This is a concept I’ve been kicking around my head (and in conversation) for a while now: Performers, Critics, and Fans
This is about game, and the roles we play, and how they interact. I’m going to lay it out here, so I can refer to it easily.
As a guy, you’re a PERFORMER. You see a girl you like, and you start to perform. Maybe you are just radiating your masculinity, and that’s its own kind of performance. However, as you direct that performance to a girl, or a group of girls, the “dance” really begins. Imagine the girl at the bar, and the guy walks up, big smile, spits his game. He performs, and she… by definition… becomes the critic for his performance.
(Yes, women perform. But it’s passive. She rarely forces a conclusion. She is just advertising her existence, and then we step up and the dance begins.)
You can see the CRITIC, and you know her, by her body posture and (temporary) power in the “dance.” She leans back. If you’ve ever seen what the London guys would call the “Russian Minute,” she can take a full minute (and often will) just looking at you, not saying anything, as if you were on TV… that’s what a serious critic looks like. She’s evaluating. It’s built into the role you set up as you came over to perform. As you made your offer, she gets to evaluate it… she’s sort of forced to. In daygame, the “hook point” is the junction where her role as critic starts to mellow out, but until then… she is judging you, which is completely normal. Some “critics” won’t even check out your “dance.” They take a 1/2 look, spit you out, judged, found wanting, dismissed. That’s how it goes sometimes.
However, if you play well, you might convert the critic into the FAN. Imagine a jaded critic that sees a performance, and despite all odds, is actually interested in what she sees. She starts off leaning back, cynical, but begins to pay serious attention. She laughs at his jokes. She starts to lean forward. She blushes. She gets that tingle. She wants more… she’s even willing to pay for it. Even if the performer gets bored and wanders off, she’ll chase him around to get another dose of his dance. She’s hooked. She’s a FAN.
And just like that… they switch roles. And she begins to perform. And he begins to critique her. He was the performer, she slides into the position of being a fan, and he get’s to be the critic in the end. That’s a healthy role-reversal for a guy w/ game.
“Men advance, women retreat.
Men go to leave, woman blocks his path.”
I don’t know where that quote originally came from, but I got it from Tom Torero. And that jives with my performer/critic/fan model perfectly. He performs, and as the critic she “retreats.” As she is captivated, if he tries to leave, she jumps forward to block his path, ready for that – *eh hem* — “autograph.”
This also describes the paradox of chasing/leading pretty well. To “force a conclusion,” a man has to lead, often to a critic that is showing no investment. However, as his offer “hooks” her, she will switch roles and start to “do most of the work” as she becomes a fan-girl. It’s at that point that she chases him, but chronologically… it’s starts with him, in his role, as performer.
I once read this book (I think it was The Mating Mind) that talks about conversation in couples in evolutionary terms. Men, talk more (perform) in the beginning, as they are trying to get some skin. Women, talk more (perform) in the longrun, as they’re hooked, and/or are trying to keep a provider around. Just like that, from critic to fan. Makes sense to me.
I have a lot more to say about this dynamic, but I’ll stop here for now. Dudes… get to work! Go perform. Critics… part of the game. But “dance” well and get ready for fans. Get your performance down – quality and quantity – and fans, are, inevitable.