This post has sort of spiraled out of control, but has been fun to write. I’m going to showcase some ideas from Paul Janka here. I’ll present him as one case study in the wide range of approaches we might learn from as men of game. He can be a controversial figure, and I like that about him. He is also a smart and deep guy, one of the most important influences on my understanding of game. And a man I respect, very much.
Before we get into the post, here is a little back story on Paul.
You can get a free copy of Janka’s original ebook ^ here.
Paul runs a different version of daygame vs the London guys, but he’s doing the same thing we all love to do… cold approaching girls on the sidewalk.
Here is a sample:
“Prior to recognizing how effective a system for getting laid could be, I would take my opportunities where they presented themselves: poolside at a wedding, on the Chinatown bus between Boston and NYC, in a cab, in Central Park.”
— Paul Janka, “Getting Laid in NYC”
Notice he makes no mention of “daygame.” When he was on Dr Phil in 2008 he was calling it “street game,” but at that stage of his career, this was just “meeting women,” his means of “getting laid.”
“I’d say that 90% of my game takes place on the street because I walk a lot (also keeps me thin and fit, a must for the hustler) and that’s where the girls are.”
“Here, in NYC, they flow by like sardines in the ocean.”
There are some lines from Paul’s original work.
He’s right. I had a chance to do some NYC daygame last October. There are so many girls there, it was a type of “pussy paradise” for me, beginning with that sheer volume of opportunities. That’s where Janka cut his teeth.
“In New York, we used to walk down 9th Avenue, like on a Saturday afternoon… And we’d just cruise down for like three or four hours and we’d collect numbers. Which was the first stage, obviously, of the whole process: texting them, getting them back to the place, etc.”
This ^ quote is from an interview he did in 2012 with the Street Attraction guys from London, seven+ years after he wrote his original “pamphlet.” That interview is also a very good look at Paul’s thinking. I’ve sampled a lot of quotes from that talk for this post.
Back to his first book:
“I have never done online dating. I can’t recall the last time I was set-up. And after a few retarded episodes with blind dates, I refuse to do that. All my pulls are in the flesh, and I’m aggressive. I believe it’s a lot about chemistry, and a privilege of males is that you get to choose. If you see something you like, go after it.”
Ummm, yeah. I like that. Go daygame. And as Janka owns that “you get to choose” mindset, he shows he’s among the rare men that see the sexual marketplace in that way. I want to learn from guys like that.
Also note that Paul calls himself aggressive. That will come up a lot in this post.
I see Paul as occupying one end of the spectrum. He is unapologetically trying to get laid. Fiercely so. And while he might go to extremes that are beyond my style, his mindset has shaken me up, and opened my mind to a perspective on game that few men can teach. He is very smart. Very articulate. And upscale. And the combination is fascinating.
lazy common “criticism” of Paul’s game is that he is good looking. He’s tall, Harvard educated, and looks to have come from money. “That’s not game,” some guys have said.
A nice thing about this post, is it’s focused on his ideas, not his looks. Below we’ll look at some of his concepts. I’ll give you a tour of Janka’s head, and you can decide for yourself if he has anything to offer this Tribe of Men in terms of insight and innovation.
I’m quite sure he does.
Before we dive into it, I should say that in addition to his ebook, and the interview, I draw heavily from a talk he did at the Morten Hake Summit (also circa 2012), titled, “Do You Know Your Role?” It’s an excellent talk, and one I have listened to over and over… including last August while I was on a long drive. And I was once again shocked at the unique perspective and relevance of Janka’s mind. As I gain experience, more and more of what he talks about makes sense to me.
I don’t know how you can find a copy of that Morten Hake talk for yourself, but that is actually where I started with this post… I’ve been meaning to write more about him. And as I wait out my head-cold here in Tokyo… I personally transcribed a lot of the best lines from that presentation to share with you here. You’re welcome. I’ll use even more from that talk in future posts.
And the last bit of the setup for this piece is that it was inspired by something my friend Rivelino posted on the Twitterwebs:
“What no man should be doing is pushing past a girl’s resistance point as a strategy for getting laid. When in doubt, ‘Come here’ and let her come to you is better than ‘Here I go, reject me if you don’t want it’ move.”
— Rivelino (@alpharivelino) January 7, 2018
When I saw that quote, I felt a sting of familiarity. Not only because I have ridden that line myself, but also because I remembered when I heard Yohami say it.
Janka might contextualize Yohami’s words as being about LAST MINUTE RESISTANCE (LMR), a concept most of us know relatively well. In this post, we’ll take a look at the kind of moment Yohami is talking about above. And we’ll see how Janka sees it.
This is gnarly topic, and this has been an edgy post to write, but this is exactly the place for this kind of discussion. And we’re the men to have it.
“It’s good to talk about this stuff, actually…”
Yes, it is. Every player I know brushes up against LMR at one point or another. It’s in those touch-and-go moments when we are working to close the deal.
“Last Minute Resistance… This is the single-most nerve-wracking moment in the seduction of a girl so expect her to act a little out of character even if she wants to have sex with you.”
— From Daygame Infinite, Krauser’s advanced daygame textbook
Yep, we all know LMR.
I was there myself less than two weeks ago with the Korean girl in my bed on New Years Day. And to be honest, I am still conflicted about what went down. Did I push too hard? Did I not push enough? She kept trying to put her panties back on. In some ways I felt a little like a bastard after she left my place. And at the same time, I feel like I might have let her down. Maybe it was up to me to fuck that girl, and it was my lack of nerve that couldn’t get it done? Maybe I went too far? I don’t know.
That kind of ambiguity is what this post is all about. We’ll let Janka take us through it. Let’s dive in.
Here is some Janka material I used to respond to Riv’s Tweet:
“It’s cat and mouse. She has a comfort band… push up against that. We’re the men, right? Guys have been pussified.”
Here we are starting to get a hint at Janka’s potential to be controversial.
“You should know what the law is, and if you’re horny, push up against the law. Don’t rape the girl and don’t go crazy. A lot of guys don’t take the shot. And the guys that do take the shot are the guys that sleep with all the attractive women. Women will take a lot more pushing and lot more bold behavior than probably most of the men in this room realize. If you push that, that’s what turns a girl on. We’re animals. This audience could benefit from being a little more assertive.”
That ^ is edgy. That is the line I heard in August when I listened to his talk on my drive that made my eyes pop open. It caught my attention. And that kind of thinking puts Janka beyond a lot of guys in the community. And he is consistently like this.
Is that too much? I mean, he’s right. There is the law, and we can use that as a boundary. And he’s also correct about what it takes to have more than your share of sex with attractive women… you have to “take the shot.”
How far do you take that line of thinking? And is that the question we should be asking? Yohami might steer us in another direction altogether…
And yet there is also a very real “danger” of being so overprotective of the girl’s “virtue” that we rob both the girl and ourselves of a good deal — “snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory” (as a friend of mine likes to say).
“Oh, another nice guy.” “Fine… but boring.” “Safe… but unsatisfying.” And maybe that was your one and only shot. Maybe you missed your chance… not because she is leaving town, but because she’s not interested in you anymore after that. She knows plenty of nice guys. “Respectful guys.” Maybe you never see her again.
This is a proper dilemma… and both horns represent a chance to make a type of error. “Too much”… or “not enough.”
“Women respond to bold… why do 5% of the guys fuck 95% of the women… because the guys that put their hand up their crotch in a full, crowded bar, while she’s talking to her best friend, and she pushes into it, and it turns her on, that’s the guy she wants to fuck, not the guy that’s waffling around. When you’re bold, you signal something to a woman.”
Janka isn’t talking about the bedroom here, but he is making the same point.
“…he desires her. No! He is bad news! She can’t resist and is swept off her feet on a tidal wave of breath-taking excitement.”
— Also from Krauser’s new daygame book
What does it mean to “sweep her off her feet?” That’s not the same as “jumping into our arms,” is it?
^ These are different things.
I cited Janka as “counterpoint” to the Yohami’s quote from Riv’s tweet. And I’ll take this moment to say I think Yohami is pointing to being a kind of “attractive” that may be far superior to the kind of game that Paul is representing in those quotes. Yohami wants us to be super solid, to be the “masculine magnet” that draws girls to you… so there is no LMR. That is ideal.
I like this… and the true “come here” line, where you actual hold still and make her come to you… is a standard I judge myself by. And I’m not there yet.
— Nash (@DaysOfGame_com) January 7, 2018
It’s true. Another bow to Yohami for his leadership in this community. I think he is right. And he is an incredibly rare voice.
“If you stop being willing to push against a resisting girl (which means acting before time, therefore making her push the breaks and take control), and instead tease and then double down when she’s aroused (which means she never pushes the breaks, and you have control) you’ll likely stop experiencing this stuff.”
My game is not that bad, but I need to read that again and again. This ^ is where I want to be. I’m working on it. That is A+ game. I want that kind of game. That is Top Guy.
But a lot of game, real game, worthy game… is played in less ideal territory.
I want to acknowledge the place where most of us are at, something less than Yohami’s level of skill (and insight). I want to get into the trenches of the experiences most of us have with girls. Girls that might fuck us, but don’t exactly clamor after us. Girls that say, “no, no, no,” over and over (I have seen that many, many times), often on their way to true and juicy “yes” moments later (I have seen that as well).
How do you know when “no” means “no?” Or when “no” means “maybe… but not tonight.” Or when it means “maybe, but it depends on what you do next” (this is super common). Or when “no” means “yes,” but only for guys that get it. This is complicated. How do you know the difference? How do you get expertise here while staying on the side of giving yourself and the girl a good experience?
“I always knew what the law was. I wouldn’t cross the line but I’d come up pretty damn close to it. There were a lot of mattress battles… that LMR… wear her down to the point I fucked her.”
Another version of Janka’s approach and another incredible quote. Some of us might talk like that, at least some of the time. And even more of us have had similar experiences.
“I got her into the apartment, got us a drink and started kissing her. She put up some LMR for an hour or so.”
— Roy Walker
Roy knows what LRM looks like. LMR, yes… but the sex happens. Guy’s with real-world experience know that is not weird at all. We’re not talking about resistance every time… we’re talking about resistance to the FIRST TIME. Which is as symbolic as it is carnal.
I had one girl in Tokyo last year that gave me strong LMR. I did not have sex with her and she left mad. I had another girl, very strong LMR on two different occasions. I didn’t have sex with her either, but she loves me. We talked all year while I was back at home. She pinged me on this trip, as soon as I arrived. And Miss Tease said “no” the whole time, as I wrestled her clothes off. We fucked. She praised me over and over afterwards, saying she loved that I was “rough.”
There are a lot of mixed signals. Between girls, but often from the same girl. And while there are some clear patterns overall, each specific combination of man, woman and circumstances is different. This is the reality of the dance.
In one of the quotes above, Janka makes a reference to “mattress battles.” I would expect Yohami to reject that concept. I think he would see this as “tussle.” And the behavior of Bottom Guy. The whole frame is a “fight” and not “seduction.”
“…she got you to reverse back to a frame where she’s not crazy about you, a frame where you work your ass up to her, climbing uphill. This Tussle frame.”
I think that’s a fair POV. Yohami is no pussy, he’s an aggressive guy too, and very much about sex. And I think when he steers us away from “the tussle” he is doing us a service. Pointing to a more “mature” game. Not “mature” as in neutered and compromised… or boring and conservative… but “mature” as in better. Where you get laid even more often, the sex is hotter, and everyone involved has a better time.
But if you read between the lines there, Yohami’s expectation is that she is “crazy about you.” That she should be coming to you, like a fan to a rockstar. “Bieber Game.”
But it’s not always that ideal. Likely because most of us don’t have the value (or the game) of a guy like Yohami. And other times perhaps because the girl has a more complicated relationship to sex than throwing herself at you. She is not going to simply purr when you put the moves on her. What looks to us like LMR is sometimes part of the seduction for girls like that. Maybe she “needs” a little bit of LMR. That is a normal part of “being taken” for her, and if you avoid those moments that is “rejection” or “boring” to her.
The Asian girls I sleep with tell me “no” almost every time. Not Miss Thick, but the Tokyo Queen (my former live-in girlfriend of over a year), would tell me “no-no!!!” when I would fuck her, almost every time… and I fucked her for two years. And she would even mock me sometimes, after sex, for not pushing hard enough. She did that when I backed off of fucking her in the ass the first time. She mocked me because I took her “no” seriously… even though her “no” was serious… she doesn’t like it in the ass at all… but she would lose respect for me when I cared about her feelings. That is a true story. Sometimes girls are like that. How do we interpret that?
When we back off… sometimes, it doesn’t feel like “respect” or “decency” to the girl. It’s the opposite. She specifically loses respect for you. Shit tests don’t stop at the door to the bedroom.
“When a woman can manipulate a man, it’s game up.”
— From one of the guys in that Street Attraction talk
He is saying that when she knows “you couldn’t get it done,” that’s who you are to her… another guy that couldn’t get it done. Contrast being in that category to being one of the guys that can “sweep her off her feet.” No comparison. Different leagues. I’ve been both.
Back to Janka:
“The girl will pace you. I would say, push for it.”
“A guy constantly presses. There’s a legal system, there’s a law. You can’t do certain things beyond it. And she’ll leave. What I’m saying is, you can press, but she can pace it. She can say, ‘yes, I’m interested, but not right now.’ Often beautiful girls are very good at pacing. They’ll pace you. They’ll let you push, but they’ll say ‘I need more time, I need more time.'”
I like this. This sounds real, like a more “reasonable” version of what Janka is saying earlier. “What I’m saying is, you can press, but she can pace it.” That is getting close to a perfect crystallization of the “dance.” This is exactly what happened with me and Chinese Fashion girl in New York (I did not fuck that girl, but I pushed it). I really like that bit as an accurate reflection of the reality of trying to fuck a girl for the first time.
“Women respond to guys that fuck ’em. I hate to tell you that.”
He is correct. Again.
“You’d be surprised… scale up what you feel comfortable, like 200%. They can handle themselves. A hot girl has been put in so many positions, where guys are assertive, she knows exactly how to step away, to deflect, verbally, physically, I wouldn’t worry about it.”
This ^ line reminds me of the epiphany I had when I wrote about Sundance’s lay with Math Girl.
She’s was 20. A conservative Chinese girl. She is a math major at a serious university. She plays classical piano. Sundance didn’t know it, but I had also picked her up via daygame, and got her out.
When she and I had our date, she told me she had dated some other guy that was 35 and very smooth (he was her first fuck). Other stories made it clear to me he was a player. In completely unrelated circumstances, Sundance picked her up, escalated hard on the first date and fucked her. She made a point to tell me she was the “relationship type,” but “relationship girl” had one night stand with Sundance.
That girl looks young and innocent, but she is not naïve. She has met, and dealt with dangerous men before. There was the older guy that took her v-card. Then dangerous me (and I’m even older than him). And if my wing and I both picked her up on separate occasions in the same month, we have to assume it’s normal for her to have players with real experience enter her life. Even at 20: how many times has she been pressed sexually by mature men that know what they’re doing? That is a LOT of experience. We men have no idea… because that shit does not happen to us.
A girl’s psychology is a complicated web of nuance and motivations. Not all the signals are easy to read or interpret. And yes… girls like to get “ravished” (girls use that word all the time, do you know what that word means?). We have seen girls “dance” with us in moments like this… I know I have.
“Talking about man’s need and right to behave normally. It creeps women out when we hide this stuff down. Look, a fully mature sexual woman, she can take care of herself. She knows the power she has in a room with her body and her attitude. She’s had plenty of sexual experience. Being a full mature man isn’t hurting anyone’s feelings.”
Again, Paul is dead on here. A girl’s sexual education starts much younger than ours, because she is getting hit on by aggressive, experienced guys, almost every day, from the moment she steps into puberty and fertility. By the time a given girl is in your bed, how many come-ons has she seen? That is a lot of experience. I’m still not sure I can personally appreciate the sheer volume of even a very young girl’s episodes of “education.”
“Fuck or get out of the way.”
I know guys that would call girls that want to date, but never fuck, “time wasters.” What Paul is saying is a bit harsh and direct, but it’s not weird. It’s not “only” about sex, but it is ALSO about sex. While men are usually pretty clear about what we want, girls do sometimes exhibit “game-like” behavior. They can be coy. They can hide their intent. They can extend subtle, conditional moments of opportunity, based on how well we handle ourselves.
Or they can live in a space of indecision. And count on us to help define their reality. And to lead them into territory they can’t get to on their own. This is the history of men.
And just when you think Janka is nothing but a cold-hearted psychopath:
“And of course, once you get through the interaction, and you’re both naked, after having sex, everyone loves each other, and it’s all warm and fuzzy and sweet.”
Janka is in danger of sounding romantic here… and that’s not weird either. This is also part of the story.
You have the stage of the dance BEFORE you part her legs… and then a very different stage after you’ve had sex. There is a co-mingling that happens post-sex that is often beautiful, but it requires something like a “breakthrough.” You have to “penetrate” her world, as Janka might say.
“It doesn’t mean you have to be an asshole, per se. But in the initial dance, someone has to break, and the guy should always break the girl. Meaning, she gives into your terms and you fuck her. If the guy gives in, and chases her, and doesn’t get anything, it never works.”
Janka is pointing to a lack of respect from women for men that “can’t get it done.” Does she not respect you, so you don’t get to fuck her? Or is it that you didn’t fuck her, so she knows not to respect you?
Janka’s language is drifting back into “tussle” here, but I find what he is saying terribly familiar. I call it “surrender.” I think that is exactly what this moment is all about, much of the time.
The “no”, the LMR, can sometimes be a test to see if you can get her to surrender. Not a deliberate test, but a functional one. She doesn’t necessarily know in advance, or even moment to moment, what the outcome of the dance will be. And she won’t always make that easy for you to navigate.
It is clearly not about force. I don’t personally think it’s about “the law” (although, that is the final guideline). It’s about how we handle ourselves.
Can we in fact hold our nerve, particularly under pressure? Are we at ease when the heat goes up? That level of mastery, of masculinity, of “soft dominance,” is sometimes the difference between token and real LMR. Between a makeout that goes nowhere and sex… and everything that is on the other side of sex. The joy. The romance. A potential relationship. This is the moment and there is a lot on the line.
“It’s just like horses, you gotta break ’em. In other words, you gotta break the girl, and tame her. Then you can be nice, and do nice stuff. But that dynamic has to be established right away, if there’s going to be any polarity, and any sex.”
Again, Janka dropping wisdom on us with those words. I won’t run off on another tangent but take note of the word “polarity” there.
But Yohami might have his own counterpoint:
“If you act from the ‘come here’ higher position, she still has the option to not go there, to do something else, to leave, it’s always her choice. But it’s never ‘I’m gonna keep pushing and you tell me where to stop’ (bottom guy), but ‘I’m having a party here, come’ and if she doesn’t that’s her problem (top guy).”
That ^ is probably the best line in the whole post. That is my goal in game right now. I want to be Top Guy. I want to be that man.
I think Top Guy is truly the place to aim for in this game. But I’m not there as often as I want to be. And in fact, a lot of girls are happy to be fucked by guys that exhibit EITHER Janka’s or Yohami’s style of sexual leadership.
It’s complicated. No one said it would be easy.
Whew. Okay. Edgy stuff.
Not all of us have the experience of Janka or Yohami. So how do we negotiate the edge? How do we navigate that space, before we have the reference experiences that would make that territory familiar?
I have some ideas, but first, here are a few interesting lines on the subject:
“The more the resistance you get, the bigger your step back should be. If the resistance is of a strong character, step off completely and take a little break and restart escalating from the beginning again. However, in cases where the resistance is lighter, you can just take a small step back before proceeding.”
— Alek Rolstad
That is great advice. It’s clear. “Of a strong character.” Is she giving you a mousy little “no… no…,” lightly brushing you off? Or is she firm and stern about it? I can see the difference. And this is a solid and very well-stated reminder.
I like Alek’s guidelines. And he has more to say:
“This means that you will keep escalating (physically, or verbally in the form of sex talk), but you will only give her ‘three shots.’ Which means that you will persist only three (3) times. After resisting your third attempt, you can be somewhat sure that she is most likely not into you and that you should better move on.”
— Alek Rolstad
Now we are getting very specific, and that’s helpful.
And this “three shots” concept is a good way of looking at it. I like it, because it’s persistent. You don’t shrink away at the first rebuff. This guideline gives us permission to “push it” (as Janka would say), to let her “pace us,” but we have some sense of what is too much. And when I look into my personal history, this is close to what I have done many, many times.
This feels right.
Here is another reference point:
“Even if you manage to blast through LMR and sleep with her she is very likely to get buyer’s remorse the next day and she may not want to see you again. Note that sex after strong LMR is not very good usually anyway.”
— Some guy named Rocky, from Krauser’s blog
Excellent points there.
And I can turn that around, make it about my POV:
When I’ve pushed really hard, and had sex, I’ve had more “doubt” about it. I’ll second guess myself, and that will take some of the joy out of it. I almost felt that way with Miss Tease… that was a complicated seduction, first-time sex with a girl I barely knew. But regardless of the complexities of a girl’s sexual psychology, pushing doesn’t feel good to me. I can win the battle but lose the war. Pushing too hard does feel like Bottom Guy behavior.
Rocky’s note also helps me see this more clearly.
Another question I have in moments like these is about a look of shock/fear/surprise on her face… I always use a girls non-verbal communication to help me make decisions. But it’s not always perfectly clear what those micro-expressions mean.
I really like to be dominant. But I am growing into that role, and I don’t have it all figured out. Sometimes I am very rough. Sometimes I am fierce. I enjoying making girls nervous. Sometimes I see that in her face. Sometimes that “fear” is part of the fantasy for both of us.
Here is a real and recent exchange between me and Miss Thick. I’m paraphrasing a bit to keep some personal details out of this… the first line is a reference to kissing her:
NASH: I want to break your lips
MISS THICK: You want to hurt the nice girl. It makes the girl scared…
NASH: Ummm, I kind of like that
MISS THICK: Me too
NASH: I = DANGEROUS
MISS THICK: I like you make me scared
I want to “hurt her.” She is “scared.” I enjoy that she is “scared.” She likes feeling “scared.” I am “dangerous.”
She likes all this. And so do I. “Negative” emotions functioning as happiness and sexual fulfillment… of the deepest kind when it comes to her and me.
In the context of an exchange between practiced lovers, this flows easier. But if this same exchange is with a girl you don’t know well, one you’re fucking for the first time… it’s heavy. There can be a lot of uncertainty. And some risk.
This is real stuff. It’s rare you can get a girl to spell out all the levels of psychology in so few lines as Miss Thick does above. She and I are role playing… kind of. But not really. I do like to see something like “fear” in her. And she does like to feel it. When I am less “scary”… it’s less hot for her.
It’s a “game,” but is a very realistic one.
A lot of this dance takes place on at least two levels: One physical and literal…. the other, symbolic and fantastic. Which part of the dance requires your attention? How do we best play out our roles as men and leaders in these moments?
As we start to wrap this up, I have one more note on this topic. Another tactical tip.
Lance Mason (of Pickup101) talks about dealing with LMR in one if his products. In moments like we’re discussing here, he said he would sometimes say:
“Oh, you’re right. And you know what, you should probably go. Because I’m, like, totally turned on by you. And how you feel matters to me, but I don’t think I can keep my hands to myself. You’re so hot. You should probably go.”
This ^ is a savage paraphrase of what Lance actually said, and my apologies for butchering Lance’s grace. But that is close to the point. It’s a bit like Janka’s “Fuck or get out of the way,” if perhaps a bit more civilized. It’s a sort of “agree and amplify,” and that is part of the magic of it. It has “push/pull” elements to it.
That’s good game.
And maybe, if she’s not willing to progress with you deeper into the relationship, maybe you’d rather have the rest of the night to yourself. I know I would prefer a good beer and some smoke to a LMR “matress battle.” Not always, but much of the time.
But actually, Lance said that the girl would often be very surprised at that line. Not many guys would help shoo her out of the bedroom. Lance takes the LMR and puts himself at “the cause” with this move. And the girl is suddenly “at the effect.” She is dazed by that reversal. And I like that too. It’s powerful.
Very Top Guy. Yohami likes Lance too. Lance is another guy worth studying.
And after he said that line, he would stand up, and feed her clothes to her so she could get dressed. And she would sometimes soften, and come to him, and he’d throw her down on the bed and give her the proper rogering.
Nicely done, Lance. And maybe beyond just tactics, this is really good mindset stuff.
Forget the girl (and what might be her sexual power games). This is about having respect for yourself. For not dragging yourself through this kind of drama. You said, “c’mere.” She didn’t. So you show her the door. That sounds closer to Top Guy to me.
“When I have certain terms… the guy who then breaks his own terms to satisfy her, what happens is, she doesn’t respond, he loses the girl and he loses his self-respect. So then he’s double hurt. He is without the girl and he feels he’s betrayed himself, because he didn’t want to do that. It’s always better to stick to what your terms are, and do what you want, and the girl and come and go.”
Lance’s move is a way of not compromising. We don’t have to fuck the girl, but that doesn’t mean we want to compromise either. Because sometimes compromise means you feel like you betrayed yourself.
And the whole thing is slick. No anger. No “freeze out” bullshit where you “check your email” and guilt or isolate her into fucking you… that’s not good game. Lance’s move is 1/2 calling her bluff, and 1/2 choosing to make better use of your time. It’s bold. It’s smart.
This is about us. Not the girls. What do WE want? If we can’t get what we want… what ELSE do we want? Let’s stick to what we want here. For each of us, we are the center of our world.
And his advice is very specific. You could combine it with Alek’s “three shots,” then she’s done, show her the door. That’s fair. And actionable.
And if she turns back and fucks you after all… great.
There is so much more I meant to show from Janka’s fresh and diverse range of contributions. He actually has some amazing things to say about relationships. I’ll tease you with this:
“I am 34, my girlfriend is 22, I want a big family… I have an idea of being the leader of my family. For me, it’s important I have someone of very high character. I need someone I can rely on. A flimsy girl is going to breakdown underneath me. I need a strong woman of high character. I want her young enough that she has a lot of child bearing years ahead. At 22, she can have a lot of kids. And attractive, good sex.”
He sounds like a proper Patriarch here and I respect him for it. The guy has range. He is surprising, in that he is so merciless when it comes to taking the notch, but that is not all he has to offer. He’s a poon hound, but he’s a solid man beyond just getting his dick wet.
If you can find his materials, he is very much worth studying. Highly recommended.
Alright… Janka, take us home.
“It’s all a male-sided thing… Men, by definition, are the ones who impact the life of the woman.”
This is leadership. And this ^ BTW, is a perfect synopsis of what I was trying to say in my Muh Hypergamy post. It’s never about the girls… it’s about us.
“That should carry through all the way. The theme of penetration. You gotta penetrate at every level, all the way to the sexual penetration. You have to penetrate her visual field, then her auditory field, then her, like, her stupid calendar… get in there. It’s from that very first moment all the way to actual sex. It’s not the woman’s job to do it. It’s the guy has gotta get in there. When I stop doing it, it’s not like they carry the baton. They are fundamentally indecisive and it’s the man who needs to go in and impact.”
How you lead the dance of escalation is ultimately up to you. In those moments in the bedroom, there is a leader… and there is a little girl. We’re in charge. Janka is right, it’s up to us penetrate her world. All of us with experience know she’s not going to do it for us.
Okay, that’s all I got.
I’m grateful to Janka, to Yohami, to Krauser, to Alek, to Rocky, to Lance, and to all the eloquent seducers before me, for sharing their experience. For being in every way… a light in the dark.
I hope very much to get a chance to “dance” with some girls on this trip. Now or in the future, there will be moments when it’s all on the line… for physical sex and symbolic surrender. And I feel a little more prepared for all of that now.
My thanks to the great Rivelino, once again, for inspiring this piece.