I am always on the lookout for a point of view that really cuts into what I might call “Game,” and Pat Stedman gets it. He stands out for me as one of the voices I’ve learned the most from in the last few years.
Pat has a way of wading into aspects of Game (sexual attraction, psychology, and relationships) and bringing out interesting topics. It’s what he says, it’s the questions he asks, it’s his ability to consistently elevate the conversation beyond the basics.
Who the hell is Pat Stedman? Below I offer some quotes from his project “Masterclass” that will help to illustrate some of what Pat has to say about dating and relationships.
When Pat asked me to review Masterclass, I told him I wanted to take my time with it. There are 14 hours of material in his course, but I gave it maybe 50+ hours of my life. I listened (and re-listened) to the talks. I took 43 pages of notes and I have already started using what I learned from the product with girls (and in my own writing). Below I am going to give you a few of those highlights.
You can think about Masterclass as a “collection of maps.”
A map is something that helps you explore the territory. In Masterclass, Pat shows us a series of fascinating, insightful “talks about girls” that serve as “maps” to help us thrive in the sexual marketplace.
He does (at least) three things exceptionally well: 1.) General psychology as it relates to social lives of men. 2.) Very specific sexual marketplace notes (including some of the best notes on female psychology anywhere… Pat crushes it there). And then we arrive at his specialty, 3.) Extensive coaching for men in relationships.
He separates himself from generic “how to bang the girl” lessons as he is a strong advocate of meaningful relationship with women. While I am a bachelor and a player, I know a lot of guys get into Game as a path to something more long-term. This is a perfect product for guys like that. While Pat has credibility in terms of meeting and picking up girls, he has exceptional insight and coaching for guys that choose to screen toward a monogamous future.
I am going to focus mostly on Game in this review, but I don’t want to undersell the relationship stuff (and I will write more on those topics later).
Here is some drama to heat up this review:
“You will be devastated at how fast a needy girl that knows good Girl Game will move on from you to another guy. This devastates guys. They had thought they were a super special person and she is with another guy within days. This leads to a lot of thinking that women are these evil creatures that they can do this to a guy.”
This product is not “happy wife, happy life.” Pat understands “dark feminine energy.”
So… you like “hot girls?”
“Women that are at the very top in looks are often very difficult to deal with. They have been objectified their entire life. They often have stunted personalities. They tend to be used in ways that damage them quite a bit. If you’re going to go after a girl like this, you have to make sure you really have your frame sorted out.”
It is Pat’s emphasis on female psychology that really hooks me into his content.
He has a whole section of Masterclass called “Female Nature and Vetting Women” (that, alone, is well worth the price of admission). In that segment, he does three talks in a row that go from “Stages of Female Development” to “Red Flags” to “Properly Vetting Women.” I took too many notes in these sections to mention here.
“A lot of women don’t really have a strong sense of values… they follow strength. They follow a guy who is a good leader, who has his own values, and a strong vision of how to enact those values in his life. A lot of these women are just looking for a guy that is going to give them some sense of direction in life.”
As men, we give women so much emphasis (especially the truly beautiful ones) we sometimes forget just how lost they often are. In a way, I love them for that. There are a lot of details and guidance that will apply to your Game regardless of your level of “commitment.”
Masterclass has over 50 separate talks on a range of topics including “self-sabotage,” being a “nice guy,” the role of values in your Game, “hypergamy,” and how your “mommy issues” impact how you relate with women. He touches on classic Game examples like Mystery’s false-time constraints. His content on “energy” is fantastic. Then, he is specific on ways to meet women. And finally, some intensely good notes on girls as you move deeper into relationships… including a talk called “Handling her Moods” (which is one of my favorite talks I’ve ever heard in all my years of Game).
For another example of both topic and depth of topic, here is Pat talking about Frame:
“How is a woman supposed to gain mental frame over you, when you can handle tension, and you firmly believe you know what is true about the two of you? And that you’re willing to follow that truth, even if it means leaving the relationship? When you submit to ‘I will follow truth wherever it goes’…. how is she supposed to go against that?”
I have heard lots of men talk about Frame. When I see Pat bringing in the concepts of tension and values he is “mapping” out the very foundation of a man’s frame, offering specifics to help dial in how you feel and what she sees when you’re standing in front of her. He is showing you the concept of Frame in a way that makes it sturdy enough to lean on.
“Ask yourself ‘why?'”
— From One of Pat Stedman’s Periscopes
This kind of line really takes me where I want to go.
I have heard a lot theory and advice. Random bullshit on the internet isn’t going to help me with girls. Increasingly… I have to know “why?” I need to go deeper into these topics…
I have to know enough to believe it or I know it won’t work for me.
Why am I struggling with some aspect of dating? Why does this particular girl behave the way she does? Why is something better for one girl than another? Why does it feel like I’m ‘settling’ for this girl? Why is XYZ concept going to serve me as I try to “get this area of my life handled?”
To get the world you want you need to ask the right questions.
— Pat Stedman (@Pat_Stedman) May 26, 2020
Pat will give you a lot of the right questions to ask yourself as you evaluate women… and he supplies a great deal of well-vetted answers as well.
Masterclass has sections on all the traditional modes of Game… daygame, nightgame, online. My read is that Pat is best adapted to social circle game (lots of examples, he is very credible there).
One way that Pat could make an impact on your Game is by taking whatever method you like to meet girls and adding “life” to the skeleton of that structure.
If we think of something like the London Daygame Model, it’s a fantastic structure, a series of incredibly helpful steps. I remember studying them as I took the plunge into daygame. And I also remember how “thin” those steps were in terms of what to actually do when I was face to face with a girl (and the “why” of it all).
Where I think Pat comes at this differently is by layering on many smart “maps” to help a man to think about “why” a certain part of Game is important. And he’ll give you the rationale for why any good man needs to understand Game (and the fundamental concepts of Game) in order to open doors for himself.
“Presenting your best-self to others, and having people like you for it – the only reason that they were able to do that is because your persona got them through the door. It’s not fake. It’s framing. And if you don’t frame yourself, somebody else will frame you for you.”
So, Game helps me show her a series of things about me that not only help me begin a relationship, but help me start it in a way that might set the pace for her and I for all the interactions that follow. That makes sense.
“Women may want to put you in a box. Your persona lets you put yourself in the box you want to be put in.”
We have choices on what we present (our Persona). And our choices about how we showcase ourselves to a girl largely depend on what we bring to the table, and the realities of our individual sexual market value:
“One of the reasons, some of the hardcore pickup guys are so into the hard sell, the very fast paced push, is because they don’t have a good ‘product.’ And they are afraid that the girl will disappear. Guys that have a strong product, can sell in a much more healthy way.”
Really good coaching ^.
Think of guys that believe in “tricks.” How long into a relationship do they think tricks will carry them? And how many high-qualities girls will you lose by trying to start that way?
Here is a killer line:
“You want to throw a girl off… but that is very different than trying to lower her self-esteem. You always have to tease… but a guy with really high pre-selection, he should be doing 80% compliment, 20% tease. The proportion is skewed to being warm to the girl and holding space.”
Those lines are loaded with detailed understanding of Game.
High value guys can run “sweeter,” nicer game (it’s true). They often have to. They have attraction. Too much “mystery” or “edge” for that guy will just intimidate her, push her out. If you’re a certain kind of guy, you can drop into comfort quickly – and you might need to – for “balance.”
Your tactics will vary with your place in the SMP (relative to the girl).
As for “balance,” excellent breakdown here:
“This is one of the big frameworks I want you to think about: You’re going to be creating tension-trust, tension-trust, tension-trust.”
This is a very sophisticated way to talk about “push – pull.” And it’s exactly right. The “Tension/Trust” balance is important on the pickup. It’s true as you take her from meet to sex. It’s true even deep into the relationship.
And Pat will push you to take on more, to get bigger…
“You do need to be able to ground more tension to do a successful direct approach. If you go up to a woman, and you tell her you find her attractive, there is going to be a big spike and you’re going to have to be able to hold that.”
This is part of what it take to get really good with girls (and one of the main things I am focused on in Game right now). When you are solid enough to look a woman in the eye and hold (and maintain) the tension for both you, you can drop a lot of the gimmicks “little boys” use to get attention.
“It’s so easy (I don’t mean that for people that aren’t there yet)… when you get it… it’s so easy to make a girl want to hook up with you. It’s so easy to do that.”
You should see the look in Pat’s eyes drops that line. He is for real.
I trust that the guy has nailed some girls. I think he can both relate and coach at that level. But more so, he can guide you in such a way that the girls become a path to help you grow… and set you up for better long-term outcomes.
MORE OF WHAT I GOT OUT OF MASTERCLASS.
I am going to get a little bit more abstract here (more “advanced?”) and show you something that I am personally really learning from Pat in particular:
“Women are the bearers of life… and they are looking for life force. When they are judging men, they are assessing the man’s ‘vitality.’ They are assessing how much energy does a guy have? They want the guys that have more energy. Guys that have low energy, they are simply discarded.”
I did a whole tread showing similarities between Pat and Krauser on the topic of “energy” (or “power,” as Krauser might say).
Pat is saying the feminine "takes ENERGY" and Krauser is saying she "absorbs POWER" – nearly identical reads of what is happening (in a conversation or in bed).
These guys are speaking from different "Schools," but they are pointing int he same direction.
— Nash (@DaysOfGame_com) August 25, 2019
“So women are on the lookout for the guy with the most energy, the most life force. These are the guys they want to commit to.”
That’s true, right?
Guys that have this kind of “life force” are easy to spot. They get stuff done. They have a lot of interpersonal energy and they wake people up when they walk into the room. They typically have a positive “vibe.”
It’s a formula for what winners in the SMP look like…. and we can call it life force, vitality, or “energy.”
We spend so much time wondering what to say and what to text, when she is really a “yes” or a “no” based on: 1.) Are you showing her a good vibe? And 2.) Do you have enough “life force” to penetrate the world (and maybe carry her along with you)?
If I know the answer to those two questions, I can tell you if a guy will be any good with girls or not.
“Every woman is looking for your attention, for your energy.”
Our attention is one form of “energy” we have to offer women.
And I like that, but let’s make it more specific:
“We have to look for women who… understand the value that you as a man provide, and that she wants to help you to create more energy, rather than just take it away from you. You want her to be a partner who is taking her share, rather than somebody who is in it just to steal. You want somebody who is going to be an investor.”
This is a fascinating “map” for men looking to get into relationships.
Pat is saying that she is sustained by the energy her man gives her (totally excellent concept). And Pat might tell you that women wanting you to give them your energy is normal and healthy (to a degree), but you have to be on the lookout for girls that are only trying to “take” (your resources, your attention)… girls that will only “suck you dry.”
Fantastic. And I have not even scratched the surface of what Pat has to say about relationships.
But speaking of long term time with women:
One of Pat’s talks literally keeps me up at night… his talk called “5 Tiers of Women.” It really makes me wonder about what I want and who I am. I’ll write about that topic (and other of Pat’s ideas) another time.
If you know me, I am a salty, experienced guy. I have no patience for bullshit. And with that said…
Pat’s Masterclass blew me away.
Guy’s have a lot of questions about girls, and getting girls, and relating to girls, and holding that mess together over enough time to make something meaningful happen. If you stay on the path, you’ll have a lot of questions about yourself, as well. I am still going through all that.
“Interdependent Feminine… very healthy, feminine women. They are usually taken. They will give you something to aspire toward. They are doing Girl Game, but they are doing it from the other side. They can now give without any expectation in return.”
Yeah, sounds great.
Who gets to date those really, high-quality girls? Well, only the most high-quality guys. Men that have developed themselves, proven who they are, and where they are going. Men that have acquired the skills and “maps” to “navigate the territory.”
“As a guy at the very top end of the spectrum, the power dynamic shifts. As you build yourself into a more confident masculine man. Not only will you be able to find girls that are better ‘marble’ (so to speak) to work with, but you’ll have more of the tools to do it.”
I want to be better. And I want to surround myself with men that can teach me what I need to know. These are some of the reasons why Pat has made a big difference in my Game. I have learned a lot. It’s easy to appreciate a guy like that.
If you’re on the right path, you’ll hear things from Pat to validate the direction you’re going.
And I promise he’ll give you some new ground to consider. He’ll stretch you, and challenge you to think about “why,” and he’ll push you toward a greater version of yourself and a much deeper understanding of women.
As I look to go deeper into what is possible with women, Pat Stedman shows up for me as a true “Master of Maps.” A guy that can give me tools to help me go farther.
And while a map doesn’t help a man cover the distance, it can help show him the way.
(The sales page for Masterclass is here.)
Thank you, Pat Stedman. Well done, Sir. I am impressed.