are the benefactors of that phenomenon. Us, and the girls in the Secret Society (= all girls).
Yeah, some guys get burned. Maybe more so in modern times (although I’m not convinced that’s true… maybe the Secret Society is just a little less “secret” these days). And I feel for those guys. I want them to wake up. And I want them to find more useful strategies than the ones offered by Chicken Little and his crew.
And we already have a solution for that. In fact, getting burned by a girl is often the wake up call that brings men into game. It’s a phoenix-like moment, and it is the redpill rebirth for so many guys. It was for me. Not because I got burned (I’m sure I did, I just was too “asleep” to see it), but because I read about game and I wanted in. I wanted my spot, so I did what good men do… I earned it.
(In some ways, I see Muh Hypergamy as the men’s culture equivalent of SJW red-faced desperation and entitlement… guys wishing for “fairness” and “equality” in the SMP. Sad. And not gonna happen.)
And it’s a pity that this concept saps the energy of so many of our brothers. All that thrashing around, completely wasted energy, ranting against “gravity,” instead of learning to swim with the current of human evolution. Biting our nails and chanting “Muhhhh Hypergaaammmmy!!” over and over is not the answer.
The alpha path is a much better solution. Or introvert sigma style, if that’s a better fit. The path of game. And if not game, something like traditional Patriarchy. Both will work to give a man currency in the SMP.
For those guys that are addicted to that nonsense… hooked on Chicken Little’s crack… what exactly do they get out of that concept for their efforts? They get nothing. It’s obvious. If hypergamy could potentially rob them of a connection with a women, endlessly masticating on the concept itself robs them further. It’s Buddhism’s “second dart.” It’s insult to injury. It’s a sickness to continue that patter.
I think the popularity of Muh Hypergamy — the functional “utility” of the concept — is that men that are looking to grind their axe about society, or women, or their divorce, or their low SMV… can use the concept as fuel for their bitterness. And as an excuse to give up. It’s fuel for the MGTOW class. That’s not us.
And I’m not trying to mock those guys. I feel for them. And for any man that is stymied and frustrated by women. And that is the point of this post:
How can we take the possibility of a woman branch swinging, or the fallout of such an event, and grow as men?
Or better yet:
What other strategies are there that would get us what we want, without ever having to drink Chicken Little’s poison “cure?”
Back in college I read Steven Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Like most books, I forgot 99% of what I read, but I do remember this part:
“Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. ”
— Stephen Covey
Huh, that sounds pretty good.
I have better things to focus on that Muh Hypergamy, but if I was looking for a way out of that morass… to me that says it all. But I’ll keep going…
Muh Hypergamy is desperately reactive. It’s about being at the “effect” of life and those girls choices… as opposed to being the cause of events in our lives.
“Be at the cause, not at the effect.”
— RSD Julian
I love that line. Endless magic in those words.
How is Muh Hypergamy being at the cause of anything? It’s not. It teaches men to worry about things over which they cannot control, in an almost hysterical way. If your whole business model was about selling fear… you might like pushing that kind of thinking. But if you want what’s best for men, you might scratch your head at the billions of collective hours we’ve spent rehashing that topic… if we can’t do anything about it? It’s most literally, not in our control.
More importantly… is that the way real men put their limited time to good use? Is all that hand-wringing the path of a Patriarch or a Player? No, it is not.
“Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern–things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather.[.. Muh Hypergamy!!!]”
— Stephen Covey
It’s about knowing the difference between life events we can only get anxious about (our Circle of Concern) and the things we can actually do something about (our Circle of Influence).
What a girl does… we have zero control over. We have some control over why she might make a move (=our value, or lack of it), that is true. And we have even more control over our own mindsets and SMV. That later part is where our opportunity lies.
It’s interesting to note that men that give solid, practical advice in game don’t talk about that concept much. Think of the guys you know that are the best with women… how often do they preach “hypergamy?” Rarely, if at all.
Why would they? It’s a fear based strategy that makes you smaller. It’s “away motivation.” If game is about growth, we need a different path. We need “towards motivation.” We have to be FOR something.
Part of that “towards motivation” might be to try to be the guy that that girl goes after… but that is its own kind of middling strategy. It’s basically reactive too. Like Muh Hypergamy, it puts her actions at the center of our lives.
The way you deal with the potential reality of some girl branching swinging (which is always a possibility), is to be a high value man. Period. To live life for yourself. To man up in all you do. To be up to “big things.” To keep your edge sharp, always. And… to hone your game.
I have recent experience of losing a girl… and it was having options and game that was my solace. And it worked.
If game is a delivery mechanism for value… the value is where it all starts. First value, then game.
There is no such thing as security. But working on value and game is how we can be anti-fragile in the face of uncertainty.
For all the lamentation about Muh Hypergamy, some guys are winning in that game. If you’re getting laid a lot, you are hypergamy. You are that shiny thing.
It’s an obvious fact that you can be on the winning side of that equation… at least some of the time, with some girls. If you make your life about you (not the girls) and you arm yourself with useful concepts (that lead you, boldly, toward something), you have a life worth living. Chin up, chest out. That’s attractive. And that kind of life will attract a range of upside: including friends, business, family… and even YHT.
Yes to that. Feels better, doesn’t it.
Beyond just feeling better, the path of the Player and Patriarch goes beyond the bitter, lonely protest of the Muh Hypergamy advocates… working on value and game is real. It’s a plan with teeth. It’s action (and Pook likes action).
If Muh Hypergamy is about girls swinging to a better offer, the untold story is that some man, in fact, IS that better offer. We can be that man. We already are, much of the time.
Onward and upward.
Here’s to working on ourselves. To increasing our knowledge of (and first-hand experience with) female psychology. To choosing strategies that carry us off in productive directions. To “being at the cause, not at the effect.”
That’s the man I want to be. And I’ll look for leaders and others in this Tribe of Men that take me toward the light. Hopeful, bold, badass men.
Let’s get into the light. And bring our brothers with us. Once we’re there, don’t be surprised if there is plenty of “miniskirt” to go around.
I don’t care how often Chicken Little says it…
The sky is not falling, gentlemen. And it is by our own effort that we ensure that that is so.
Here’s to proper Players. Here’s to powerful Patriarchs. Viva daygame.