This Guy is So Interesting | Breaking Rapport Example
I recently wrote a post about “breaking rapport,” with lots of theory and quotes from PUAs. Here is a follow up where I reuse some of the quotes from my last post, and combine them with some specific examples from Vicky, Christina, Barcelona (a film by Woody Allen).
The scene I will focus on is of a man walking across the room to hit on two girls. I like the approach because it’s bold, it’s sexy (sexual men are rare), and it does an excellent job of showing how a man can become more attractive as he “breaks rapport” and demonstrates that he “trusts himself.”
Let’s review both rapport and breaking rapport:
Rapport is about “getting along” with others. A lot of rapport is about establishing a superficial comfort. While some of that is necessary to pickup, a little goes a long way.
If you can imagine a hot girl’s experience: Guys are always coming up to her, being nice, “kissing her ass,” complimenting her, etc. They are trying to establish rapport. There is more to Game than that.
Breaking rapport is way to help balance an interaction with a girl, to balance her perception of you, to balance the way you express yourself. If most guys are overly accommodating to girls (which is true), a rapport break can be a way to show more gravity and personality.
When you are willing to break rapport, you can go for what you want and be more honest about who you are. When you break rapport with a pretty girl, you show that you are comfortable with yourself in the face of beauty, that you are still “centered in yourself,” even as you feel desire for her.
A man that can feel free to do what he wants in front a of a hot girl is rare. It’s a sign that he trusts himself; a powerful thing to show a girl.
Let’s get into the approach:
Vicky and Christina are in a restaurant, having dinner. They are chatting, and Christina keeps looking over at a nearby table.
VICKY: Who are you looking at?
CHRISTINA: Isn’t that the painter we just saw at the gallery?
In this scene we have two hot girls, unescorted, out for dinner, having a good time. And Christina is really feeling her sexuality. Perhaps a little over-the-top in some ways, which makes it even easier to see the “dance” going on between her and the man at the other table.
And now imagine that guy, on the other side of the room…
He is at dinner, enjoying time with friends. And he is feeling the looks from the blonde… checking him out.
Here is Christina again, looking over at him. Can you feel the “hunger” in her eyes? She is into him.
That “look” is what we might call a massive IOI (indicator of interest). The desire is all over her face. You may notice girls are “more open” when they are with friends, when they “feel safe.” And in those moments, they can be more receptive, and even encourage an approach…
CHRISTINA: He keeps looking over here
VICKY: That is because you keep provoking contact
Is Christina provoking him? Or was he already staring at her? Maybe both.
You don’t need any IOIs to go talk to a girl. You will get 10X more action if you don’t wait for “permission.” When you are interested, approach. That is the path.
With that said: If you get one look, that is basically as good as it gets. If it’s warm and “hungry” like the way Christina is looking at him, that is incredibly rare. That is the equivalent of a girl “screaming” at you. For her to do it over and over again… well, it’s a movie and she’s overdoing it for dramatic effect.
CHRISTINA: I’m not provoking contact
VICKY: You are, you’ve been throwing little looks at him all night
CHRISTINA: I’m just drinking my wine
VICKY: Uh-hum, of course you are
Once girls are obviously talking about you (like in this scene), your job is to “go penetrate her world.” If you don’t take action early on, you’re being passive, you’re losing value. Get in there.
VICKY: Well, you must be doing something because he’s coming over
This guy… is more than ready. And here is where he starts to demonstrate “breaking rapport:”
This ^ is the look in his eyes as he walks toward them. Is he trying to be “a nice guy?” Sure doesn’t look like it. You can learn from this.
Let’s go through “push/pull” again:
He walks over to the girls. Approaching a girl is kind of expression of desire, it’s “showing interest,” it’s a kind of “pull.” He wants something, true. The girls will feel it. That is fine.
Does that mean he is “putting her on a pedestal? No. It is natural and cool for guys to go after what they want. It is also true that the more your approach is about what you want (versus wanting validation and acceptance from a girl), the more solid it will feel to both you and her.
He walks over to these girls, shows some “pull” (which is good). At the same time, the look on his face provides some “push” (also good). The balance of the two is part of good Game. He is interested, but he isn’t needy, he is showing plenty of edge.
“Breaking rapport is a form of attraction. It’s just a mechanism to start that attraction.”
This is how breaking rapport operates. He is going for what he wants. This is about him. And he isn’t trying to bribe these girls with “being nice.” He is “selling edge,” and testing to see if they are buying. That should feel good to him. That kind of vibe is attractive to girls.
This ^ is the look in his eyes as arrives at the table. And that look is most certainly “breaking rapport.”
JUAN ANTONIO: [slow, deliberate walk… creating tension]
JUAN ANTONIO: [breaking rapport expression on his face]
That look is pretty harsh. In a different scenario, that “look” could get you blown out. But in this scene, it’s perfect.
Let’s review the context: He is not doing a truly “cold” approach. They are in a safe environment. The girls have seen him being social at a party and at dinner with his friends. While I hate the concept of “social proof” (totally over-rated, not at all necessary), he did come over from a table full of people that like him.
The girls feel safe and are in a comfortable environment, so he can come in and immediately start to break rapport, beginning with this look on his face. That is the context. Context always matters.
Now, the dialog starts:
JUAN ANTONIO: Are you American?
CHRISTINA: I’m Christina and this is my friend Vicky
The way he opens these girls is also breaking rapport. It’s in his eyes, yes. But it is also because doesn’t do anything here that is typically or “polite.”
Tom Torero “famously” opens (every fucking time) saying, “uh, sorry…” as his opening line. That is pure “rapport-seeking.” It is unsexy.
“Rapport is unattractive because it’s what beta guys do when they can’t just fuck the girl.”
Here, Juan Antonio skips that “beta” behavior. He is effectively assuming that he can, in fact, just fuck these girls.
He offers no introduction, he just immediately asks a question, doing what Mystery would call “setting a hoop” for her to jump though. He is “asking for compliance.” It’s a “small hoop” (asking where they are from), but it sets a tone. And Christina does comply, not exactly answering his question, but she is playing along.
JUAN ANTONIO: [pauses, creates more tension]
JUAN ANTONIO: [more breaking rapport expression]
He breaks rapport again, by just staring and holding tension. A lot of good Game is played in silence.
A “nice guy” would offer his name in return; “matching” the girls, seeking rapport, trying to “connect.” Juan Antonio just stares. He is (almost) cold, dominant, and looks at them like an animal stalking his prey. He is not “negging” or trying to make the girls feel bad. He is solid, bold, and unapologetic. Good Game.
JUAN ANTONIO: What color are our eyes?
He is all about his agenda. It’s another “hoop” for her, a more personal one. He is just asking about her eyes, but if she “jumps through it,” he is starting the process of surrender (where she “gives herself to him”). And she is happy to play along.
All these things are “of a kind.” The breaking rapport, the slowness, the dominance, the constant building of tension. They are all signs of a sexual male. They are attractive in a way that seeking rapport (asexual), quick movements, and releasing tension are not.
This is the sexual marketplace, not the “being nice marketplace.” If you want to be more attractive, you can start to model these behaviors. That is the main thrust of this post.
Here ^ is the way he looks at Christina when he asks about her eyes:
He is still breaking rapport. But… can you see some “playfulness” in his expression? I can. And that makes sense: He is not kissing these girls asses, but he’s not actually mad or disappointed either. He is having fun. He likes these girls. He is trying to get laid. For a solid guy, that is a form of play.
You can break rapport, and have a “splash” of fun in your eyes as you do it; let it show through your facial expressions and how you carry your body. As you’ll naturally express these kinds of feelings, the girls will feel it. It all begins as you cultivate your sexuality as a man.
Here is another “hot” moment:
JUAN ANTONIO: When I saw you across the room at the art gallery
JUAN ANTONIO: I noticed you have… uh… beautiful lips
JUAN ANTONIO: Very, full, very… [pause] sensual
Being so direct with her about her lips goes beyond being social, to the sexual, and breaks rapport yet again. He is demonstrating sexual tension (over and over) in this scene. Such a great example.
“That’s a sexual rapport break, breaks comfort… but builds attraction. You set the tone… this breaks rapport, and that’s how you move into seduction. It’s a mechanism.”
Basic report seeking is about “making people feel comfortable.” You will see “nice guys” always trying to remove the tension. But tension is required for sexuality. (An orgasm is a release of tension.) To get to a sexual place, you “build up tension.” It’s a series of “pushing her,” pushing yourself, pushing the context and the boundaries.
Being a man is important. But a lot of masculinity is sexually neutral. This kind of tension building is a way to distinguish yourself as a specifically sexual man.
And here ^…
What is Christina looking at? My word. Maybe this is getting “sexual” after all.
JUAN ANTONIO: I’ll show you around the city
JUAN ANTONIO: We’ll eat well, we’ll drink good wine, we’ll make love
“You must be willing to risk offending a girl before you can ever get in her pants.”
— Sinapse PUA
Here he straight up says he wants to fuck them, but everything he has does in this scene has already communicated that point. They know he wants to fuck them. Here, he is just showing that he is durable enough to really “hold the frame.”
He doesn’t try to lighten the mood by trying to explain it or by softening his look. He is raking them with tension. It’s very sexy. Most men can never give a girl this kind of experience. You can learn to do this.
And note how Vicky laughs, releasing some of that tension. Christina is moving around, also leaking off tension. But Juan Antonio holds very still, solid, grounded, showing incredible gravity. They are the wind, he is the oak tree. It is hot precisely because they are so different (that is what sexual polarity is all about).
His ability to hold himself together under this kind of pressure is proof he is solid. He is not saying that, he is demonstrating it. He has control of himself. He trusts himself. And because he trusts himself… the girls can trust him too.
That is how it works.
So: A cool guy gets up, walks over, starts “questioning” these girls, is standing there, not smiling, creating massive tension and holding it, and how does it make them feel?
They love it. Of course. That part of the scene is very real.
He has been tested, and he comes out looking strong.
In the way of personal examples, I am happy to show some of these same patterns in the context of a typical daygame approach:
I see a girl I like on the street, I walk over to her, and approach. I would usually smile as I engage (I typically need more initial comfort in proper cold approach than he does in this scene). I don’t say “uh, sorry…” (never), I just look into her eyes and start asking questions (“Do you… speak English”). I want to create tension, and I do a lot of that in how I hold that eye contact.
Often that is enough; the girl gets it. She knows this is “sexual.”
I typically do give the girl a compliment, which is rapport seeking (in a way, yes). Some rapport is good. In this kind of situation, the more my compliment is about my desire for her, the less she will feel that I am seeking validation or wanting a reward for “being nice.” I want the balance here to feel more like “sexual man” than “harmless nice guy.” And after I give the compliment, I can stare, create some more tension, and get a little more “wolfy,” which is… back to breaking rapport.
“That’s a sexual rapport break, breaks comfort… but builds attraction. You set the tone… this breaks rapport, and that’s how you move into seduction. It’s a mechanism.”
Once there is some comfort, I can immediately break rapport to get back into a more attractive, sexual frame. I can “cross my arms” (another rapport break), I can tease a little, I can challenge her (which I do a lot), etc.
And then… as I have shown some range, I can “pull” again. Pull, on the approach. Push, in the sexual tension. Pull, in the compliment. Push, in the challenging as we talk. And then… I go for the number, big pull.
I often end the set by saying, “I hope I see you again…,” which is pull… and then I say “maybe,” with a breaking rapport look in my eyes. That is push.
Push/pull. Push/pull. Push/pull. Breaking rapport is a major tool to aid in the “push” part of the dance.
Do you see it?
CHRISTINA: Oh my god…
CHRISTINA: This guy is so interesting
That is right. Breaking rapport gives her “strong feelings.”
Most men wouldn’t approach. And when they do, they are full of “oh, uh, sorry” (don’t do that). They seek rapport, trying to establish commonality (“Oh, you’re from America?! I have a friend in America, OMG…”), etc. Some of that can be fine, but it mostly paints you as asexual.
I often say that as you approach a girl, she will essentially read you to see, “Does he trust himself?” Words are easy to say. The clothes you’re wearing, etc, also relatively easy to “fake.” She can’t be sure about any of that. But showing that you trust yourself, face to face, in front of a hot girl… that is hard to do. Most men can’t do it.
“As soon as you have superficial comfort, you ‘break rapport,’ it pushes you into attraction.”
A willingness to break rapport is a sign that you are for real. The girls can watch for these kinds of signals to identify the strongest men. If he trusts himself, under fire, in front of her… that is a very good indicator that he is for real. A good sign of “fitness” in a man.
Juan Antonio most definitely seems to trust himself.
It’s a movie, but this is a good example of art reflecting life. I have seen all of this in person, many times. I have never said “why don’t you both fly off to a city with me so we can fuck,” but I have said “why don’t you come back to my place and make out with me.” As I break rapport (by going sexual), and I show I am certain of myself as I do it… it can be a powerful way to create attraction in girls.
“Oh, um, sorry, I noticed you over there” is bumbling Hugh Grant style game that the more basic London Daygame guys seem to teach. In NYC we learned real quick that girls didn’t have time for that. “Hey, I saw you. You look like like a ____” and being able to hold the tension was what was needed
Yeah. “Hugh Grant” is a good way to say it.
It’s taught, because it’s an attempt to be “acceptable” as you roll up on her – as opposed to rejected. And that makes sense to a degree… but in a way, that approach “gets you an inch, and loses you a mile.”
This can sound like nonsense, but I sometimes say, “If it’s ‘easy,’ it’s hard. And if it’s ‘hard,’ it’s easy.” So it’s “easier” to get a girl to talk to you if you’re harmless, but it’s harder to turn her on that way. It’s “harder” to come in direct, to really own your own sexuality… but then… she is having the experience of being with a sexual man… easier attracted her.
All of the “nice guy” behaviors are “Coward’s Gambits:” They get approval, they are accepted and acceptable, but… no one is turned on.
Hugh Grant is literally mainstream, soft, acceptability. So modeling Game after that is going to get “pats on the head,” but isn’t going to make panties wet.
I like Juan Antonio’s style of Game much better.
Also: We classically think of the Spanish as more “hot blooded” than the English. You know that I hate geo-based psychology, but it is curious that the London Model included this “cool” opener, versus Juan Antonio (representing Spain) coming in with his dick out… much hotter.
It’s not that the girls didn’t have time for that – it’s just that few are as obscenely delectable as Hugh is.
My wings and I have simplified it even further in NYC, leaving the qualifier out entirely.
After all, why tell the girl you’ve seen her? It’s clear you’ve seen her – you wouldn’t be talking to her blind :)
Instead, I get her attention stepwise:
[LASER EYE CONTACT]
(microsecond pause while I observe her expression)
If positive expression:
[extremely positive opener]
If neutral expression:
If negative expression:
[call out the frame, e.g. “why that look?”]
That is really good, Pancake… I like it.
The hottest sets I ever have is when I ONLY use eye contact, and she “gets it” before I even say anything. Game is mostly non verbal.
I think the “qualifier” is important, as many girls are surprised, confused, or will “pretend to be confused” because they don’t want to assume anything, or as a bit of test.
I know you are no fan, but I like the idea from the London guys that we owe her some “energy” (90%) until she is into us… then she tends to give us energy.
Let’s break it down:
Your post is about a film which has been analyzed to death for it’s reference to game. The reality is that it’s a movie, and not real.
You are disparaging a guy who is not around anymore, only one year after his death.
Bad form on your part Nash.
Feel free to delete this post. I know you will.
I don’t care if you like it, it’s a very strong post on BREAKING RAPPORT. If you know of a better example, I’m happy to look at it. Do you? No?
It’s not a “movie review.” It’s very specific. And I bring some deeper topics like GRAVITY and EXPRESSING YOURSELF… and I bet you 1$ that whatever use of this movie you saw doesn’t do that.
(Unlike your hero… I’m not just copying/repeating other guys’ ideas here.)
As for Sneaky Tom… I owe him exactly nothing. And I am correct… that “uhhh, sorry” is a weak part of his Game. That’s just true. He isn’t reading this… so for guys that are, there are things to learn.
I’m about ideas… not respect for the “Great Plagiarizer.” So many super douchey things from that guy. Worship whoever you want… but he feed us “faked infields” and he stole idea after idea (and claimed them as his own). Those are sins against this community. None of it was an accident… and he earned his reputation. We all do.